Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 18:34     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:I would get in my car, drive there, ask him/her to come with me to the ER. Maybe knowing a random stranger cared enough to do that would get him/her into treatment


And what do you do when the kid says no and walks away?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 18:33     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your child needs to call the school office who handles this and have them deal with it.


THIS

Your school almost certainly has a counselling office staffed with folks trained to deal with these things.

Your kids should likewise consider speaking to someone as well.


Thanks. If the counselor asks DC to release the name and DC doesn’t want to. What should I do as a parent?


You just sit back and encourage your kid to consult with the experts at her school and support her as she navigates this. There really isn’t a right or wrong here, but she can be counseled better by someone more objective and trained.

Remind her that her first duty is to herself and her education. You’re getting this story second hand and you don’t know the roommates situation.

Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 18:24     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Is the friend depressed or suicidal? They are not one and the same.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 18:03     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here, does it cross the line if I reach out to the academic advisor of the kid and ask them to check on the kid using academic reasons ( the kid missed many hw already and grade is tanking)?


Yes.

Call mental health services at the school and give them the name. Or call the staff of your child's dorm building - they will say they cannot give you any information. That does NOT mean that YOU cannot give THEM information. I was an RA. I would go through an entire script whenever I spoke with a parent - but I wrote down EVERY word they said and then discuss with my boss. If someone called and said "my child is Larla Jones and she keeps reporting to me that her roommate is severely depressed and she's scared of suicide...." that would have been elevated IMMEDIATELY to higher ups. I would have gone through my whole script "I cannot confirm nor deny that Larla lives here, but if she does I will convey whatever message....blah blah blah" but then I would have either connected you to my boss to share the info (she would have used the same script), and then we would have met with the student and helped get into the mental health counseling office. And we would have watched them carefully and tried to draw them into social situations.

There are no perfect responses to this situation. Staying silent is the only wrong one.


Thanks for the information. My worry is that if I report, DC may stop telling me things. They are far from home, and I appreciate the trust.


Or she’ll be relieved that her roommate is getting help finally and it’s no longer her responsibility.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 17:43     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:DC’s freshman roommate in college is severely depressed and doesn’t want to seek help from adults (including own parents). DC feels being the only few mental support to this person and wants to help, but doesn’t know what to do. Any suggestions?


OP something I just realized, although severe depression is serious- has this kid actually said they were suicidal? You can't tell RA's and others that they are suicidal if they haven't said that. You should still get the kid help, but be accurate and not exaggerate
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 17:40     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
I would get in my car, drive there, ask him/her to come with me to the ER. Maybe knowing a random stranger cared enough to do that would get him/her into treatment
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 16:26     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
OP again. Thank you all. I plan to convince DC to provide all information to counselor. Meanwhile, I found through the counseling service a contact channel for family members who have concerns on students. I will call to make sure all the information reaches counseling services. The kid needs professional help.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 14:07     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
the kid can rescind whatever permission they granted their parents. have them do that if it helps them seek help.

either way, too much burden for your kid. They need help NOW
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 14:04     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous call to the RA of the dorm
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 13:22     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your child needs to call the school office who handles this and have them deal with it.


THIS

Your school almost certainly has a counselling office staffed with folks trained to deal with these things.

Your kids should likewise consider speaking to someone as well.


Thanks. If the counselor asks DC to release the name and DC doesn’t want to. What should I do as a parent?


You tell them them the name why is this a question.


I agree with you, but I can’t force DC. keeping anonymity of the kid seems important for some stupid reasons.


Then you call the counseling center and give them the name of DC's roommate.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 13:10     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
If the roommate goes through with suicide your daughter will live with the regret of not have reported her fully.

And then, if she was my daughter, I would be worried about her mental health. That is a great burden to carry. Do
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 11:43     Subject: What to do if a friend is suicidal
Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone! I’ve suggested DC talk to school’ mental heath services. They will meet today. However, the situation is a little bit messy. DC feels can’t bring the name of the kid as the kid clearly doesn’t want school to know in fear of parents knowing. It seems that the parents are partly responsible for the kid’s mental status. They might have forced the kid to sign documents so they have full access to the kid’s records including medical. The kid is also financially dependent on the parents.

I don’t want DC to get too involved, but it seems switching dorms is out of the question now. And dc fears potential future regrets if distancing suddenly. I’m collecting options for DC as I have no experience, and keeping my fingers crossed a right decision will be made.

This is not your child’s problem to fix. They need to report this to the mental health specialists. The roommate can share these concerns with the counselors.