Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Eh, they might. Bullying is a topic that is getting a lot of attention right now, and rightly so. A story like this is a good illustration of how kids can get caught up in doing something that they think is "funny," but is actually quite cruel. This situation can be a learning moment for the young people involved and also other kids to think about when a plan crosses that line.

This story could also be a good one for teachers to use to teach kids about the difference between a "prank" and simply being mean to another student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an unstable PP who is overthinking the matter FAR too much and jumping to outrageous conclusions. OP you seem to have a good handle on the matter. You are wise to not throw petrol on the fire, as they say.

Agree. You sound levelheaded and respectful of your daughter’s feelings and wishes. Some people commenting are truly unhinged and well on their way to ruining their relationships with their own kids.

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Anonymous wrote:There is an unstable PP who is overthinking the matter FAR too much and jumping to outrageous conclusions. OP you seem to have a good handle on the matter. You are wise to not throw petrol on the fire, as they say.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've had a chance to read the entire thread. It has been so helpful, thank you all. A couple of things:

First, thank you to everyone who suggested that the Honor Code might have been violated. I would never have thought of that. I've read and re-read the code and do think it applies here. Now it is just a matter of whether I broach the school about it (still do not have permission to do so from DD).

Second, thank you all for the suggestions about contacting the unwitting sports star. I would never have thought of that either. I've looked up their Instagram feed to see whether there was a post along the lines of "Had a wonderful time meeting JV Team" but haven't seen anything yet. I think it would be appropriate then to say something like, "Hey, just so you know, you didn't actually meet with JV Team but, rather, JV Team minus one member who was pranked out of getting to meet you. Can you please change your post to reflect that you "Just met with A GROUP OF GIRLS who play X Sport because leaving post the way it is is hurtful to my DD."

Finally, many of you have wondered why my DD was targeted to begin with and not another girl on the team. I've been wondering the same thing everyday for the last week. DD was the girl that all the girls turned to for advice or help with homework. DD always had an extra item if someone forgot theirs and would willingly give it up. DD always smoothed over awkward situations in the locker room. DD always was the peacemaker. Since this is the first time (that I know of) that the Pranksters have pulled something like this, the best theory I have is that the two Pranksters decided that they wanted to pull a prank and consciously or perhaps unconsciously figured that my DD was the safest target, that she would be the most likely to say "yup, that was funny" and not get angry. Also may have figured that other teammates have parents who are more vocal, more chummy with coach or are downright helicopter-ish and wouldn't stand for it. That's the best I've got. We were really blindsided, as I've said before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've had a chance to read the entire thread. It has been so helpful, thank you all. A couple of things:

First, thank you to everyone who suggested that the Honor Code might have been violated. I would never have thought of that. I've read and re-read the code and do think it applies here. Now it is just a matter of whether I broach the school about it (still do not have permission to do so from DD).

Second, thank you all for the suggestions about contacting the unwitting sports star. I would never have thought of that either. I've looked up their Instagram feed to see whether there was a post along the lines of "Had a wonderful time meeting JV Team" but haven't seen anything yet. I think it would be appropriate then to say something like, "Hey, just so you know, you didn't actually meet with JV Team but, rather, JV Team minus one member who was pranked out of getting to meet you. Can you please change your post to reflect that you "Just met with A GROUP OF GIRLS who play X Sport because leaving post the way it is is hurtful to my DD."

Finally, many of you have wondered why my DD was targeted to begin with and not another girl on the team. I've been wondering the same thing everyday for the last week. DD was the girl that all the girls turned to for advice or help with homework. DD always had an extra item if someone forgot theirs and would willingly give it up. DD always smoothed over awkward situations in the locker room. DD always was the peacemaker. Since this is the first time (that I know of) that the Pranksters have pulled something like this, the best theory I have is that the two Pranksters decided that they wanted to pull a prank and consciously or perhaps unconsciously figured that my DD was the safest target, that she would be the most likely to say "yup, that was funny" and not get angry. Also may have figured that other teammates have parents who are more vocal, more chummy with coach or are downright helicopter-ish and wouldn't stand for it. That's the best I've got. We were really blindsided, as I've said before.

Um no that’s not the reason. Teen girls’ brains don’t work this way. The queen bee girl wanted revenge on her for some reason. Probably a boy involved.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've had a chance to read the entire thread. It has been so helpful, thank you all. A couple of things:

First, thank you to everyone who suggested that the Honor Code might have been violated. I would never have thought of that. I've read and re-read the code and do think it applies here. Now it is just a matter of whether I broach the school about it (still do not have permission to do so from DD).

Second, thank you all for the suggestions about contacting the unwitting sports star. I would never have thought of that either. I've looked up their Instagram feed to see whether there was a post along the lines of "Had a wonderful time meeting JV Team" but haven't seen anything yet. I think it would be appropriate then to say something like, "Hey, just so you know, you didn't actually meet with JV Team but, rather, JV Team minus one member who was pranked out of getting to meet you. Can you please change your post to reflect that you "Just met with A GROUP OF GIRLS who play X Sport because leaving post the way it is is hurtful to my DD."

Finally, many of you have wondered why my DD was targeted to begin with and not another girl on the team. I've been wondering the same thing everyday for the last week. DD was the girl that all the girls turned to for advice or help with homework. DD always had an extra item if someone forgot theirs and would willingly give it up. DD always smoothed over awkward situations in the locker room. DD always was the peacemaker. Since this is the first time (that I know of) that the Pranksters have pulled something like this, the best theory I have is that the two Pranksters decided that they wanted to pull a prank and consciously or perhaps unconsciously figured that my DD was the safest target, that she would be the most likely to say "yup, that was funny" and not get angry. Also may have figured that other teammates have parents who are more vocal, more chummy with coach or are downright helicopter-ish and wouldn't stand for it. That's the best I've got. We were really blindsided, as I've said before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have much younger kids so am not in a position to advice you as such. However, I am wondering why you aren't able to advice or enlighten your daughter about going to coach and taking a harder stance on this.

Not the OP, but here's my 2 cents on this.

As your kids age, they get more and more autonomy and you understand less and less of the social dynamic of their day-to-day. You can advise, but almost always, it really is best to follow the kid's lead. Sometimes telling the grownups is absolutely the worst thing to do. The kid is the one who has to be there every day, not the mom. None of us were there, and it may not be the case that telling the coach would work out well. Some coaches are great. Some care more about winning than about the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach needs to know two girls are rotting her team from the inside.

I would find out where bully girls want to go college and back channel the info to the institution.

You need to get a grip.

+1

No kidding. Therapy, ASAP, first PP - I can only imagine how you are ruining your children, much much more than any bullying could possibly do.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've had a heart-to-heart with my DD. Here's what we've decided (at least so far):

1. She has decided to stay on the team.

2. I've agreed not to take any affirmative steps to tell school or coach.

3. She understands that if someone asks me, in the normal course of conversation, where we were that I will not lie, that I will say matter-of-factly what happened.

4. She will try to maintain a new vigilance about who to trust and will stick up for anyone else in the locker room who may be targeted in the future.

5. I have offered (and she is thinking over) to get her some extra coaching to help move to Varsity so she will have a little respite from these girls (not in the locker room but at least at outside events).

I'll check back on Monday to let anyone interested know what happened when I ran into parents this weekend (if I do and I think I will).

-OP

I like you and your daughter, OP. I wish her luck working this through and I hope she finds some good friends outside of this activity. At least the season is short and next year the mix will be different.