Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 15:13     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, please point out instances where this phrase has been used. Because it’s not.


I'm a SAHM who has never used the term, but older gentlemen have used it towards me ("oh, you are a full time mom") in conversation. I've always thought of it as an outdated phrase.


I have really only heard the terms SAHM, housewife, full time mom, etc. used to describe other people. It’s pretty rare that I hear anyone describe themselves this way. Usually people say something like “I’m a pediatrician, but I’m home with the kids right now.” Or “I retired from the army last year.” Or “I was a nurse, but I am thinking of switching into accounting when the kids get older.”
It’s rare that I hear someone respond to a question about their own paid work with answers about unpaid work.





OP here. I noticed someone from my kid’s school (a mom) who is an acquaintance of mine described herself on her Facebook profile as a “Full-time mom.”


Put whatever you wish on your Facebook profile. If you want to write “Part time nurse and Full time mom!” Go for it.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 15:09     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:It’s basically like working moms saying we have “a real job”. It’s mean and divisive


I’ve been a working mom for 16 years, and I’ve never said that nor have I ever heard anyone say it (re: “real job”).

To the OP’s question: I think the context matters. A cool SAHM might simply prefer to call herself a FT mom rather than a SAHM or homemaker. That’s fine. An insecure jerk might use the term to throw shade at a working mom. Who knows? And who cares?

From my perspective, these are the best labels:

Homemaker
Working mom
Moms who work PT
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 14:47     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:I’ve literally never heard someone use that expression but I have seen several insecure women misinterpret the acronym FTM to mean full time mom and then go on rants in comment sections that made them look stupid. Is that what you’re doing here, OP?


Lol, I've seen this too. My neighbor is this type, doesn't even both to hide the seething jealousy any longer.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 14:37     Subject: “Full time mom”
They use it to feel better about themselves, that’s it.
I don’t take it as a dig. I have been there
I feel good about my choices so they can “dig” all the want (if they want).
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 13:57     Subject: “Full time mom”
I don’t think I want to know anyone that uses the term “dig” in this way. It’s just looking for drama.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 10:38     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who is a SAHM. I am a WOHM. She has made it clear that she thinks most "working" moms neglect their children and leave the raising of those kids to daycare and SAHMs. She is always quick to add "but not you" - mostly because I volunteer a lot with the kids and she sees how much I put into their life. Plus my DH only works PT. There are a couple moms in our social circle who are very successful - and travel for work and work late etc. She has made it clear that she does not approve of them.
So depending on who is saying it really determines if it a dig or not.


Why on earth would you be friends with such a person? I would be afraid of letting her and her kids near my kids. Her kids are undoubtedly nasty little bullies. You should protect your children.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 10:36     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's a dig.

“Working mom” is a dig. Let’s just be honest here.


How?

All parents I know are working.
But if your work is away from your young children, someone else steps in to do your childcare work.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 10:28     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?


Running your household, raising your children, etc - that's life. It's not work.


This statement devalues the unpaid work that is done mostly by women.


It does!

I wish I could remember what it was, but something about this came up when talking about micro loans and why they weren’t as successful as originally hypothesized. One reason was that they were relying on women in developing countries to become entrepreneurs, and these women were already extremely busy. Maybe they weren’t working or earning much money, but they were preparing meals, raising children, and running their households.
And while I understand that this doesn’t look the same as US households, it’s just an example of how the unpaid labor done by women is so often discounted or assumed unimportant.


Actually, no one is devaluing that work. That is the entire reason that people are objecting to the term “full-time mom” to describe SAHMs. Because most working moms still do all that stuff - they prepare meals, run their households, take on the full mental load of raising their children + the physical load outside of the 40-50 hours per week they’re at work or commuting.

I personally think OP is being too sensitive, and I don’t really care what SAHMs call themselves. All that matters is how good a parent you are, whether or not you’re physically with your child for those extra 40-50 hours or not.


Well then, it sounds like you are still a full time mom. Maybe you could put “xyz job title AND full time mom” on your Facebook profile
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:55     Subject: “Full time mom”
Can we switch gears and stop playing into this patriarchal nonsense and instead start asking how men and women can both stop working ourselves into an early grave while spending inadequate time with our families? An ideal set up would be people making their own schedules but still being able to live in this country with healthcare and housing and food. Most people wouldn't choose to work 40-70 hours per week in an office like most of us do. It's a terrible way to waste your life.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:45     Subject: “Full time mom”
I have a good friend who is a SAHM. I am a WOHM. She has made it clear that she thinks most "working" moms neglect their children and leave the raising of those kids to daycare and SAHMs. She is always quick to add "but not you" - mostly because I volunteer a lot with the kids and she sees how much I put into their life. Plus my DH only works PT. There are a couple moms in our social circle who are very successful - and travel for work and work late etc. She has made it clear that she does not approve of them.
So depending on who is saying it really determines if it a dig or not.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:44     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:Do people really say this in real life? I'm wondering if this is a a miscommunication. I think a SAHM saw "FTM" on the internet, thought it meant "full time mom" instead of "first time mom," and decided "oh, I guess that's how I'm supposed to refer to myself."


My mom, who was a pretty sad and depressed SAHM, used to say this.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:42     Subject: Re:“Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:I hate the SAHM/WOHM debate. It’s old and tired. Many of us have been both at different times for different reasons. Anyone who sees things in life in black and white into their 30s or 40s has a little flexibility in their thinking and likely few deep friendships.


Also they are terrible parents of teens and horrific MILs. Rigid thinking like that is a character flaw.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:23     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:Do people really say this in real life? I'm wondering if this is a a miscommunication. I think a SAHM saw "FTM" on the internet, thought it meant "full time mom" instead of "first time mom," and decided "oh, I guess that's how I'm supposed to refer to myself."


This entire thread is probably a moot point since so few SAHMs use this term at all.
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 09:23     Subject: “Full time mom”
Do people really say this in real life? I'm wondering if this is a a miscommunication. I think a SAHM saw "FTM" on the internet, thought it meant "full time mom" instead of "first time mom," and decided "oh, I guess that's how I'm supposed to refer to myself."
Anonymous
Post 02/22/2020 08:33     Subject: “Full time mom”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's a dig.

“Working mom” is a dig. Let’s just be honest here.


How?


All moms are working and full time moms. Unless you have no parental rights. Full stop.