Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 12:00     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.


The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.


I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.
Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:50     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.


The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.


I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:40     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.


The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:28     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.


Actually, what I have heard is there is much more intolerance in the AA community wrt dating outside their race than there is in the white community. It seems to be the norm.


Really, then why did most interracial couples find themselves living within the Black communities, and excluded from the white communities.


I don't know. All I know is what I read from a Pew Report on the Rise of Inter racial marriage which stated, "These racial gaps in acceptance have narrowed in the past decade. Compared with responses to the same questions in 2001, whites have grown somewhat more accepting of interracial marriage and blacks somewhat less."
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:26     Subject: Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok so you AA moms would rather have Shaquanda (yeah I said it) from the projects who is AA for your son rather than an educated white woman? Please correct me if I'm wrong.


Bi-racial PP here. I kinda hope you did not mean to say this. You have been jumped on and rightly so. Honestly, your remark about AA women from the projects reflects the negative sterotype. You are bringing SES issues into a racial discussion. You do know that there are Whites living in low income housing also?

See...the issue is that there are currently more AA women in college (and with degrees) than AA men. So, it is likely that the AA women that the college educated AA son will meet would be college educated also - just like he is. What the AA women are saying is that all things being EQUAL - educated White woman vs. educated AA woman - they would prefer that their DS be with the AA one. Having lived with racial issues everyday of my life (from 2 sides), I am not sure why this is a shocker to White people.

It is very naive to think that societal racial and gender discrimination have not impacted the socialization of AA women.


No one "jumped on me" actually and I brought this up as it was an interesting observation to me. And again...the question was not answered by the AA women it was addressed to. They refuse to answer.


PP here you are responding to. Perhaps they are refusing to answer because you are adding a variable to the discussion that does not have anything to do with race. What you are asking is like asking "would you rather have your son with a devil worshipping AA woman than a White woman who is Christian like you are?"

This discussion is about race, not some of the other factors that bear upon mate selection.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:13     Subject: Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
In answer to your question:

My daughter dates outside her race, and both of my grandkids are biracial. I have no issues with it, as long as my daughter is happy and my grandchildren are happy when the dating period begins. As long as they are treated well and with respect.

Anyway, I remember my ex MIL saying why couldnt my daughter find herself a nice white boy like who I married, And I thought to myself, if he was such a nice white boy, why the hell was he an ass in the marriage and is now the EX white boy? SMH
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 11:11     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
While I do not agree with some of the more militant views on here, I will agree that anyone who thinks we are in a color-blind society is probably a White person.

Heck, the most powerful man (in theory) in the country and his beautiful family are frequently insulted along racial lines – often publicly.

Given the racial history in this country and the intolerance that still exists on numerous sides, I think it is legitimate for any parent to be concerned about the consequences to their DC for dating outside their race and /or culture. I am NOT saying that I would disapprove of it per se and I would get to know the mate on a personal level. However, I think that any parent (worth his/her salt) would want DC to be cognizant of the other issues – just like any relationship.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 10:59     Subject: Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok so you AA moms would rather have Shaquanda (yeah I said it) from the projects who is AA for your son rather than an educated white woman? Please correct me if I'm wrong.


Bi-racial PP here. I kinda hope you did not mean to say this. You have been jumped on and rightly so. Honestly, your remark about AA women from the projects reflects the negative sterotype. You are bringing SES issues into a racial discussion. You do know that there are Whites living in low income housing also?

See...the issue is that there are currently more AA women in college (and with degrees) than AA men. So, it is likely that the AA women that the college educated AA son will meet would be college educated also - just like he is. What the AA women are saying is that all things being EQUAL - educated White woman vs. educated AA woman - they would prefer that their DS be with the AA one. Having lived with racial issues everyday of my life (from 2 sides), I am not sure why this is a shocker to White people.

It is very naive to think that societal racial and gender discrimination have not impacted the socialization of AA women.


No one "jumped on me" actually and I brought this up as it was an interesting observation to me. And again...the question was not answered by the AA women it was addressed to. They refuse to answer.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 10:38     Subject: Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:Ok so you AA moms would rather have Shaquanda (yeah I said it) from the projects who is AA for your son rather than an educated white woman? Please correct me if I'm wrong.


Bi-racial PP here. I kinda hope you did not mean to say this. You have been jumped on and rightly so. Honestly, your remark about AA women from the projects reflects the negative sterotype. You are bringing SES issues into a racial discussion. You do know that there are Whites living in low income housing also?

See...the issue is that there are currently more AA women in college (and with degrees) than AA men. So, it is likely that the AA women that the college educated AA son will meet would be college educated also - just like he is. What the AA women are saying is that all things being EQUAL - educated White woman vs. educated AA woman - they would prefer that their DS be with the AA one. Having lived with racial issues everyday of my life (from 2 sides), I am not sure why this is a shocker to White people.

It is very naive to think that societal racial and gender discrimination have not impacted the socialization of AA women.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 10:23     Subject: Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
I don't currently have a daughter but if I did, yes. I have a son and would okay with him dating a girl of a different race. Race makes no difference as long as the kid is a good kid with a decent family.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 10:03     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:racist - a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others


Which proves the point that there is no racism in this thread. I've yet to read about anyone feeling superior or better than another race.


So, separate, but equal?


That doesn't even make sense.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 09:48     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:racist - a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others


Which proves the point that there is no racism in this thread. I've yet to read about anyone feeling superior or better than another race.


So, separate, but equal?
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 09:37     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:No need to worry AA moms. You keep working your sons by encouraging them to only date black women and I will do the same with my daughters and encourage them to only date white men. If we do our "jobs" well the two will never even speak to one another, nevermind date. Does that sound like a plan?


Sounds like a plan!
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 09:37     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
Anonymous wrote:racist - a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others


Which proves the point that there is no racism in this thread. I've yet to read about anyone feeling superior or better than another race.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2013 09:10     Subject: Re:Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?
No need to worry AA moms. You keep working your sons by encouraging them to only date black women and I will do the same with my daughters and encourage them to only date white men. If we do our "jobs" well the two will never even speak to one another, nevermind date. Does that sound like a plan?