Anonymous
12/02/2021 08:28
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Maura
Maura (Irish name that means star of The Sea).
You come for a large Irish American family where a minimum of three children is the norm, unless you are gay and the. 1-2 is acceptable.
Unfortunately, you were unable to have children during child bearing years due to chronic health issues. Maura was your much Wished-for child. You have scraped and saved to send her to the best possible schools, provide extra tutoring and dance lessons.
Sadly, Maura is turning out to be entitled, rebellious and bitter that you are older parents of modest means. Your extended family has little patience for her rude teen behavior but critique your parenting at every turn. Your mother say Ms she just needs a good snack behind the ears and to get off her bl$$dy phone.
You are developing migraine head aches trying to cope with Maura’s angry outbursts and reluctance to help around the home. Your husband loses himself in Washington Football Team and Nationals games, and is still upset that Maura is not a Michael.
Maura needs a hug and broom.
Anonymous
12/02/2021 08:27
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Joe
Just Joe
Just Joe
Anonymous
12/02/2021 08:11
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Veronica
You are Greek Americans who are homebodies and love good food.
You named you child Veronica because you hoped others would perceive her as someone who is full of life, uplifting, inspiring, and charming. You are on the shy side yourself but dreamed of living vicariously through a daughter who is the life of the party with a lively, intelligent, and witty personality. You hoped that by association, others would find you quietly attractive.
The hand of fate being resistant to wishful thinking, your Veronica is also introverted. However she has found a way to navigate her painful shyness by bringing characters to life in community theater.
You look down on simple minds that associate Veronica with the character from the Young and the Restless.
Anonymous
12/02/2021 06:05
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Alexa (she was born before the Amazon version)...
You are Russian dissidents who escaped the long hand of Putin by cooperating with US federal intelligence agencies investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election. Yiu changed your names but your daughter named for multiple female relatives called Alexandra did not want to lose her name entirely. So you shortened it to Alexa (both mean defender of man). Your daughter’s favorite name sister is Alexa Curtis (born 2004), thenAustralian singer who won the Voice Kids Australia. She thinks Alexa Moreno the Mexican artist is also cool. Your Alexa is a complex anomaly of humanity - secure and insecure at the same time. She speaks several languages fluently and plays several musical instruments very well but has a borderline eating disorder rooted in an impossible quest for perfection.
Anonymous
12/01/2021 21:27
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Nora and Henry
Anonymous
12/01/2021 21:17
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Lily; Isla
You have a PhD in biochemistry and are married to an under employed but charming actor- musician. You want your two daughters to feel secure in their feminine identity but also to challenge their intellectual horizons. You are third generation American with Scottish and French heritage. You like to think you are part Cherokee but that is not showing up in Ancestry.com DNA testing. Your husband takes pride in being a cultural mongrel but actually his DNA testing reveals that he is mostly of Northern European descent. You like to think of yourselves as spiritual rather than religious. You attend a Unitarian Universalist church for the community aspect but like to tell people that theologically, God to you means dog spelled backwards.
Lilly (English name, symbol of innocence, purity and beauty) is named for your favorite flower Lilly of the Valley. Isla (Scottish name derived from Islay, the name of a Scottish island, also known as the Queen of Hebrides) is named for a character in Harry Potter (Isla Black Hitchens), your fave childhood book series.
Anonymous
12/01/2021 20:53
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Bartholemew - goes by Lee, never Bart
Keenan
Lilah
You are a Orthodox Armenian, your husband is Irish Catholic and you are raising your children in a compromise faith tradition as Episcopalians.
Bartholemew (Hebrew: son of the forrow) is named for one of the founders of the Orthodox Armenian church/ Armenian Gregorian Church, who is the apostle, Saint Bartholomew. You are not a fan of Bart Simpson, and gently steered nicknames away from Bart and towards Lee. Keenan (anglicization of Irish name for little ancient one) is named for his great Uncle Keenan who is the well-loved family prankster. He likes to place plastic simulated poop and spiders in the kitchen, and plastic cling wrap across the toilet your husband uses. Your husband thinks that he is hilarious. Lilah (Hebrew for languishing, lovelorn, seductive, night beauty) is named for her grandmother Delilah. Lilah is studious, reserved, and ambitious. Lilah is looking forward to Armenian Christmas that is celebrated on January 6 when most other Western Christian traditions are putting away Christmas trees and decorations following the Epiphany.
Anonymous
12/01/2021 20:25
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:DC is called Bubba.
Bubba’s actual name is Gary but his sports loving father calls him Bubba in a nod to Bubba Smith formerly of the NFL and the golfer Bubba Watson. Bubba would actually prefer to be called Gary as he is not terribly athletic or extroverted. You call him Gary when your husband is not within earshot. His super athletic older brother Buddy, calls him blubber as he is given to emotional outbursts when his father humiliates him in public for not being more of a Jock. You are appalled by the toxic masculinity and reassure your son that snowflakes are an essential part of nature and the cycle of life. He rolls his eyes at you and longs for the approval of your husband.
