OP - I hear you. I am a DW and live near my husband’s family. In this case, I think your wife is being unreasonable. One of the things we established in our marriage is that the long distance extended family events take priority over the local ones. One of the things my DH has done is tried to accommodate seeing my family as much as possible. We obviously spend a lot more time with his parents (they need more help nowadays) but I am happy that he tries. I think your wife should suck it up and support you here. And you guys need to establish some ground rules of you will feel resentful over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not miss Christmas with my wife and child for any reason. They are more important then my extended family and I’d find a way to make it work even if it included cancelling the trip.

+1 Any option that doesn’t include being with my family on Christmas Day is a non-starter. I’d start with that being my #1 priority and work from there. Your baby might not appreciate it but your wife will even if she says “we’d be ok being alone.”

+1 for sure

Breastfeeding is not an issue (no more milk production), but yes that would have been complicated

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We compromised and she will fly in and out for a short trip, only using two days of PTO (and 2 company holiday days)

I'm so happy my family will be together for Christmas!!!!

I'll update anyone who is interested so you can hear about how the trip goes and if anyone has any regrets, but I think it's going to be great!!!

Anonymous wrote:=================== BUMP ===========================
My update is that I am going to propose that I fly to and from the town with the baby, and she comes on a much shorter trip (flying alone) so she only has to take two days of PTO.

* She is worried about traveling with a baby, but that will be my problem.
* She is worried about taking vacation days, but she will only use two of them (which is nothing at all considering that daycare is closed for 8 workdays).
* I'll drive to pick her and drop her off from/for her flights.

I feel like this is a good compromise that should address a lot of her concerns.

I will let you know what she says.

I don't think this plan is unreasonable, but (1) Is she breastfeeding/will she be then? If so, being away from the baby for how ever many days you're talking about will be a giant pain in the ass that will endanger her supply. (I realize people do EP and it is possible to pump sufficiently to keep supply up, but for a mostly BFing mom to suddenly start trying to EP at a year for multiple days is really REALLY hard. I have done it several times at various stages over 3 kids for work travel and it SUCKS.) The pumping during travel will particularly suck if we're talking about a 4+ hour flight. (2) Is she OK with being away from her baby for that many days? You know how you're rethinking being away from your baby for that many days - 2? Well, she likely feels the same way.

OP, this is obviously gnawing at you and you're spending a lot of energy on how you appear. Talk to your wife, listen to her, and go from there. She's the only audience that matters, not us.

Anonymous wrote:=================== BUMP ===========================
My update is that I am going to propose that I fly to and from the town with the baby, and she comes on a much shorter trip (flying alone) so she only has to take two days of PTO.

* She is worried about traveling with a baby, but that will be my problem.
* She is worried about taking vacation days, but she will only use two of them (which is nothing at all considering that daycare is closed for 8 workdays).
* I'll drive to pick her and drop her off from/for her flights.

I feel like this is a good compromise that should address a lot of her concerns.

I will let you know what she says.

What if she just doesn't want to travel for Christmas and she wants to be home with the baby?
Honestly it seems to me like you have a good plan for the week being fun in terms of having your family's own separate cabin, not planning on eating out with the extended family but just eating in at home, etc and if I were your wife I'd go along on this trip even if I didn't want to travel over Christmas just because it seems like you are making an effort to make it a nuclear family friendly trip and I didn't want us to be apart on Christmas. But If I were her I wouldn't agree to waht yuo are proposing here at all, because who wants to fly cross country for just 2 days and be away from their baby on Christmas??? If I were your wife I wouldn't want you taking my baby on a plane ride away for a whole week.

Anonymous wrote:Why is that unreasonable? She has the right to do what's most comfortable and convenient for her according to everyone

So I do too. Is there a controversy here?

I'm just happy I'm not in a childish, tit for tat marriage the way you seem to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't miss my kid's first Christmas. Travelling with a baby isn't super hard. I'd go with the whole family and have a great time.

This is my hope. To the posters who say traveling with a baby is so bad.. what do you mean exactly?

We are going to travel with a baby next month and maybe we can see how it goes and rethink our Christmas plans based on that. The only difference would be colder/icier/snowier conditions and maybe worse flights in terms of timing.

That won't be the "only difference". Traveling with a 6 month old vs a 12 month old is NIGHT AND DAY