Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. We are in a similar boat. What I hold on to is that the diagnosis won't change who DD is. She is still the same child we know and love. And I have also realized that the notion everyone else has "perfectly healthy" kids is wrong. So many families have kids with special needs. DD has had other issues before and when I've mentioned them to other parents suddenly I learn about the struggles they have been having. For some reason I assumed DD was the only one.who had challenges and that is just not true.

I am this PP and we have our diagnosis.

I had almost convinced myself she wouldn't get the diagnosis, but after the appointment it is really clear to me. I just want to curl up and hide from the world for a bit.

OP, you're definitely not alone!

My heart goes out to you OP, I’ve been there, and struggled hard to accept the DX. Several years later, I’m (mostly) at peace. I’ve absolutely stopped comparing my ASD child to my other child or NT children, I’ve moved away from standard “benchmarks” parents set for their kids (like expecting them to go to a specific college or have a specific career or life path), I’ve focused hard on having the child find a supportive and enjoyable environment and the very best services I could find/afford, and most importantly I am taking it one day at a time, refusing to allow myself to worry about years out (and whenever it got too hard I made a point to refocus on self-care so I can be the best parent I can be), but as time went on I started finding out the amazing aspects of my ASD child, learned to be happy at their success, meeting them where they are (and not where NT kids at their age were supposed to be), and facing more calmly this journey despite the fact that I don’t know where it’s likely to lead and when the next challenge is going to come upon us.

It’s hard OP. My child was diagnosed on the later side, so it felt harder somehow (it probably feels the same for most parents going through the diagnosis process). I posted here for support and was told the exact same thing doctors and teachers had been telling me for years - “it must be your parenting because your child only struggles at your house”. Since then we’ve found so many people with kids who have SN, and sometimes in really unexpected ways.

Once at a basketball game my child had a major meltdown and another parent gathered our things for us and brought them to us while we managed the situation, and told us that her children had similar struggles and that we should get coffee sometime. I cried after I got home because no one had ever seen a meltdown of my child’s and been so compassionate and nonjudgmental before that. I try to remember that moment when I see parents struggling, and I try to be that person if I’m able to.