Anonymous
04/23/2024 12:59
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
OP here. Thank you for your responses. I've driven with her recently and saw no problem. Yes, she's tested regularly by the DMV.
Siblings think she can just use Uber or Lyft, but she struggles with the apps; her phone isn't always charged; and she resents the $$.
But she's trying. I don't like when my siblings say, "It's so easy, Mom!" It's not easy, for her.
I will temper my temper and focus on the infantilizing of our mother on many fronts: whether she should continue to live on her own; whether she should be cooking, etc. I respect her choices. But on the driving, I'll watch carefully. Thank you.
Siblings think she can just use Uber or Lyft, but she struggles with the apps; her phone isn't always charged; and she resents the $$.
But she's trying. I don't like when my siblings say, "It's so easy, Mom!" It's not easy, for her.
I will temper my temper and focus on the infantilizing of our mother on many fronts: whether she should continue to live on her own; whether she should be cooking, etc. I respect her choices. But on the driving, I'll watch carefully. Thank you.
Anonymous
04/23/2024 10:56
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Anonymous wrote:My mom just turned 90 and the state made her go through testing to renew her license. She passed with flying colors.
As already stated, it varies from person to person
I would recommend taking the mom to get the test. If she passes, great. If not, then for her safety and everyone elses please take the keys away (actually the state will take the license if not passing)
Anonymous
04/23/2024 10:46
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is 90 and drives just fine, no problems, lucky for her her three adult kids aren't trying to run her life for her yet.
I have another friend who is 83, she had a minor accident at the Trader Joe's that was her fault, the state was having her retest to see if she should be driving, she thought the tests were too hard and gave up her license voluntarily.
It is a very individual thing despite age. I'm with you, it is not appropriate to infantalize an adult because of your opinion rather than based on facts.
IMO, once you hit 65+, you should have to have an IN person vision test (or from licensed Doctor) every 5 years AND an in person driving test every 5 years. Once you hit 80, I think that test should be every 2 years. Driving is a privilege, not a right.
Fact is many 85+ should not be driving and most kids have trouble taking away the keys.
Anonymous
04/23/2024 08:37
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Maybe suggest mom limits her driving to daylight, and ice-free roads? Just like when your teens first start driving
That might be a good compromise
That might be a good compromise
Anonymous
04/22/2024 16:14
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
lol at this troll!
Anonymous
04/22/2024 10:23
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Anonymous wrote:Every time I’ve known a family to have this debate, it was actually about two years PAST time for the parent to give up their license. It sucks, OP, but I can almost guarantee your siblings are right here.
x10000000
Whatever you do, exert a tiny amount of common sense to this situation, OP. How would you feel if you had a neighbor like this? If you knew their reflexes were slow, which is inevitable, after age 80 (as PP stated)? I know someone whose parent literally had only partial vision in one (!!) eye, and still thought it was "cute" that the DMV gave them their license, in spite of failing the vision test with flying colors.
No, it is not at all cute to give a one and a half ton killing machine to a mostly blind person who claims that they "know where to turn" to get to recreational (!!!) places. Geesus, people, get a clue.
Anonymous
04/22/2024 01:08
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Op, do you live nearby? Will you have the burden of driving mom around?
I doubt your mom is a good driver. She probably drives dangerously slow. Also, how is she with traffic circles? You need to take a ride with her not just locally but on the highway.
I doubt your mom is a good driver. She probably drives dangerously slow. Also, how is she with traffic circles? You need to take a ride with her not just locally but on the highway.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 13:22
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Your siblings are right. There’s no way a 90 year old is a good driver—I’d say that about 80 year olds too. I won’t get in the car with anyone over 70 unless I know them well. The fact you have more than one sibling disagreeing with you tells me you’re wrong. I’m so glad my mom willingly gave up her license in her late 70s.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:37
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Every time I’ve known a family to have this debate, it was actually about two years PAST time for the parent to give up their license. It sucks, OP, but I can almost guarantee your siblings are right here.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:35
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When it is I turn 80, I've told my kids ... it's your decision. Take my keys, whatever. You will know better than I.
The elderly have to adjust - sorry.
Get back to us when you're 80.
Amen to this!
Because there is zero chance a person in their 90s has good reflexes, especially if OP is describing her as “slowing down.”
The last thing anyone wants is to have their independence taken from them. Driving means independence. Unless she is a danger to herself or others on the rode why would she be forced to stop driving?
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:15
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Agree with looking at how she parks. If she routinely parks well, that's a good sign she's still fine to drive. If she doesn't park cleanly, then it's time to confiscate the keys.
(by "parking well" I do not mean tire bordering the line. I mean car is centered on all 4 sides. And yes, there are lots of people younger than 90 who park horribly and should not be allowed to drive. Having good spatial awareness is perhaps THE most important skill on the road).
(by "parking well" I do not mean tire bordering the line. I mean car is centered on all 4 sides. And yes, there are lots of people younger than 90 who park horribly and should not be allowed to drive. Having good spatial awareness is perhaps THE most important skill on the road).
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:12
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Sorry but after 80 you should have to pass a driving test yearly. Even if they aren’t getting into accidents, they often cause other accidents.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:10
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
Anonymous wrote:They are right
+1
They should be reporting your mother. It can be done anonymously. No one (NO ONE) in their nineties should be driving. At all.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:09
Subject: Re:siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
This happened 2 years ago and comes to mind. https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2022/03/12/parthenon-sidewalk-dc-crash-victims/ Not sure why the family of the driver continued to let him drive.
Anonymous
04/21/2024 11:00
Subject: siblings think that my mom, a good driver, should stop driving
I spent nearly a decade as a professional caregiver and I once cared for an elderly couple in their 90s who were housebound and both experienced serious health and mobility issues.
They very much enjoyed the regular visits from a longtime friend, herself 97 years old, who drove over once a week with their favorite pastries from the bakery they once visited together. That woman was sharp as a tack, physically fit and a better driver than the majority of teens and twenty somethings who cause the majority of accidents on the road.
On the other hand my cousin’s MIL lost her license and insurability after having two minor accidents that nevertheless wrecked her vehicles in her early 80s. She’s always had ADD and it worsened with age so that she couldn’t concentrate well on the act of driving and the many things going on around her on the road.
I’ve known fit, in their prime adults who I wouldn’t ride in a vehicle with if they were driving at any age.
This is very much an individual thing. I believe in retesting as people get very elderly, but frankly I think every driver should retest every so many years because many are just incompetent behind the wheel. But this won’t happen until we devise an affordable way to test driving via technology - nobody wants to put the money into the person power necessary to test so many people on a regular basis.
They very much enjoyed the regular visits from a longtime friend, herself 97 years old, who drove over once a week with their favorite pastries from the bakery they once visited together. That woman was sharp as a tack, physically fit and a better driver than the majority of teens and twenty somethings who cause the majority of accidents on the road.
On the other hand my cousin’s MIL lost her license and insurability after having two minor accidents that nevertheless wrecked her vehicles in her early 80s. She’s always had ADD and it worsened with age so that she couldn’t concentrate well on the act of driving and the many things going on around her on the road.
I’ve known fit, in their prime adults who I wouldn’t ride in a vehicle with if they were driving at any age.
This is very much an individual thing. I believe in retesting as people get very elderly, but frankly I think every driver should retest every so many years because many are just incompetent behind the wheel. But this won’t happen until we devise an affordable way to test driving via technology - nobody wants to put the money into the person power necessary to test so many people on a regular basis.