My relative was widowed in her early 40s and tried OLD (never had done it before). She got interest from a guy who seemed smart and interesting and they arranged a first date. She was a bit nervous about the whole OLD thing and mentioned that, before this date. I felt a weird vibe about it all, and hopped online right away.

Within 90 seconds I had pulled up news articles in my state that he had been prosecuted a couple of times as a landlord for defrauding tenants, not maintaining properties, etc., and then the trail just stopped -- at exactly the time he'd moved to my relative's state. He had just left my state to avoid further prosecution and in her state was presenting himself as a property owner, etc.. Back to his same horrible landlord s**t, I'm sure. He hadn't even bothered to change his name in any way, and all this legal stuff was online!

She immediately canceled the date and halted OLD. I do NOT blame her at all. She's a smart woman but just hadn't dated in ages, and didn't think to Google before a casual, public first date. She was still reeling a bit, even a few years on, after losing her DH, and just wanted to meet someone nice and interesting.

The moral is, always dig around online even if they seem fine on the surface. This guy was scum, and evaded prosecution by moving around. Could have been a great date and nice to her, perhaps, but morally was a cesspit.

Fortunately my relative met a wonderful man and they are now in a serious relationship. They met when he volunteered for a charitable organization for which she is a staff member. The old-fashioned way--common interests, shared values. OLD sucks and is a meat market full of dubious people. I know, I know, many here will protest that they found lovely partners through OLD and I do not doubt them, I just think that between stories here of "He/she expectd sex right away" and my relative's experience with Mr. Landlord, it's just better to live your life, get involved in what matters to you, and maybe find someone that way. Or be comfortable with being a single adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.

That’s not my experience as a woman: men always invite for dinners as first date; try to show their house etc. When I decline they quickly move to the next target. Also, everyone expects sex on 3-4 dates. If you don’t put out they think you are not that into them and move on quickly, becoming mean.
All executives, respected professionals. Also lack manners coking across hungry for sex. For example, would invite home, and turn music with remote at the doorway, then grab me and pull to sofa. Without offering tea or anything.
I never accept expensive dates invites but I do need to see the person more than 3 times before exposing my privates.

Your description is a huge turnoff to me.
(Who would only be sexual in an exclusive relationship)

Is it better if you indicate you only want friends/companion (vs relationship)?

I am not sure how it works

I do look for a relationship and sex. I did have sex with those who allowed me time to learn them better.

What is a turn off for you specifically ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Did they actually offer to f..k or just chatted with you about sex? I love sexting and chatting about it on dates but it doesn't mean anything. Never slept with anyone until after a month or two

How out are you?

I am an older woman and can’t imagine sexting with someone I hardly know.

Who are these women? Our mothers? Our co-workers?

* How old are you

I’m mid 40s. Sexting is pretty normal after 1at date

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.

That’s not my experience as a woman: men always invite for dinners as first date; try to show their house etc. When I decline they quickly move to the next target. Also, everyone expects sex on 3-4 dates. If you don’t put out they think you are not that into them and move on quickly, becoming mean.
All executives, respected professionals. Also lack manners coking across hungry for sex. For example, would invite home, and turn music with remote at the doorway, then grab me and pull to sofa. Without offering tea or anything.
I never accept expensive dates invites but I do need to see the person more than 3 times before exposing my privates.

Your description is a huge turnoff to me.
(Who would only be sexual in an exclusive relationship)

Is it better if you indicate you only want friends/companion (vs relationship)?

I am not sure how it works

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any interesting recent tales of OLD? I need a support network. Haha

Been on scores of first dates in the past few years. 50+ though I have not actually counted the number.

Never had a horrid experience. 90+% of the first dates are just fine, normal dates that end up with either me not feeling it or the other person not feeling it to continue the dating process. The rest go for a few more dates before fizzling out. I did find an LTR though (which I am very happy with) and it would not have happened if I did not put in the world.

But that does not make for any sordid “tales of old” material. When I read horror stories of OLD I just shake my head and think how stupid or unlucky the person would be to put themselves in a position to have such a bad date. It is pretty easy to screen out “crazy” or completely “incompetent” or even somewhat “incompatible” within a few messages or phone calls before the first date. Be smart you dumbos😇

Wow. What a condescending, superior, snotty post.

Do you feel all superior and smart now, PP? Good for you and your perfect LTR.

By the way your recommended "messages or phone calls," or even online searches sometimes, do not screen out people who are flat out liars and skilled at masking the crazy, but your highfalutin' self will never believe that, I'm sure. But there are some downright evil people out there who are excellent at hiding their true selves. You're merely lucky you never encountered one of those people--you're not necessarily smarter and better than everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Did they actually offer to f..k or just chatted with you about sex? I love sexting and chatting about it on dates but it doesn't mean anything. Never slept with anyone until after a month or two

How out are you?

I am an older woman and can’t imagine sexting with someone I hardly know.

Who are these women? Our mothers? Our co-workers?

* How old are you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Did they actually offer to f..k or just chatted with you about sex? I love sexting and chatting about it on dates but it doesn't mean anything. Never slept with anyone until after a month or two

How out are you?

I am an older woman and can’t imagine sexting with someone I hardly know.

Who are these women? Our mothers? Our co-workers?

