Anonymous wrote:I chewed pens and then I saw the movie Top Gun as a teenager. I forget which character twirled his pen but I started doing it too instead of chewing. Years of practice and now I'm a pretty damn good twirler of pens.

If your child actually wants to stop chewing (I don't see it as a problem), replace it with something else.

Here's a tutorial I found online.
https://www.tiktok.com/@ryzingspins/video/7103681325181209902?lang=en

Same! I moved from one chewing to twirling. People ask me how I do it. Lol!

We have exactly the same problem, and I really disagree with the people who say you should just ignore the habit. I will explain why.

Our daughter started to chew pens aged 14. We had all the problems you have described. When she turned 16, we decided to put a stop to it. One day we were on a long-distance train, and she was chewing on a pen of course, in full view of other passengers. In my loudest voice I told her to stop chewing pens. There was no more chewing the rest of that journey but later when we got to our hotel she confronted us abusively. Instead of backing down, we stood our ground and made it clear that while she is living under our roof, on our expense, it's our rules.

The pen-chewing stopped. We were so happy. For the next two and a half years, she had a pencil case full of pens in perfect condition, and there were no more embarrassments.

Then she went to uni in another city where she stayed with my sister-in-law. When she came back at Christmas, we soon realised that the pen-chewing had started again. I was upset, so I called my sister-in-law who just said, "Yeah, she did start chewing pens about a month ago." Sister-in-law told me that we should just allow our daughter to chew pens. So we took that advice. Big mistake.

Fast forward three years. Daughter, now 21, got a job at reception of a local company. I often walk past there and did not seen her at reception a few times. I told her that I kept seeing another girl at reception, and my daughter said, "I have more than one role." A few days later one of my daughter's co-workers came to visit and happened to reveal the truth. Our daughter has been removed from front of house for sitting at reception chewing on pens and spitting out the plastic, which was not a good look when clients were sitting in reception waiting to be seen. She had been offered support to stop, but had continued the chewing, so she is now being trained in a back office role.

Recently on a weekend drive we stopped to look at an old country church. We signed the visitor book and then the minister himself came in and chatted with us. While the minister told us about the history of the building, our 21-year-old daughter stood chewing the pen from his visitor book, noisily. I felt so embarrassed, and so powerless to tell her to stop. When the minister turned round to take us to some other features of his church, I signalled to daughter to return the pen, and she placed the wet pen, with her teeth marks in it, back on the visitor book.

My point is that when our daughter was 16, we got her to stop pen-chewing with a bit of tough parenting. For over 2 years we had no chewed pens, no plastic fragments on carpets. Then she went back to chewing when she went to stay with my sister-in-law who believed our daughter's pen-chewing is some sort of right. Now, at the age of 21, the pen-chewing is clashing with her job and with every aspect of adult life, and it might be too late to stop it, all because my sister-in-law was so soft.

We would love to still stop her if we can.

Have you found any way of at least helping your daughter to be self-aware about when she is chewing, so that she doesn't chew pens in public? If you have advice on that, let me know. We feel we can't shout at our daughter now because she's 21. She should never have been allowed to go back to pen-chewing when she was 18.

My daughter 15 chews on all her pens too and like pp, I think every has their own weird habits too. I think my room mates in university were also pen chewers and so did one if the guys I dated. And in my classes, many times I find chewed up pens under the table, in the lecture hall drawers etc. So it’s out there! Pen chewers never goes away. So as long as not very harmful. Why not let it go? Just keep your own stash of pens.

I think she must like the oral feeling of chewing on something when bored. My daughter does it too but does also try to suppress i think when in public and the pen case that she brings to school maybe have a couple of lightly chewed pens but those at home are really chewed flat and caps have been chewed until half the ends are gone!

Two years ago too, she used to lick her winter coat collars when they were zipped up to her mouth as it had some kind of flap and material there. After she needed a larger coat, she no longer does it because the material at the collars are different and maybe not so good texture wise for her. But she does chew a little in the hood string tips. So maybe diversion works if it really bothers you OP.

OP, I come from a family of fidgeters and my feeling, in general, is that everyone has weird habits and that, as long as they aren't harmful or gross, who cares?

But sometimes they are harmful and gross. I have had surprising (to me anyway, surprisingly easy, I should say) success at shifting the habit/urge to something that is less harmful or more socially acceptable. I have never tried to totally eliminate a habit. My mom did with me and siblings and it never worked. I have a fidgety habit and I just learned to hide it or not do it if she was around. But I would describe trying to stop like having an itch and making an effort not to scratch. Yes, you can do it maybe even the whole school day but eventually, when you get nervous or distracted, you give in. Anyway, I have had a lot of success with my kids in replacing or slightly shifting the fidgety habit. I usually go to the sensory-friendly stores for neurodiverse kids and buy a bunch of things. Not that it matters, but my kid with the worst habit (would twirl hair and then yank when falling asleep and had a little bald spot) does not have any diagnosis (other than me diagnosing him with trichotillomania at age 4 or 5). No autism or ADHD, maybe a little anxiety but not at a clinical level. It was almost like a soothing ritual for him. Anyway, I went to an online store and bought a bunch of toys and had him try them and we found one that worked. He is 16 now and over the years, like every 3-4 years, he'll have a little recurrence and I find him some fidget and the behavior shifts.

FWIW, the mouthing/biting thing is one of the easiest to figure out because so many people have it and have already sought solutions. (I have one of those too!)