Anonymous
12/01/2021 15:54
Subject: Re:Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Zachary
Gabriel
Jocelyn
You are of Catholic French origin (Brittany area) and you married a Mexican Jewish man whose grandparents escaped the Holocaust in Poland by immigrating to Central America. You converted to Judaism in order to raise your children Jewish. Jocelyn (cheerful) is named for your French Grandmother while Gabriel (hero of God) and Zachary (God remembers) are named for deceased relatives of your husband’s family who tragically perished in the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp in Germany between 1939 and 1945. Your children attend Hebrew school in MoCo but you do not want them to have splashy bar and bat mitzvahs. You are considering sending them to Rochambeau French School in Bethesda in order to maintain the French language and culture you have carefully cultivated in them, but they would prefer to stay with their friends in public school. The only private school they will consider is GDS because there are a lot of Jewish kids there and it has a chill vibe. You are put off GDS by the snobby GDS boosters on DCUM who are obsessed with being considered in the top three DMV area schools.
Ha! You got the first 4 words right though!!!
My husband is from MN with German heritage.
I don’t know one Jewish person.
I wasted all that imagination on a xenophobic gentile?
You are a Christian - your original leader was Jewish.
How is it possible to not know one Jewish person in 2021? You must not live in DMV/ DC area …
I'm sorry! It was really good though!
I live in the Midwest, yes.
Ha no worries - thank you for being polite … have family in Midwest and their friendly good manners are such a pleasure … I am not OP (hope he or she does not mind but saw so many unanswered names being nominated that thought I’d help out from Eamon and Ingrid on) -/ and it is probably obvious from the more outlandish flourishes (except for Bob one). The GDS reference in your snapshot is an inside DC joke (go to private school forum and you’ll get the gist). I’m not Jewish either but I do appreciate their many contributions here 😀
Anonymous
12/01/2021 11:01
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Maura
Anonymous
12/01/2021 10:26
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Veronica
Anonymous
12/01/2021 09:30
Subject: Re:Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Zachary
Gabriel
Jocelyn
You are of Catholic French origin (Brittany area) and you married a Mexican Jewish man whose grandparents escaped the Holocaust in Poland by immigrating to Central America. You converted to Judaism in order to raise your children Jewish. Jocelyn (cheerful) is named for your French Grandmother while Gabriel (hero of God) and Zachary (God remembers) are named for deceased relatives of your husband’s family who tragically perished in the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp in Germany between 1939 and 1945. Your children attend Hebrew school in MoCo but you do not want them to have splashy bar and bat mitzvahs. You are considering sending them to Rochambeau French School in Bethesda in order to maintain the French language and culture you have carefully cultivated in them, but they would prefer to stay with their friends in public school. The only private school they will consider is GDS because there are a lot of Jewish kids there and it has a chill vibe. You are put off GDS by the snobby GDS boosters on DCUM who are obsessed with being considered in the top three DMV area schools.
Ha! You got the first 4 words right though!!!
My husband is from MN with German heritage.
I don’t know one Jewish person.
I wasted all that imagination on a xenophobic gentile?
You are a Christian - your original leader was Jewish.
How is it possible to not know one Jewish person in 2021? You must not live in DMV/ DC area …
I'm sorry! It was really good though!
I live in the Midwest, yes.
Anonymous
11/30/2021 22:06
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Lily; Isla
Anonymous
11/30/2021 21:57
Subject: Re:Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Zachary
Gabriel
Jocelyn
You are of Catholic French origin (Brittany area) and you married a Mexican Jewish man whose grandparents escaped the Holocaust in Poland by immigrating to Central America. You converted to Judaism in order to raise your children Jewish. Jocelyn (cheerful) is named for your French Grandmother while Gabriel (hero of God) and Zachary (God remembers) are named for deceased relatives of your husband’s family who tragically perished in the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp in Germany between 1939 and 1945. Your children attend Hebrew school in MoCo but you do not want them to have splashy bar and bat mitzvahs. You are considering sending them to Rochambeau French School in Bethesda in order to maintain the French language and culture you have carefully cultivated in them, but they would prefer to stay with their friends in public school. The only private school they will consider is GDS because there are a lot of Jewish kids there and it has a chill vibe. You are put off GDS by the snobby GDS boosters on DCUM who are obsessed with being considered in the top three DMV area schools.
Ha! You got the first 4 words right though!!!
My husband is from MN with German heritage.
I don’t know one Jewish person.
I wasted all that imagination on a xenophobic gentile?
You are a Christian - your original leader was Jewish.
How is it possible to not know one Jewish person in 2021? You must not live in DMV/ DC area …
Anonymous
11/30/2021 21:38
Subject: Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
Alexa (she was born before the Amazon version)...