Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools.

How do you do that when you are in public?

Pay for private.

We're facing a tough situation with our teen and would appreciate any advice. We live in a wealthy part of Northern Virginia, where the average household income is around $1 million, yet our teen is connecting online with kids from poorer and higher-crime areas of D.C. These friends often lack parental supervision and have a lot of freedom, which is appealing to him.

Despite our efforts to set boundaries, he's seeking the freedom to stay out late and explore, even on school nights. The more affluent kids in our area are focused on sports and academics, which he dismisses as nerdy and boring. This difference in interests has driven him to seek out friendships outside his immediate peer group.

Given our proximity to urban areas, where these influences are easily accessible, we're considering drastic measures. We're even thinking about moving to a rural area with strong Christian values for a tighter, more controlled community vibe, or potentially sending him to military school to instill discipline and structure. We're not particularly religious and lean left, but we're willing to explore these options if it means setting him on a better path.

Has anyone here moved to a rural area for similar reasons, or chosen military school for their teen? What were the outcomes? We're trying to weigh our options and decide the best course of action to help our son find a healthier and more productive way to channel his need for freedom and exploration.

This is a hard situation. If his grades are still ok, he doesn't seem to be on drugs, and he is still in school, I would watch carefully. Once any start slipping set firm boundaries on these things, not his friends. So low grades mean no going out on the weekends, etc... You don't have to say who.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a White family? You have to approach it like a non-White mom would approach! You have to put the fear of mommy in your child.

And that works?!

He’s seeking out these friendships bc he is seeking these experiences. Not bc he’s just a stupid kid who is easily influenced (I’d actually be more concerned if he was that weak minded)

Assuming he’s closer to 16 than 13, I’d ride it out. Ride him just enough that he toes the line. If he isn’t skipping class, keeps his grades up and isn’t doing anything dangerous like drinking and driving, you are better off guiding him to experiment without ruining his life. Nothing deflates their teenage rebellion phase more than you telling them you know what they are up to, explain how they can’t be a dumbass about it and need to do xyz if they must do this, and then not turning home into a prison over it.

Or, you can continue to watch and make him work to hide it from you, which also keeps him in line. What strategy is best depends on your kid.

I’ve seen so many mildly rebellious teens go down a bad path after parents freaked out. He’s likely doing totally normal stuff that you’d have no idea about if you didn’t read his messages. Ten years ago or more teens just lived like this and ended up totally productive adults, went to college etc. I’m sure you did and I did too.

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Although, I worked in some food service jobs as a teen, and there were some shady people there, so getting a job isn't always a good solution.

Haha. 100% agree. If I had a kid drawn to the bad crowd, I would not encourage a food service job.

Thanks for all of the replies. My husband is involved and a great dad. I've tried putting the fear of God in him, and he's generally pretty busy with his sports, but there is a 2 month lull between seasons right now. So far his grades are still good, and he loves going to work out at our local gym, but so do two of the boys seem to be trouble. I'm monitoring him via Life 360 and I do check his chats/texts, which is how I've found out some things. I'll see if we can fill the weekends with family stuff, but it's hard because I have another child who has commitments too. I'd love to find an outward bound camp for the summer. Will look into that, but not sure it's in our budget.

PP again. Although, I worked in some food service jobs as a teen, and there were some shady people there, so getting a job isn't always a good solution.

Anonymous wrote:How do you force a kid to do sports or get a job?

Don't give them spending money.

Are you a White family? You have to approach it like a non-White mom would approach! You have to put the fear of mommy in your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools.

This is what my parents did when my younger sister started hanging around with a rough druggie crowd as a freshman. My dad rented a townhouse in a small town with a better school district about 30 minutes away and they moved her to live with him. This was of course pre social media, but it worked!

Whoa. Were your parents married? Dad moved away with sister for better schools? That is pretty amazing and I commend your parents’ efforts and sacrifice

Anonymous wrote:Switch schools.

This is what my parents did when my younger sister started hanging around with a rough druggie crowd as a freshman. My dad rented a townhouse in a small town with a better school district about 30 minutes away and they moved her to live with him. This was of course pre social media, but it worked!

Anonymous wrote:I hung out with the cool or bad crowd in high school. The more my parents tried to make me Not hang out with them, the more I did. This was before cell phones. My parents had no way of contacting me. I eventually found my way. I didn’t go to as good of a college as I should have but ended up at an Ivy grad school where I met my husband. My parents love my husband.

God I hope my kids aren’t like me and take after DH. DH was always a good hard working kid.

Yeah but I bet you had a lot more fun!

Go away for several weekends, somewhere remote where the cell service doesn’t work. Like Shenandoah.

I hung out with the cool or bad crowd in high school. The more my parents tried to make me Not hang out with them, the more I did. This was before cell phones. My parents had no way of contacting me. I eventually found my way. I didn’t go to as good of a college as I should have but ended up at an Ivy grad school where I met my husband. My parents love my husband.

God I hope my kids aren’t like me and take after DH. DH was always a good hard working kid.