Anonymous
11/17/2019 17:20
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
You can plan all you want, but you can’t force an adult to do things they don’t want to do. What would it take to get you to go over all the mouldings in your home with a toothbrush daily? I bet you’d do it if I put a pistol to your head, but other than that...
You are an adult. So is the other person. You are married. Presumably you love each other. If you can't communicate your requirements to them and get them to cooperate, then you suck at adulting and you suck at communicating.
Not sure what world you operate in, but when a grown adult can’t handle life, telling him over and over again to handle it better does not get Defective. So your only option is to leave or put up with it. He likely knows that. It sux.
Anonymous
11/17/2019 15:50
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
DH doesn’t handle stress well. He’s always exploding over something, even minor. Like people taking a few seconds too long to make a left turn. His job stress is the big culprit.
Anonymous
11/17/2019 05:30
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Verbal and emotional abuse. I have no ounce of affection left. I'm planning my exit.
Anonymous
11/17/2019 05:21
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
Sex and intimacy for sure. Although oddly it's gone from a source of frustration to a source of complacency. I used to initiate all the time, and really get frustrated by the rejection. I finally gave up, truly have lost desire for my wife and the marriage feels oddly completely platonic now and fine. Not good but fine, like roommates who come and go but don't fight and sometimes have a good conversation.
Anonymous
11/17/2019 05:01
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Addiction was a core issue in my last relationship. It fueled lies and violence and an immense amount of pain. I never saw it coming. We were athletic , ate healthy, had a great life. Opiod and alcohol addiction is a deceptive demon.
I know it was easier for me to leave because I wasn’t a user at all, but it took a longer time to leave because I was ( and still can be ) an enabler.
I’m learning to change that about myself.
You can never control your partner, but you can control yourself.
I know it was easier for me to leave because I wasn’t a user at all, but it took a longer time to leave because I was ( and still can be ) an enabler.
I’m learning to change that about myself.
You can never control your partner, but you can control yourself.
Anonymous
11/16/2019 21:01
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
DH never initiates sex with me. I’ve told him I want him to initiate on more than one occasion and nothing happens. He’s willing when I initiate but it’s such a turn off to me that he never does. FWIW, I am still beautiful so it’s not that. He’s just not that interested.
Anonymous
11/16/2019 16:17
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
DW with significant untreated anxiety - doesn't recognize it and accordingly is unwilling to find help. It's soul-crushing for the marriage.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 21:07
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Planner versus non-planner (investor, non-investor). I don’t just mean money. Husband is only concerned with getting through the day. Refuses to teach kids to do chores (because it is time consuming and he just wants to get it done), is not interested in taking a step towards any long term goals, retirement, college savings ect. No tax planning, would rather hand over and Ipad to a kid versus being creative to manage their boredom.
It drives me nuts!
Same here! And I have a to do list and he’s more like I’ll just put out whatever fires that need to be put out. Also puts work above all else although he denies it.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 20:09
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
You can plan all you want, but you can’t force an adult to do things they don’t want to do. What would it take to get you to go over all the mouldings in your home with a toothbrush daily? I bet you’d do it if I put a pistol to your head, but other than that...
You are an adult. So is the other person. You are married. Presumably you love each other. If you can't communicate your requirements to them and get them to cooperate, then you suck at adulting and you suck at communicating.
I bet you poop smells like roses too. Aren’t you great! Aren’t you proud of yourself being so big! Come here, teach us all, how you manage to repeatedly say “you suck” to strangers and yet be so royal with your spouse.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 17:05
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
^^^Also, if you leave it all to one person, it probably won’t get done. Everyone has holes in their Swiss cheese, let’s things slide, forgets about xyz.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 17:03
Subject: Re:whats the core issue in your marriage
I didn’t say he was a moron or that it was hard. I said that even though he thinks he is doing half, he isn’t. Not because he is a jerk, but because 80% of it is little stuff that just flies under the radar.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 16:31
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
Honestly, it’s just really hard to articulate those things when you have never done it before. I didn’t know what it took to raise a family. Like when your roommate moves out their clothes, 1/2 the stuff from the kitchen, and 1/2 of the furniture. You both legitimately feel that they did half the work until you set about doing the rest.
For example, I have three kids ranging from 11 years old to 6 years old. Each one needs to be able to get up in the morning, take a shower, get dressed, fix his/her hair, and come down for breakfast.
There are a number of things that need to happen in order to make that work. Yes. Doing the laundry so they have clean clothes is part of it. So is grocery shopping so that there is food available for breakfast. But when you are listing out chores it somehow seems like those are the only two things that need to happen, when really that’s only 20% of it. They also need to know how to work their alarm clocks and how to rinse the soap out of their hair, and those things need to be purchased. They need to have clothes sorted because if something is too small or wrong for the season, you can bet they will be wearing it. Then when they are, you have to explain why they might not want to wear that. Clothing needs organized so that it can easily be found, socks and underwear need sorted and purchased....you just don’t think about it until you see it needs done, then you just do it.
I'm a divorced dad with two kids. None of this stuff is hard. I got my kids out of bed, dressed, fed, and ready for school this morning just like I have done for years. Are you really married to a completely incompetent moron?
And yes I also plan their summer camps and extracurriculars, help them with their homework, make their doctor/dental appointments and take them to them, make them practice their music, etc. etc. etc.
Frankly if I left it all to XW it probably wouldn't get done.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 16:25
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
You can plan all you want, but you can’t force an adult to do things they don’t want to do. What would it take to get you to go over all the mouldings in your home with a toothbrush daily? I bet you’d do it if I put a pistol to your head, but other than that...
You are an adult. So is the other person. You are married. Presumably you love each other. If you can't communicate your requirements to them and get them to cooperate, then you suck at adulting and you suck at communicating.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 16:11
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
Honestly, it’s just really hard to articulate those things when you have never done it before. I didn’t know what it took to raise a family. Like when your roommate moves out their clothes, 1/2 the stuff from the kitchen, and 1/2 of the furniture. You both legitimately feel that they did half the work until you set about doing the rest.
For example, I have three kids ranging from 11 years old to 6 years old. Each one needs to be able to get up in the morning, take a shower, get dressed, fix his/her hair, and come down for breakfast.
There are a number of things that need to happen in order to make that work. Yes. Doing the laundry so they have clean clothes is part of it. So is grocery shopping so that there is food available for breakfast. But when you are listing out chores it somehow seems like those are the only two things that need to happen, when really that’s only 20% of it. They also need to know how to work their alarm clocks and how to rinse the soap out of their hair, and those things need to be purchased. They need to have clothes sorted because if something is too small or wrong for the season, you can bet they will be wearing it. Then when they are, you have to explain why they might not want to wear that. Clothing needs organized so that it can easily be found, socks and underwear need sorted and purchased....you just don’t think about it until you see it needs done, then you just do it.
Anonymous
11/15/2019 15:57
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:His idea of dividing all the family responsibilities: I’ll do my best and she’ll do the rest.
Yeah, essentially this for us, too. More like: I do what I feel like, when I feel like, and she'll do the rest.
Ha! I have told my husband that he is like the first roommate to move out. Takes a few of the bigger, obvious things, but then leaves all of the little crap that no one really wants, but which is somehow 80% of what is there.
The core issue in all your marriages is your inability to communicate with your husbands and plan a fair division of responsibilities.
Are you really so helpless that your DH can just do whatever he wants and you accept it? Pathetic! Do better!
You can plan all you want, but you can’t force an adult to do things they don’t want to do. What would it take to get you to go over all the mouldings in your home with a toothbrush daily? I bet you’d do it if I put a pistol to your head, but other than that...