Anonymous wrote:Trying to find an assistant living community for an elderly relative who has been turned off by how old and frail everyone seems (walkers and wheelchairs).

Are there communities that are more active? Young 80s/late 70s?

Looking in the dc metro area.

My mom says the same thing and she’s 90, in a wheelchair and has dementia. She also comments about everyone’s grey hair (she colors hers).

My dad loved living at Ingleside at King Farm in Rockville MD - they might have similar communities closer to DC.

I searched a lot of places for my FIL around Christmas because he needs assisted living (84, Walker, can’t live independently, needs meals), and initially I was turned off in places where I saw a lot of people sitting around in wheelchairs, assuming it was a representative sample of the residents. He’s physically frail but cognitively strong.

What I realized was that my first impressions did not always reflect all the more vibrant people…because they had already gotten up and walked to their rooms! Or were busy with visitors or doing other things.

Money is TIGHT for him, living on a federal pension, but we found a really nice place for him at Spring Hills Mount Vernon. It is NOT at all fancy…no lovely grounds, no pool, no extensive workout room, but he doesn’t need that stuff; he’d never use it anyway. The staff is great and food is really good - he’s eaten better in a month than he has in years. The base rental price for an efficiency apartment (which actually has separate living and bedroom areas and a small kitchenette, which was bigger than I expected) was $3800. That includes laundry, weekly housekeeping, 3 meals (a great restaurant style menu), and rides to medical appointments and daily activities. He pays for one level of care higher than the base for now since he was just discharged from the hospital and needed more care at first while he builds up strength but those levels are clear and max out at $3000 above the base.

Fall risk was our biggest worry and he did actually fall last week…not a trip and fall that we worried about but he bent over to pick something up (even though he could have used a grabber thing we bought him, argh) and got dizzy and fell and couldn’t get himself up. He has an emergency call button around his neck that he used. If it had happened when he was in his apartment, we wouldn’t have known until the next day when his sister would have called for her daily morning call and gotten no answer and she would have called DH at work and he would have had to go. So I feel like it’s already paid for itself.

Socially, he has found two other federal retired men his age that he now plays cards with, which is amazing. They’re none of them going out jogging or anything, but two use walkers and one a wheelchair to go down for meals together. I think our initial turnoff at seeing all the wheelchairs was unwarranted.

Anyway, that’s my long winded way of saying after a LOT of work we did find a good fit and that those first impressions that may look like it’s a bunch of nursing-home level patients might not reflect the true population because the more active and mobile people are not sitting around a common room at any given time. And if you don’t need all the bells and whistles like a sauna or pool or pickleball courts or walking trails, but you do need a nice space, levels of care that aren’t sprung on you like a bait and switch, really great staff, and an affordable base rent, we are really pleased with Spring Hills Mount Vernon so far.

You need a place that offers continued care. I have seen this with one of my parents and with inlaws. Everyone wants to be in the club that isn't a match for them. Even if they can afford to be at a place that does not offer the full spectrum because they can hire their own caregivers, they will likely be snubbed by friends if they age faster. In fact, my mother who was the first to snub those who aged more rapidly and didn't want to live among them, is now being snubbed by her younger friends.

Anonymous wrote:I’m bumping this old post because it has great info. Does anyone know of 60-something couples living in Independent Living at Knollwood or other similar CCRCs in the DC area, or Maplewood Park Place in Bethesda? Can active older adults really live pretty independently, or is it depressing? Thanks.

My parents just put a deposit at another CCRC in Fairfax and the average move in age is 78. 60-somethings will be YOUNG compared to everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:Ashby Ponds, but probably too expensive

Thanks but if this is Ashby Ponds in Ashburn, I do not consider that the DC area!

Ashby Ponds, but probably too expensive

I’m bumping this old post because it has great info. Does anyone know of 60-something couples living in Independent Living at Knollwood or other similar CCRCs in the DC area, or Maplewood Park Place in Bethesda? Can active older adults really live pretty independently, or is it depressing? Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t afford a buy-in community.

AL is far more expensive - generally $10k/ month.

?

Not what I’m seeing.

Buy-in communities are $100-200k plus monthly fees.

ALs start at $5k in the dc metro area.

$5k for AL in the DC area has to mean a small group home (maybe 5-10 rooms max). It’s going to be very basic at that cost. Most of the larger/fancier places start at about twice that and can easily go up depending on the care level needed.

I’m not looking at fancy.

And I’m not looking for a lot of care at the entry level: just apartment, meals, and staff that can alert someone if they fall or aren’t eating.

