Anonymous wrote:Free lunch vouchers, that I wouldn't use.
Dish detergent thinned down with water as shampoo - certainly no conditioner
no money for personal things like deodorant
no laundry detergent, so hand washing clothing with soap, when we had it, or just water, and hoping the sweat stink wouldn't linger too much when I was about 11
being "the smelly kid"
never being taken to the dentist. not even once - went for the first time at age 24. No cavities! But I need valium to so much as sit in the chair.
government cheese
food stamps
eating spam
not eating
the domestic abuse next door
the domestic abuse when my mom was dating
getting beat up as the only white girl in the projects
thinking my dad (divorced parents) who was working class, tops, was "rich" (and he was, by comparison)
being "hood rich" when the child support check came
knowing my mom spent his child support (which was next to nothing) on cigarettes and of all things, bingo
any birthday money I ever got was "borrowed" (without permission) and not returned
being surrounded by poverty (much worse than we had it)
seeing a lot, a LOT of drug use as a child
child abuse was rampant. I was abused and neglected, my sibs were abused and neglected, and we never knew it, because EVERYONE around us parented that way.
memories of being held with my arm behind my back while my mom wacked indiscriminately at my back and shoulders and head with her other hand, a lit cig hanging from her mouth
memories of watching the same thing happen to my younger brothers
severing ties with my mom when i was 17
renewing them around 25
years of giving my mom money
severing ties again around 32 when i'd had enough
renewing them when I was about 36, with healthier boundaries
insecurity
making up lies about my childhood, "vacations" we took, etc
pretending that i knew how to swim to try out for swim team - and a swim coach who not only let me "make it" but taught me how to swim (in 6th grade)
Being "grounded" and not allowed to go to swim-team practice for sassing my mom
not being allowed to try out the next year because I needed to babysit my brothers
joining the team again in high school
my first time running away when my mom told me no more swim team for some type of punishment
A grandma who always believed in me (bless her)
police station, telling them about the swim team, some cop saying child and family services
screaming, beatings, but no more swim team interference
partial scholarship for swimming
working 60 hours a week, going to college full time
lying about internships I supposedly had (no time!) in order to get my first job
making up lies about my first job to get my second job
turning "making up lies" into "reinventing myself"
hard work
not looking back
struggling with materialism now, wanting to buy ALL THE THINGS now that I can, and forcing myself to balance providing for my children with making them understand the value of a dollar
wanting to help other poor kids, not always doing it

The most damaging thing was the bolded part. You grow up thinking that is normal. I can see how the cycle perpetuates itself. This thread has inspired me to get involved, again, in volunteering with children who are where I once was. It is hard for me, to face the past so directly, but these kids need a leg up.

Anonymous wrote:Grew up poor in SE DC during the height of the crack epidemic. I remember:

-Eating jelly sandwiches to stave off the hunger.
-Not being allowed to go outside because we lived two doors down from a crack house.
-Seeing the grass and yard littered with drug needles.
-Seeing fights break out. Saw one guy get shot in front of me.
-Being so happy about our toys from Toys for Tots on Christmas.
-Roaches everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. For many years, I wouldn't eat macaroni n'cheese because when I was young, I remember going for seconds and discovering a roach in the food.
-Rats, everywhere. Would catch so many in a given day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:* all of 4th and 5th grade we didnt have power.
* qualified for free lunch and like you OP would never get te lunch because then people would know.
*all thru HS we lived,literally, in a shack with roaches, rats and no AC or heat
* I never went to a single event in HS, including prom because there wasnt money to, and I was ashamed of my clothes
* I spent so many nights going to bed hungry that I push food on my DC. I'm so paranoid he might be hungry that now he's about 10lbs overweight
* as an adult I'm a terrible hoarder of things I never had as a kid- toothpaste, deodorant, soap/shampoo and feminine products being my biggest hoards

Where did you live? What are your circumstances like now? What about your siblings? Parents?

