Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether man or woman, at least one recent full body photo. I cannot tell you how many people I have met through OLD who were clearly older than their photos and/or had put on 15-20 lbs since their photos were taken.

Nothing kills the spark in a first meeting like the feeling that the person you are meeting is not at all like the photos in the OLD site.

This definitely an issue. Almost everyone I met in person immediately said "oh wow, you look JUST like your pictures!"

I am having sort of an opposite problem. I'm a woman, late 40s, in good shape, and look younger than my age. My profile lists my actual age and all pics are from the past 6 months, but people assume they are older and that I lie about my age. What do you do with that?

I’m late 30s and just recently got on the apps for the first time ever after my divorce last year, and this happened more than once to me too! The nice man I’m currently seeing said he almost didn’t bother messaging me because he was sure my profile was fake. I’m reasonably attractive/in good shape for a middle aged mom with a desk job but I’m not turning heads on the street over here and “being too attractive” is not a problem I’ve ever had in life. Not sure what to do about it tbh. I just hope this current man keeps acting right so I don't have to worry about it again!

Female on OLD here. Try to curate your profile from the perspective of a person who wants to go on a date with you, not from a self-centered perspective. Here's what I mean...

From a photograph perspective, I would improve a profile the following ways: no pictures in the gym, car, or fishing (if you don't fish often). Make sure the picture is upright (meaning not 90 degrees sideways). There are too many sideways pics out there for it to be ironic... Try to limit the selfies, and if you don't have non-selfie pics, have a friend or a restaurant server take a pic of you across a table. It's nice to imagine a first date with someone, so a gentle smile and a good looking drink or meal are appealing. If you are taking a mirrored selfie (which I don't recommend but whatever), make sure the room behind you is clean. People are looking at your piles of clothing and your bathroom bottles. Also look at the camera in the mirror image, not your face. That shows eye contact. But really...try to stay away from mirror selfies... All pics should be no more than 5 years old. The pictures I find most appealing are pictures that look like they are taken from the perspective of a friend or a date, not the picture you like from your own perspective. Not many people are going on a first date at the gym or on the dashboard of your car.

From a writing perspective: write SOMETHING! Looks will carry you so far, and personality matters. Try to avoid writing "I'm bad at writing about myself..." as a starter. That shows a lack of confidence and is a turn off. It's amusing how many men I date from OLD won't stop talking about themselves when we are in person, so channel THAT energy when advertising yourself in your profile. If you can't get away from the bad writing disclaimer, write it out and write something nice about yourself, and then delete the disclaimer. I promise the second part of the sentence is the only part a potential date is interested in. If you include hobbies (which I recommend), get a little detailed about it. For example, if you like cooking, elaborate on what dish you like to cook the most. Or even better, say "I'll cook you my famous [fill in the blank dish]." If you like to read, list a few books or genres that you read recently. If you get out in nature or travel, say where you've been recently. If you want to travel, say where you want to go and why. What I'm getting at here is that the details are far more colorful than the generic "I like to cook, read and travel."

And with all of these suggestions for thoughtful writing, I also recommend not writing too much. Provide a few relatable and interesting things about yourself to inspire someone to reach out to you and want to get to know you more.

Profile curation takes a little time and effort. If inspiration isn't coming to you in the moment, keep a running list handy so you can write things down about yourself for later curation. Like online dating itself, you get out what you put into your profile. This is lots of effort with small returns and can feel defeatist at times, even if you have a quality profile. Allow yourself some grace, and good luck to you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether man or woman, at least one recent full body photo. I cannot tell you how many people I have met through OLD who were clearly older than their photos and/or had put on 15-20 lbs since their photos were taken.

Nothing kills the spark in a first meeting like the feeling that the person you are meeting is not at all like the photos in the OLD site.

This definitely an issue. Almost everyone I met in person immediately said "oh wow, you look JUST like your pictures!"

I am having sort of an opposite problem. I'm a woman, late 40s, in good shape, and look younger than my age. My profile lists my actual age and all pics are from the past 6 months, but people assume they are older and that I lie about my age. What do you do with that?

Don’t post photos of you looking at your phone - make eye contact with camera. A candid is fine, but having you stare at your phone is not welcoming.

Or photos only with hats and/sunglasses on. Post at least one with you genuinely laughing - not just smiling - but smiling.

Anonymous wrote:Whether man or woman, at least one recent full body photo. I cannot tell you how many people I have met through OLD who were clearly older than their photos and/or had put on 15-20 lbs since their photos were taken.

Nothing kills the spark in a first meeting like the feeling that the person you are meeting is not at all like the photos in the OLD site.

This definitely an issue. Almost everyone I met in person immediately said "oh wow, you look JUST like your pictures!"

Anonymous wrote:What would you do differently? TIA.

Usually the answer is to lose weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One simple trick:

Don’t be fat.

Prove this by posting photos that show your entire body.

Head shots only = she's fat.

