Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 15:07     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
I can't help but interpret a lot of these responses as people who are opinionated enough to make a stand on this but too insecure to do it without feeling the need to denigrate others choices in the meantime.

I spend no time concerning myself with people who didn't change their name, I don't know why they expend energy angsting about why I changed mine.

Let people do what they want to do without calling anyone insecure or not a feminist or too much of a feminist or whatever.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 13:21     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:If you don't change your last name why should he have to change his last name?


FTFY. And he doesn't!
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 13:19     Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Why are you "more" of a feminist for keeping your father's surname rather than taking your husband's? You choose your husband.


Um, because it's MY name? That I've had my whole life? My husband's name is his father's name, too. No one ever suggests that that means it's not really his.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 13:17     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
You know, you don't have to legally change your name.

When I visit the school I am Mrs. Husbandlastname.

My bank and office know me with my maiden name.

It's nobody's business what your drivers license may say. Yes on the official documents you need to put your real legal name but the teachers always call me Mrs Husbandlastname/
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 13:14     Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
The combo name (e.g., Smith + Johnson = Smithson) is my preferred solution, but my husband wasn't into it, and because we are different ethnicities even I had to admit the names didn't blend very well (think Rodriguez and O'Flannery).

I kept my name, he kept his. Kids got mine as a middle, same as many others on here. Has never caused any problems. We do have a blended name that we use informally, and that our friends use when talking about us as a family.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 13:06     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:I (and my DH) hated my DH's last name. It's awful.

I loved my maiden name and had it for 35 years. Did not necessarily want to change it because I was a professional/was known by my last name.

DH told me not to change it.

In the end, though, I did change it because we wanted children and I wanted to have the same last name as my kids (we have 3 now).

I grew up in a household with three names -- my stepdad, my mom's maiden name and my name. Although my stepdad and mom didn't care if my friends called them by my last name it was sort of annoying. I felt bad for them and felt like I needed to correct my friends, etc. We also got 3 of everything-- 3 phone books, 3 sets of junk mail, 3 telemarketer calls, etc.

Overall, it wasn't THAT big of a deal that we all had different names but having that experience already, I am happy now that everyone in my current household shares the same name.

Of course, my DH and I both regret we just didn't pick something totally non-awful when we both had the chance!


I wonder why you didn't change to your name? If you both liked it and hated DH's, it seems like the obvious solution
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 12:58     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:I'm quite obviously of a particular ethnic background (think red headed Irish) and my husband is another ethnicity (though perhaps more ethnically ambiguous to look at). It felt funny to take a last name of another ethnicity. It seems like I would feel like an imposter, which of course is strange.

Honestly, I might have changed my name if I married someone with the same ethnic background -- but I would tell hubby that! So I might change from Connelly to O'Conner but not Connelly to Srinavasan or Chao, for example.


I have a blonde friend who married an Thai man and she changed it. No big deal, people assume she's married. It's not a big deal if you aren't racist.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 10:58     Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Why are you "more" of a feminist for keeping your father's surname rather than taking your husband's? You choose your husband.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 10:54     Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was easy for me. I wanted our family to all share a last name. I have no regrets about changing my name.


+1


+2
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 10:50     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am very glad I didn't change my name and honestly judge my friends who did.


Seriously?


Yes seriously.


What are your assumptions that lead to the judgment? I changed my last name legally, but still largely go by my maiden name.

I didn't change my name because of an archaic or old fashioned views I have about marriage, which is probably your assumption.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 10:14     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
I was married before and I didn't want to change my name. I'm not a feminist or a liberal or anything and all of my family members are very traditional, and the women have all changed their names. Looking back, I honestly think it was my gut telling me that this man wasn't really the one for me. We divorced after 4 years of marriage.

I'm now engaged to someone else, and I actually cannot wait to take his name. I am so proud to be his partner and soon-to-be wife. Maybe some people view it as antiquated, I don't. Maybe some people view it as the man claiming the woman as his property, I don't. But really, I have no issue being seen as "his." I AM his. I'm still an autonomous human being and he lets me be myself and do as I please.

Just the way I see it.
Anonymous
Post 03/31/2017 09:44     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:If you don't change your last name why should he have to wear a ring?


What does one have to do with the other?

If one person doesn't wear a ring then that's an equal comparison.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2017 23:05     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:If you don't change your last name why should he have to wear a ring?


He doesn't have to. It's up to him whether he does.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2017 23:01     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:I am glad every single day that I did not change my name. every day.

I'm in a loving marriage, but that is irrelevant. this is about your name.



+1
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2017 22:55     Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am very glad I didn't change my name and honestly judge my friends who did.


Seriously?


Yes seriously.


Well then you're basically the same as the women who change their name and call the women who don't crazy man hating feminists.