I grew up in Texas and Florida. Texas we were poor, in Florida we were dirt poor. My father just one day decided he didn't want to work anymore and so he didnt. I got a job at 15, but it went to help pay the bills.
It's been 25 yrs since I've spoken or seen my father and close to 10 for my mother. I am by no means wealthy, but I do very well and my DC has never known what hungry or cold or scared feels like. He is heavily spoiled. I keep telling myself I need to scale back on material things for him, and then the little girl me rears her head and I can't help it and buy whatever his heart desires

Your son is no better off than that little girl. You are doing him a terrible disservice. I assume you appreciate what you have now, no? I doubt that a child growing up being given everything "his heart desires" will ever truly appreciate anything. Why not try to correct that before it's too late?

Because when your entire childhood is colored with memories of crying yourself to sleep from hunger, or only being allowed one shower a week because water was too expensive, when you are wearing clothes you found in the dumpster and swatting at rats as big as a cat in the kitchen with a broom, these things become your identity. The threads of poverty run deep in the tapestry of my life. My little boy has more food available to him than I had in a months time as a kid, he has heat and air conditioning, toys,electronics and experiences I never dreamed of. He is living the childhood I always wanted. I am a GOOD mom. Even if I have spoiled my son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

There is snow and ice on the ground many more than 2 or 3 days in dc. and I walked home from school ten blocks. The only shoes I had were sneakers with cotton socks. That is not adequate in cold weather for recess or walking home ten blocks on snow and ice.

Anonymous wrote:I think food stamps (or snap) is now provided with a debit card, so hopefully this diminishes some of the shame for people (kids and adults).

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

Anonymous wrote:When you are poor:

You wear shoes that don't fit. They are always too big because it was all that was at the salvation army on the day your mom went. Then you trip and stumble during gym class because your shoes don't fit. Then the other kids think you are clumsy and you start to think so too.

You don't have a snack with you for morning snack at school. So you tell the teacher that you don't bring a snack because you always have a large breakfast at home. This is a lie, because there is NO breakfast at home. So your first meal is the school lunch.

The school nurse sends home alot of notes to your parents saying that she has tested your eyes and you can't see. The notes get thrown out . You learn to go up to the chalkboard during recess to see what is written there because you can never see the board.

If anyone wants to help the poor kids in your local public school:

Buy snow pants and boots and mittens and give them to the elementary teachers to give out.
Arrange for an optometrist to donate eyeglasses to kids who have been identified at school as needing glasses.
Buy gym shoes in several sizes that are typical for kids in a classroom and give them to the teacher to go to kids for PE class. Not loaned to the kids, but given.
Buy gift cards for a place like Cost Cutters Hair so kids can get a haircut professionally. The haircut done by mom in the kitchen is terrible.

Anonymous wrote:I am a foreigner and it is so heartbreaking to read all of this. In my home country the US is perceived as a very affluent nation, with well established social services, I never thought it was that bad...

Anonymous wrote:Being poor boils down to one long saga stretched over the course of my life: Tampons

1.) running out of tampons on the 19th of the month, 11 days till the first.
2.) being sooooo stressed i was going to bleed all over my clothes so i went to the nurse and asked for some tampons
3.) my mom finding out the nurse had tampons and refused to buy me some from that point on
4.) over hearing the nurse complain to another teacher in the hallway that i am taking too many tampons from the school and i should be ashamed
5.) feeling very ashamed so i started stealing tampons from the drugstore from that point on
6.) becoming a 6th grade teacher and going to cosco and buying huge boxes of tampons and pads, I was so proud to tell my female students i will always have plenty of tampons and pads for everyone
7.) feeling extremely touched and emotional when one of my students trusted me enough to ask if she could take a box home for the summer because they were too expensive to put on the grocery list.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the c/o 2000 DC poster.
When did everyone else start being ashamed of being poor? I realize that up until middle school I just assumed everyone lived like that. Most of the kids in my elementary school had similar situations and stories. I went out of boundary for middle school which is when I started to notice differences. By high school I was in class with kids driving their own cars to school. I think that's when the disparity really hit me. I wouldn't accept rides from people out of fear that they'd ask to come in my house to use the bathroom or something.

One time a guy showed up unexpected because his mom forced him to come to me for tutoring. I couldn't let him in because I was just too ashamed of my house. He kept saying, "I thought we were friends and you won't even let me come in for tutoring. I'm gonna fail." It was raining so we couldn't just sit outside. It was the hardest thing in the world to pretend I didn't care. But I was so afraid of other people in school finding out or him telling his mom and her calling child protective services or something (it happened once before).