These are problems of your own making.

Sleep train. He needs to be in his own bed.

Stop throwing birthday parties for characters from Paw Patrol.

Make your husband do drop off of pick up.


Seriously lady, you need to draw boundaries with the men in your life. Model self respect for your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

It isn't. Just another sanctimonious person taking joy in proving how "wonderful" she is. Such a great mom!!!

Anonymous wrote:I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

How in the world is this helpful?

I loved parenting, even to the point where I cared for my sister's kids and my best friend's kid for a few years so I could continue to stay home with my own kids until they were in elementary school. I started my career after that.

I don't personally know how anybody can enjoy their life much if both parents work full time and also parent young kids. It sounds totally overwhelming and impossible to do justice to, much less enjoy, either your job or your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

This for sure! Pretend play isn’t something parents have to be involved in often or even at all! Kids can pretend by themselves or with other kids and that’s just fine! What parts of parenting do you genuinely enjoy? Me, I enjoy showing my kids new things and having them enjoy them. We’re travelling at the moment and it’s hard work making it fun for my 2yo and 4yo but I’m still having a blast — I love exploring new places and spending half of every day exploring new playgrounds is fine with me. I also love fostering independence. They are forced to help with chores more than I play pretend with them but they’re so proud of doing chores it motivates me to start the process.

I don’t go to a gym with childcare but I’m honestly thinking of looking into it based on how many people on DCUM recommend it; I need to get more exercise.

All of this aside: I don’t think anyone enjoys parenting 24/7! It’s hard work and exhausting and relentless. Especially if you’re feeling unsupported by your partner. I hope you can figure out a parenting mindset/approach that works for you soon, OP. It’s a tough job, but I think it does get physically easier as they grow although I’m sure the mental load will skyrocket for me in a decade or so.

OP,

At my church the parents take their kids outside when they start wiggling or running around in the sanctuary. It is ok.

I got a dog to help play with my 4 yo and it helped a lot.

Hi OP. First off, welcome to the church!

I feel the same way many days now. I have been musing to myself about how much of a grind parenting is and how much it has cost me across many areas of my life. I think what could help you keep a basic level of sanity if some set alone time every weekend. A Saturday morning or afternoon where your husband can do whatever he wants with your son and you can do whatever you want. Even a couple of hours will make a huge difference.

Second, I echo what others have said about not being so child-centric. At 4, anything is fun to him if you say it in an exciting way. Take him to do errands, clean, organize laundry, meal prep. It will make all those things take longer and be messier but you are getting stuff done while babysitting your child. And you teach him to find joy and fun in everyday things so you don't have to keep upping the ante on entertaining him. What stresses me out is a whole weekend of kid centric stuff and then I am exhausted, Monday is around the corner, and I still have chores and shopping to do. If that's you too, then get him involved. Have your son fit into your life instead of trying to fit your life around him.

Lastly, I get the chore of taking kids to mass. Hang in there. I hear it gets better... I wouldn't know. It is always a sh*tshow for us, and it really affects my spirituality because I loved going to mass before having kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's behind your desire to convert to Catholicism? Given your emotional state, that sounds like a terrible idea.

We want to send him to a Catschool. My husband is Catholic although not confirmed. I wanted to join a community of faith in searching for more meaning in life. Although i've found some meaning in spirituality, the weekly classes have become a chore. They end around 8:30 and I need to get home quickly and get up for work the next morning at 5AM for work, all to be woken up at 1 or 3AM by my kid wanting to come in my bed.

You don’t have to be catholic to send your kid to catholic school. When schools were closed it helped get in but no one is exactly beating down the doors to be admitted. They’ll get in.

I have felt this way too. I think a youngest child (can’t remember if you said you have one younger than the 4yo) gets to be 5 and 6, it gets easier.

You don’t have to love it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about it. You’re overwhelmed. I SO relate to the feeling that even the two nights out aren’t enough.

1. Do 3-4 hours per week of *something only you care about* don’t stop at target to buy stuff that the household needs. Don’t count your driving time in the 4 hours. Husband can guarantee this for you, you can guarantee this for him if he needs it’s. That’s only 8 hours total on a Saturday.

2. Time. Again. A lot of things are fixed with time.

3. You’re not responsible for your kid rolling around or hopping etc etc. He’s a kid. No one is judging you, or nobody that matters. He’s going to do so much irritating stuff that has nothing to do with you. Let him. Get breaks. Don’t let anybody tell you that he’s being too much, he’s just a little kid.

I imagine you are just in a particularly hard phase and the exhaustion is making the days so much harder than they would be if you were more rested. Agree with a lot of other advice here, get out of the house more, have DH on duty more on weekends so you can leave, and find some hobbies/experiences you enjoy that are 100% for you. Also, I really really like the “best of both worlds” podcast about maximizing happiness in life as a working mom. They interview people and ask about their childcare/division of labor, etc and stress that we really can find time for our own lives and hobbies. I think something there might give you some ideas.

And also, hang in there and make more time for you and your happines. You’ll get through this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your husband isn’t doing enough. You say you’re doing the bulk of it.

My husband works out of state of occasion and was basically gone for the first 2.5 years of our sons life. I co slept with him because I was exhausted. At 4 years old, my son sleeps in his bed half the time and half the night in ours. There's always a 1-3AM wakeup. My husband is the one who gets up with him most nights and will help with the bulk of sick day care.

I still do the weekly housecleaning, majority of cooking and cleanup. My husband regularly does laundry but doesn't put it away. I am responsible for school pick up/drop off because of his work hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. He does do a good share, but it's usually 70/30 or 60/40.

By 4 your son should be able to be independent at night. Invest the time (with DH) in training him to put himself back to sleep, and sleeping in his own bed. That 1-3am thing is total bullshit. You keep saying your husband does a lot, does a good part but it's nowhere even. If your husband works until 3pm why isn't he picking DS up from school and then parenting while making dinner? Why are you doing the bulk of everything in the kitchen and all the cleaning? You keep defending your husband's pathetic involvement.

Totally agree. Also why are you giving in to demands for “physical attention” when you’re just exhausted, and not even into it!? If he wants a well-rested, spunky you, well he knows what he can do to make that happen….

Send your kid to an Episcopal school. It'll be less work for you.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this as a criticism but I too think it was a mistake that you indulged that birthday thing, and a red flag that you’re indulging kid-centrism too much.

I’d try to find more things that center what *you* want and where kid is tagging along more.

And if you don’t go to a gym with childcare yet, I’d loop that into your routine.

+1

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and hope you are able to get to a better emotional place.