This reminds me of a girl I met though match.com 15 years ago. She had a very cute face. But, I didn't really notice she didn't post any photos showing her body. On the first date I was floored. She was a good 40-50lb overweight. At the time I was a fitness guy. I ran 5-6 miles a day and lifted weights. I was in excellent shape. Went through the date as a good gentleman. But, she kept calling for a second date and I just came up with excuses.

Fatfishing is an IQ test and you failed.

Not pp What the hell is fat fishing?

Also guys do this too with females all the time (I am a woman). I am very health conscious and even have that in my profile. Health is extremely important to me because I grew up overweight and it took me a long time to reframe my relationship with food and work on myself. And I’ll never go back. And yet even though I’m in great shape and put an emphasis on wanting people who also take health seriously etc…on my profile-I routinely have men very overweight who don’t give a crap about health responding. I’m assuming pp also had stuff about health being an emphasis on his profile.

Fitness is important to me, so I don’t fit what you’re saying here. But after about the 10th time hooking up with a woman who had “no hookups” in her profile, I learned not to pay attention to what are just words on a screen. I can see why fat guys do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One simple trick:

Don’t be fat.

Prove this by posting photos that show your entire body.

Head shots only = she's fat.

This reminds me of a girl I met though match.com 15 years ago. She had a very cute face. But, I didn't really notice she didn't post any photos showing her body. On the first date I was floored. She was a good 40-50lb overweight. At the time I was a fitness guy. I ran 5-6 miles a day and lifted weights. I was in excellent shape. Went through the date as a good gentleman. But, she kept calling for a second date and I just came up with excuses.

Fatfishing is an IQ test and you failed.

Not pp What the hell is fat fishing?

Also guys do this too with females all the time (I am a woman). I am very health conscious and even have that in my profile. Health is extremely important to me because I grew up overweight and it took me a long time to reframe my relationship with food and work on myself. And I’ll never go back. And yet even though I’m in great shape and put an emphasis on wanting people who also take health seriously etc…on my profile-I routinely have men very overweight who don’t give a crap about health responding. I’m assuming pp also had stuff about health being an emphasis on his profile.

Exactly. A person who is into fitness, working out, and being healthy doesn't want to be with someone who's the opposite. That's life. If a person is overweight don't hide it online. That's just trying to scam a person into meeting you on a first date. It's a waste of time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One simple trick:

Don’t be fat.

Prove this by posting photos that show your entire body.

Head shots only = she's fat.

This reminds me of a girl I met though match.com 15 years ago. She had a very cute face. But, I didn't really notice she didn't post any photos showing her body. On the first date I was floored. She was a good 40-50lb overweight. At the time I was a fitness guy. I ran 5-6 miles a day and lifted weights. I was in excellent shape. Went through the date as a good gentleman. But, she kept calling for a second date and I just came up with excuses.

Fatfishing is an IQ test and you failed.

Not pp What the hell is fat fishing?

Also guys do this too with females all the time (I am a woman). I am very health conscious and even have that in my profile. Health is extremely important to me because I grew up overweight and it took me a long time to reframe my relationship with food and work on myself. And I’ll never go back. And yet even though I’m in great shape and put an emphasis on wanting people who also take health seriously etc…on my profile-I routinely have men very overweight who don’t give a crap about health responding. I’m assuming pp also had stuff about health being an emphasis on his profile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One simple trick:

Don’t be fat.

Prove this by posting photos that show your entire body.

Head shots only = she's fat.

This reminds me of a girl I met though match.com 15 years ago. She had a very cute face. But, I didn't really notice she didn't post any photos showing her body. On the first date I was floored. She was a good 40-50lb overweight. At the time I was a fitness guy. I ran 5-6 miles a day and lifted weights. I was in excellent shape. Went through the date as a good gentleman. But, she kept calling for a second date and I just came up with excuses.

Fatfishing is an IQ test and you failed.

How can you not tell someone is overweight from their face?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One simple trick:

Don’t be fat.

Prove this by posting photos that show your entire body.

Head shots only = she's fat.

This reminds me of a girl I met though match.com 15 years ago. She had a very cute face. But, I didn't really notice she didn't post any photos showing her body. On the first date I was floored. She was a good 40-50lb overweight. At the time I was a fitness guy. I ran 5-6 miles a day and lifted weights. I was in excellent shape. Went through the date as a good gentleman. But, she kept calling for a second date and I just came up with excuses.

I get this on some level. But it also shows you as pretty shallow.
So no overweight people should be dating?

I never said that. She hid that she was overweight on purpose online. I was focused on fitness and health. She was not. Why would I date her? If she wanted to date someone who really liked her for who she was she should have posted her body also. But, she didn't on purpose. Not my issue.

So . . . you wouldn't date someone fat. Right.

Not PP, I would not date someone fat. I’m sure I possess qualities that are dealbreakers for others. Despite my flaws, I’ve successfully dated from the apps because my photos provide an accurate depiction of what to expect.

Thank you for at least admitting it. And the point made several posts up.

Who isn't admitting it? LOL, I think you are trying to cause drama when there isn't any drama. Not our fault you are fat or overweight and hate it when people who aren't see you in that light. Sorry, that's life. Anyone can date anyone they want. Same as women can date men off a list of standards.