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

I am a woman, but it would be a huge red flag to me (if I were a man), if a woman offered sex after knowing me for a few hours.

Talk about needing a condom!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any interesting recent tales of OLD? I need a support network. Haha

Been on scores of first dates in the past few years. 50+ though I have not actually counted the number.

Never had a horrid experience. 90+% of the first dates are just fine, normal dates that end up with either me not feeling it or the other person not feeling it to continue the dating process. The rest go for a few more dates before fizzling out. I did find an LTR though (which I am very happy with) and it would not have happened if I did not put in the world.

But that does not make for any sordid “tales of old” material. When I read horror stories of OLD I just shake my head and think how stupid or unlucky the person would be to put themselves in a position to have such a bad date. It is pretty easy to screen out “crazy” or completely “incompetent” or even somewhat “incompatible” within a few messages or phone calls before the first date. Be smart you dumbos😇

Sure, blame the victims.

Not the people responsible for what they went through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.

That’s not my experience as a woman: men always invite for dinners as first date; try to show their house etc. When I decline they quickly move to the next target. Also, everyone expects sex on 3-4 dates. If you don’t put out they think you are not that into them and move on quickly, becoming mean.
All executives, respected professionals. Also lack manners coking across hungry for sex. For example, would invite home, and turn music with remote at the doorway, then grab me and pull to sofa. Without offering tea or anything.
I never accept expensive dates invites but I do need to see the person more than 3 times before exposing my privates.

PP. YMMV. I have been repeatedly invited into women’s homes on the first date. It happens, among professionals in DC. It is important for anyone on OLD to know what she/he wants before going on a first or second or third date, but not presume that “all men are looking for sex” or “women are not looking for sex”.

I dated only professional men with public profiles and even then absolutely every single one expected sex after 3rd date. One even texted me I was wasting his time after I suggested an activity unrelated to dinner. It’s just the fact men out there behave like hos.
So I quit OLD altogether and enjoy my singlehood. Better than feeling like a piece of meat torn apart by hungry horndogs

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.

That’s not my experience as a woman: men always invite for dinners as first date; try to show their house etc. When I decline they quickly move to the next target. Also, everyone expects sex on 3-4 dates. If you don’t put out they think you are not that into them and move on quickly, becoming mean.
All executives, respected professionals. Also lack manners coking across hungry for sex. For example, would invite home, and turn music with remote at the doorway, then grab me and pull to sofa. Without offering tea or anything.
I never accept expensive dates invites but I do need to see the person more than 3 times before exposing my privates.

PP. YMMV. I have been repeatedly invited into women’s homes on the first date. It happens, among professionals in DC. It is important for anyone on OLD to know what she/he wants before going on a first or second or third date, but not presume that “all men are looking for sex” or “women are not looking for sex”.

I was on a phone app when they were new (not Tinder). A "women" sent unsolicited crotch shot pictures and wanted me to reciprocate. Naturally I presumed she was a man. She offered to meet me at my house and bring a friend. When I asked whether they were "professionals", she said yes. I told her I did not want prostitutes, and she got offended by my presumption. I never learned the real story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.

That’s not my experience as a woman: men always invite for dinners as first date; try to show their house etc. When I decline they quickly move to the next target. Also, everyone expects sex on 3-4 dates. If you don’t put out they think you are not that into them and move on quickly, becoming mean.
All executives, respected professionals. Also lack manners coking across hungry for sex. For example, would invite home, and turn music with remote at the doorway, then grab me and pull to sofa. Without offering tea or anything.
I never accept expensive dates invites but I do need to see the person more than 3 times before exposing my privates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any interesting recent tales of OLD? I need a support network. Haha

Been on scores of first dates in the past few years. 50+ though I have not actually counted the number.

Never had a horrid experience. 90+% of the first dates are just fine, normal dates that end up with either me not feeling it or the other person not feeling it to continue the dating process. The rest go for a few more dates before fizzling out. I did find an LTR though (which I am very happy with) and it would not have happened if I did not put in the world.

But that does not make for any sordid “tales of old” material. When I read horror stories of OLD I just shake my head and think how stupid or unlucky the person would be to put themselves in a position to have such a bad date. It is pretty easy to screen out “crazy” or completely “incompetent” or even somewhat “incompatible” within a few messages or phone calls before the first date. Be smart you dumbos😇

150 dates and 1 LTR ?
You must be a real charmer !

Anonymous wrote:Male here, I’ve done some recent OLD and I’ve been surprised by how sexually available some of the women are on the first date. Prior to the dates neither their profiles nor calls or texts gave any indication. I’m a successful, decent looking and sane guy so maybe I’m a unicorn of some sort. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers and not because I’m a saint but because I wasn’t attracted to them for a bunch of reasons.

Male here. Late-50s. Same experience, albeit you are more saintly. In pretty much all cases, texted for a few days to a week (or even two given travel). Several professional women in the DC area were largely undressed on date 1. Another sent photos pre-date but there was no spark between us. Yet another told me about her waxing. I typically only sleep with women after 3-4 dates, when it is clearly something both of us want.

Men and women are not that different in their desires and needs. Each adult needs to decide for himself/herself without being judgements about how other adults choose to live their lives.