Why are we dreging up this 3 year old thread?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people aren't that smart. She'll be fine.

Yes hard work ethic and social skills more important

Parents who can afford private school, a nice SLAC that values full pay more than intelligence, and who have connections for those first internships will be enough to give the kid a good shot at success, certainly a better shot than a very smart kid with poor parents will have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - How smart are you and your spouse? I am guessing smarter than average and perhaps you had an easy time in school. In this area there are a lot of smart, high achieving people and it sometimes seems as if all the kids are super smart.

I have worked in IT consulting and dealt with clients who are the “back office” of many companies - HR, Accounting, Facilities, etc. I have seen many industries and been at companies outside of DC in several regions. I can tell you first hand that there are plenty of average people with average or less than average processing speed working productively in mediocre office jobs making $50-90k.

Is your daughter going to be a Big Law partner or a lobbyist or sales person making $$$$$, probably not. Will she be able to find a job where people like her and she has a career and contributes to her family and society - definitely. Most kids don’t go to Tier 1 or Ivy schools. Most adults don’t make over $100k / yr. Also most adults are doing ok and have meaningful lives.

Sales? It’s all about being personable, charming, outgoing, and charismatic. Helps a lot if you’re attractive.

I know lots of sales people who make big bucks (including some who make high six figures) who are not intellectual types and probably weren’t the top of their class.

Yes, being verbal and charming can be a big asset in a career.

Most of them have fast processing speed, though. Part of sales is being savvy and being able to react quickly to what people say.

I have a very not smart daughter. I remember there was some sort of standardized test she (and everyone) took in elemetary school and she scored in the third percentile. High school - not one honors class, Algebra II senior year, 980 on the SAT, after expensive classes. And that score was a miracle. BTW the college and university discussion would eat me alive if I admitted this on that forum, tell me she needs to paint nails or something.

She managed to get into Towson through the Community College of Baltimore County (Towson U Freshman Transition Program you can live on campus but you take classes thru CCBC) and it was a godsend. She had to get a 3.0 to fully take classes at Towson in the spring, and guess what? She got exactly a 3.0 and did it.

She is in her last year of Elementary Ed there, and she will be just fine. She loves kids and there was no just other path for her, and she knows that. Business or journalism or science or stem, h*ll no. She has great social skills and talks to people of all ages well.

However, she is very determined and organized. Always completes things, shows up on time and is friendly and engaging. Do we talk about the Ukrainian refugees? no, we talk about the latest episode of the Bachelor. Her determination and attention to detail and following through on things will take her far. Any kid would be lucky to have her as a teacher when she graduates in spring.

I say this as my other daughter is very smart, and was admitted to some solid universities for fall. Good test taker, interested in current events and will actually read a book. However, she is lazy. Like really, really lazy. Doesn't complete or turn in work, room is a mess, and just all over disorganzied and has ADD. She would have poor social skills, but we are on her about this constantly.

My not smart determined daughter will go farther, for sure. So focus on those things. As Woody Allen said, 80% of success is just showing up. And I apoligize for quoting Woody Allen, but it is true.

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP’s DC needs independence before marriage …half marriages end in divorce … I am a SAHM ( reluctantly but in our family situation necessary) but I had two degrees before marriage and one of them vocational so I could always find work. I know I could take care of myself if we ever divorced although that is unlikely after 30 years. People with higher education much more likely to have stable marriages.

If OP’s DD is hard working and has good social skills, she could go far in many careers that are not analytical or academic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Community college is not the best option for someone who needs support and accommodations. It is cheaper but not easier than a 4 year college and the class sizes are big some of the teachers not as good. The better option is a second or third tier private with small classes and lots of supports. Those are basically open admissions and some aren't that much more expensive than in-state colleges. You might look at regional campuses of in-state schools or non-flagship in-state schools, but I worry about class size.

Community college may actually work for your DD, but you will really need to help her that first year as much/more than you do now to keep her on the right track

You brought back a three yr old thread to recommend community college to OP’s daughter?

Anonymous wrote:Most people aren't that smart. She'll be fine.