I try not to make my kids feel bad about these habits. I do think they are just urges and that they are easier to substitute than eliminate.

https://www.arktherapeutic.com/arks-krypto-bite-chewable-pencil-toppers/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA1eO7BhATEiwAm0Ee-FMYLMas3hesUXi-rW-bxyvlK31kqJbG_PlTwxgWzLzcVZfYqockwxoCUjkQAvD_BwE

Still find pen chewing icky. My ex was one and she had no boundaries too. Would always chew on my pens too!

OP, your daughter is not doing anything unusual. I teach in a high school and maybe half the kids in every of my classes are fidgety and do chew on their pens. The harder the subject eg math, the more pen chewers there are! Peer acceptance happens too! : If they are paired with pen chewers, the non pen chewers will sometimes become pen chewers too. Or it can go the other way around.

As for spit and hygiene. There is absolutely no hygiene! My students chew the shared pens on my desk and the next day another kid will happily chew on it too. There’s spit sometimes in the barrel when I pick up pens left on desks etc and it’s gross. Then are also pen explosions in class like what your daughter went through. Everyone laughs and then moves on. So it’s not like it’s a big deal to the kids.

So from what I am reading. I guess we have quite a few adults who would happily continue to chew on their pens.

So I guess I should just let it go. My daughter says leave her alone so should I just let her chew away? Is that the best course of action.



I doubt she has adhd as she doesn’t seem to have all the other traits. Or maybe I am wrong and should get her tested more?

Same here. 32 years here and still can’t (maybe won’t ever) break the habit. My hubby chews on my pens too and I on his.

I Know it sounds gross but something we have done since university. We both have the same habit and one day many years ago, I was unconsciously just chewing his pen during a study group. I apologized and he admitted he had bit on mine too on the first day we met at the lecture hall when he borrowed my chewed up pen but didn’t dare to tell me!

It is now my daughter that is the one keeping her pens away from us and often telling us it’s so ewwww and how could we share a chewed pen together.

But we still do it anyway. All our house pens are chewed by us!

I am 54 and have always done this. Exactly how you describe it, OP, even down to the hydroflask straws. Yes, I may have undiagnosed ADHD as all of my kids have it. I find that sunflower seeds satisfy the same urge. BTW, I also sucked my thumb way longer than most (quit around 8 years old).

I did this my whole life - stopped once I started adhd meds after an adult diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40 and still do it.

There’s really nothing you can do. The bitter tasting stuff doesn’t work, I chew anyway. Toothpicks and gum don’t work - I chew the toothpicks up in about 10 seconds and gum doesn’t provide the same sensory feedback.

I tend do it when I’m concentrating, doing something mentally taxing, thinking something through, or doing something highly creative. I’ve accepted it’s just the price I pay to be successful and creative.

Best thing is to buy pens that are just hers. I have my own pens (and highlighters, I actually prefer chewing highlighters - tougher and more durable) and don’t use the house pens.

I also remember when I was a teen my dad bought metal pens - I didn’t like chewing those so they were safe.

I was hoping that you would outgrow it! Do your colleagues or husband say anything when you chew them? Do you know if you are chewing on them or is it subconscious? DOesn’t the chewed teeth marks on your pens make you want to stop?

yes, actually she did say once that she prefer the hard things to chew on. So yeah, she seems to like the the highlighters and harder things quite a bit, like a hydroflask straw. In her elementary school days, she would really chew her school recorder to death because it’s really hard. She uses the school’s so i really pity the kid that gets her recorder after her.

Did you ever ask if therapy could help?

I guess we have never really got to the root of the behavior…….

PP. H doesn’t really care, teases me sometimes but I’ve never really cared what men think of me. I don’t have coworkers as I own a business and WFH.

Usually it’s subconscious. No, teeth marks don’t bother me - it’s my pen.

Honestly I don’t think there’s really any root of the behavior that therapy can help with. It’s not anxiety. Humans are meant to do quite a bit of chewing naturally, and we don’t anymore because of modern food. I think I just have a strong drive to chew like a dog. I’m guessing it also ties into other physiology, like helps my sinuses clear up or whatever.

I do enjoy chewing sticks but they get messy.

My dd says it’s subconscious too. But can I clarify what happens. Do you end up biting on the pen for a while and then realize it’s feels sensory good and continue. Or do you not even know while you are chewing at it until you take it out of your mouth.

I ask this because it’s always the same thing my daughter says. She doesn’t now why she is chewing it though i have seen her sitting at the dining table chewing on the thing and sucking away for quite a while. She then takes it out of her mouth. Looks at the chewed cap as if to observe her teeth marks on her pen and even sometimes sniffs it a little (?? Why?) and then put it back in her mouth.

And when I call her out on it, she says she doesn’t know why and it’s subconscious.

Always puzzles me.

She’s old enough that I don’t go into the doctors either her so I can’t raise this with the doc etc. So just curious when you say subconscious and I know it’s your own pens and all and you don’t mind a pen case full of chewed up pens.

PP. I really think you need to chill out over the whole thing. It’s not doing drugs or sleeping around. Not everything needs to be a medical or psychological issue. Some people just like to chew, like how of my 3 dogs, one of them loves to chew and the other 2 don’t.

I also bit my nails as a kid and all the adults around me freaked out. You’re so gross, boys won’t like you, talk to a therapist about it, etc. All that did was make me feel unaccepted and that my parents didn’t like me. I still bite them as an adult, and my solution is when I need nice nails, I get gels. It’s NBD.

You might want to look at yourself and why you’re so hung up over something so trivial. Are you afraid of what people will think of you?