Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so out of loop I guess. 5K for a bar mitzvah is considered budget ?

In 1988, my sister's bat mitzvah cost $70,000. There were 200 people.

Ludicrous. Your parents have more money than sense,!

I think one thing we can all agree on after reading this whole thread is: Do not spend the equivalent of $250,000 on a party for a teenager.

I'm trying to keep the total cost of our kid's BM under the total cost of our wedding reception (nearly 20 years ago) in non-inflation-adjusted dollars, which will still be a stupid amount of money to spend on a party for a teenager but at least feels like a reasonable goal.

Anonymous wrote:Cater a full luncheon at the temple, then party at the temple with a kids food buffet and a DJ.

The biggest savings come from

* fewer guests (helps to have small family and no friends)
* no band
* no plated food service for adults
* no alcohol if you dare
* minimal rental games/booths
* no professional videographer or photographer. (No one cares about those videos, guests have their smartphones)

This will cost way more than $5K. The DJ alone is $3K+ and the full catered kiddush at the temple is too.

This would not be everyone’s pick, but a friend was just saying their plan was to do a luncheon for family and then let their kid pick 2-3 close friends to go to NYC for the weekend. They could do virtually anything they want and it would be cheaper than one of those huge parties (and less of a headache to plan).

A relative did a BBQ in their back yard. Set up a volleyball net, used an iPhone and speakers for music, and just grilled all afternoon. Fortunately, weather was perfect - no idea what would have happened if it had rained

My favorite part of the weekend for DS was a Friday night dinner at a restaurant for family. 40 something people. It was just nice to all be together. And then the service and Kiddush. We had a traditional bigger party, but consider just a regular bday party for the kid, in addition to a restaurant or backyard family dinner.

What does the kid like and how many friends? A fancy restaurant for 10 kids? 30 kids at a pool party? Don't worry about it looking like a hotel dance party - just do something that the kid likes.

Anonymous wrote:You could just have family attend a kiddush lunch at the temple (which at our temple you have to pay for regardless) and then do a Bowlero party at night for their friends. Bowlero was under $1K when we did it but we only invited about ten kids.

We are doing Bowlero for immediate family and kid’s friends. Ruthless with the list. It’s 55 total and it costs about $5K for our package. Also doing the kiddish at our synagogue and that’s about $3K. The key is ruthless guest list. This isn’t the time to have your first cousins attend. But maybe your kid’s first cousins. Grandparents yes. But your aunt and uncle no. Have them to the kiddish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so out of loop I guess. 5K for a bar mitzvah is considered budget ?

In 1988, my sister's bat mitzvah cost $70,000. There were 200 people.

And hopefully you realize that was way out of the range of normal!

It was actually completely normal and in line with all the bar and bat mitzvah's I'd been going to my entire life up to that point, and all the ones I've been to since. NY, NJ, CT, MA and LA do these on a different level.

70k/200 people has never been normal. Maybe in your small circle of very wealthy people.

These are just UMC and MC families. Not "very wealthy" people. There are people who saved for years to provide that. If that's not your way, it's fine. Everyone does what works for them.

No they were not MC families. That is over $250k in 2024 dollars.

Did you miss the part where I said some people saved for years? MY parents were middle class, living in an UMC area. They saved for almost ten years for my sister's bat mitzvah. We, as a family, sacrificed a lot for that weekend.

In my experience as a 50-year-old Jew who has only lived in the biggest, wealthiest cities in the US, middle class Jewish people don't save for years for a party they can't afford. They save for years for educational expenses and for their homes, but not for blow-out parties.

Maybe your parents were lousy financial planners, PP? I've only seen really expensive bar mitzvah parties from actually wealthy families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so out of loop I guess. 5K for a bar mitzvah is considered budget ?

In 1988, my sister's bat mitzvah cost $70,000. There were 200 people.

And hopefully you realize that was way out of the range of normal!

It was actually completely normal and in line with all the bar and bat mitzvah's I'd been going to my entire life up to that point, and all the ones I've been to since. NY, NJ, CT, MA and LA do these on a different level.

70k/200 people has never been normal. Maybe in your small circle of very wealthy people.

These are just UMC and MC families. Not "very wealthy" people. There are people who saved for years to provide that. If that's not your way, it's fine. Everyone does what works for them.

No they were not MC families. That is over $250k in 2024 dollars.

Did you miss the part where I said some people saved for years? MY parents were middle class, living in an UMC area. They saved for almost ten years for my sister's bat mitzvah. We, as a family, sacrificed a lot for that weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so out of loop I guess. 5K for a bar mitzvah is considered budget ?

In 1988, my sister's bat mitzvah cost $70,000. There were 200 people.

And hopefully you realize that was way out of the range of normal!

It was actually completely normal and in line with all the bar and bat mitzvah's I'd been going to my entire life up to that point, and all the ones I've been to since. NY, NJ, CT, MA and LA do these on a different level.

70k/200 people has never been normal. Maybe in your small circle of very wealthy people.

These are just UMC and MC families. Not "very wealthy" people. There are people who saved for years to provide that. If that's not your way, it's fine. Everyone does what works for them.

No they were not MC families. That is over $250k in 2024 dollars.

And given that the PP was only 3 at the time, I'm sure that her perception of the costs are probably not reliable.