Yes hard work ethic and social skills more important

Anonymous wrote:Community college is not the best option for someone who needs support and accommodations. It is cheaper but not easier than a 4 year college and the class sizes are big some of the teachers not as good. The better option is a second or third tier private with small classes and lots of supports. Those are basically open admissions and some aren't that much more expensive than in-state colleges. You might look at regional campuses of in-state schools or non-flagship in-state schools, but I worry about class size.

Community college may actually work for your DD, but you will really need to help her that first year as much/more than you do now to keep her on the right track

Anonymous wrote:Stop suggesting LD to the OP. Some people have an average IQ and in fact, THE AVERAGE PERSON HAS AN AVERAGE IQ! So, it is quite common. This is hardly indicative of a LD and it’s also not an affliction. An IQ of 110 is perfectly fine and there is no shame required and nothing to fix.

My child has an above-average IQ and is LD and it’s so annoying when people are like “Maybe she’s GT/LD” to make me feel better about something of which I have no sadness. I literally say “No, she’s bright but she’s not Gifted.” It shuts them up and they think I’m a crappy Mom for understanding that my child isn’t Gifted. Some people are just so stupid even with a high IQ.

The reason I suggested an LD is because a slow processing speed can be considered part of an LD or one in and of itself and can impair people. My kid happens to have that as part of her LD so that’s why I mention it. It’s important to look at all possibilities if it could help your child. Even if the kid doesn’t have an LD, testing could help determine how they learn best and this is helpful for the child as well as the parents.

As a note, I’m not implying the PPs are stupid. I’m referring to people that I spoke to in person. Nerve touched. Apologies to those of you just trying to help!

Stop suggesting LD to the OP. Some people have an average IQ and in fact, THE AVERAGE PERSON HAS AN AVERAGE IQ! So, it is quite common. This is hardly indicative of a LD and it’s also not an affliction. An IQ of 110 is perfectly fine and there is no shame required and nothing to fix.

My child has an above-average IQ and is LD and it’s so annoying when people are like “Maybe she’s GT/LD” to make me feel better about something of which I have no sadness. I literally say “No, she’s bright but she’s not Gifted.” It shuts them up and they think I’m a crappy Mom for understanding that my child isn’t Gifted. Some people are just so stupid even with a high IQ.

It definitely sounds like she might have some kind of learning issue. Our DD has ADHD and what impacts her most is slow processing speed and the difficulty in planning tasks to complete them on time (executive function skills). Have you had her tested? Mine takes medications, some people won't like that I point this out but honestly they do help a lot if it is found that ADHD significantly impairs the child, which it definitely does ours. I do the same, sit down with her very often for hours and help provide structure. That said, as time has gone by, I have relaxed a little letting her fail a bit so that she can slowly build the confidence and skills she needs to make it on her own (she's now 15). But being there over the past umpteen years has definitely helped LOL. And I do believe we are all smart in different ways and sometimes the most unlikely people are very successful even when the majority of people don't think they have good potential. I think if you believe in your child even when no one does, they tend to surprise you. And even if they are not hugely successful in a job, all you really desire as a parent is for them to find something fulfilling whatever that is, whether it is being a home maker or a passion they have. I don't think book smarts measure how successful a person can be. Look at the real standouts in terms of success - so many of them were not very smart, failed out of school, had trouble holding down jobs and yet found a passion that fueled them. And if all else fails, good looks certainly count for a lot as several previous posters said.

Good luck to you, keep being there for her and providing structure, and with luck things will turn out well for her! She has a mom that cares too so that counts big-time!!

Anonymous wrote:What are a few examples of the type of colleges you are describing?

There are smaller, liberal arts and sciences colleges in the region if your DD does not want to/isn’t ready to be far from home:

MD: St Mary’s (in Southern MD)
VA: Mary Washington (Fredericksburg)
PA: Shippensburg (30 mins north of Hagerstown), Millersville (near Lancaster)

Starbucks barista’s get healthcare coverage.

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of jobs out there for people who aren't that smart. In fact, to look around my office there are a ton of idiots out there making decent money.

#preach