Chesterbrook is a nice facility - it's in Falls Church - McLean, VA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t afford a buy-in community.

AL is far more expensive - generally $10k/ month.

?

Not what I’m seeing.

Buy-in communities are $100-200k plus monthly fees.

ALs start at $5k in the dc metro area.

$5k for AL in the DC area has to mean a small group home (maybe 5-10 rooms max). It’s going to be very basic at that cost. Most of the larger/fancier places start at about twice that and can easily go up depending on the care level needed.

I’m not looking at fancy.

And I’m not looking for a lot of care at the entry level: just apartment, meals, and staff that can alert someone if they fall or aren’t eating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leisure world doesn’t offer assisted living. It’s independent living.

Most assisted living places I’ve seen offer different levels of care, and I am not worried about nursing home level of care at the moment.

They basically need a community of their peers plus meals and someone to notice if they fall, don’t eat, or decline.

Relatives aren’t local and nobody is equipped to provide such care since everyone works and nobody has a home with an extra bedroom, accessible bathroom, etc.

Okay. But you can *become* very, very worried about it in a fraction of a second. At non-scalable places, one stroke or bad fall can mean you can't live there anymore, and you'll need to find another place very quickly and may not have a lot of choices, or any choices. Do you want to set your relative up for this kind of situation?

It's all too common for people to feel this way and you don't have to accommodate it if you don't think it's in your relative's best interest. Everyone wants to be somewhere that's "vibrant", but we can't all be the oldest person in our setting.

The ones I’m looking at have nursing care and memory care. They get very pricey if you need round the clock nursing care, so I would either figure out bringing them home and paying for care or depleting their funds and transitioning to a Medicaid nursing home. Or staying put. It all depends on timing and funds.

Bottom line: it’s all very depressing. Nobody wants to live around frail people in wheel chairs.

Anonymous wrote:The Modena Reserve in Kensington seems nice

That’s a good one. The Seneca in Rockville is another nice one and is Brightview West End. There’s a huge one also opening up in July by Rio in Gaithersburg that looks like a 5 star resort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t afford a buy-in community.

AL is far more expensive - generally $10k/ month.

?

Not what I’m seeing.

Buy-in communities are $100-200k plus monthly fees.

ALs start at $5k in the dc metro area.

$5k for AL in the DC area has to mean a small group home (maybe 5-10 rooms max). It’s going to be very basic at that cost. Most of the larger/fancier places start at about twice that and can easily go up depending on the care level needed.

Anonymous wrote:Leisure world doesn’t offer assisted living. It’s independent living.

Most assisted living places I’ve seen offer different levels of care, and I am not worried about nursing home level of care at the moment.

They basically need a community of their peers plus meals and someone to notice if they fall, don’t eat, or decline.

Relatives aren’t local and nobody is equipped to provide such care since everyone works and nobody has a home with an extra bedroom, accessible bathroom, etc.

Okay. But you can *become* very, very worried about it in a fraction of a second. At non-scalable places, one stroke or bad fall can mean you can't live there anymore, and you'll need to find another place very quickly and may not have a lot of choices, or any choices. Do you want to set your relative up for this kind of situation?

It's all too common for people to feel this way and you don't have to accommodate it if you don't think it's in your relative's best interest. Everyone wants to be somewhere that's "vibrant", but we can't all be the oldest person in our setting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CCRC seems crazy expensive.

Relative is on a fixed income.

I’m definitely looking for a community with scalable care (seems common)—but everyone seems really frail.

If relative lives alone, they won’t manage their nutrition—so they need a place that provides meals and makes sure they aren’t skipping meals.

They have fallen before, although not recently. We are worried they might fall again if left alone and nobody would notice. They can do stairs, but not without risk—which is why we want them to move to AL (and why none of us can have them in our homes since they can’t do stairs unassisted).

They don’t drive anymore, which is a big reason why they would benefit from AL.

It’s become difficult to handle their bills. Another plus of AL.

So they want/need something, but can't afford it?

No.

They can afford AL, but they don’t like it. They think everyone is too old/too frail.

AL is $5-7k/month where I’ve looked. Do-able, but they think it’s a place for old people to wait to die.

That's accurate, which is why they probably need Independent Living. Even many of the IL places we looked at skewed very old and many people with mobility challenges.

They are looking at the IL options in AL communities.

I thought OP said she wanted AL so they got more support and all meals. Maybe OP is confused about what the differences between IL and AL are but I assume not since she’s been visiting and pricing places.