Not picking on on my high school teacher's signals.

Gosh, I have so many failures. I know I take the prize for being the biggest failure on DCUM. Lets see:

1) Went to a top college. Dropped out of pre med in college and got a useless BA in history instead, graduated with honors but always floundered when it came to career direction. Spent college partying, dating and having fun. Got good grades but completely directionless whenI graduated.

2) I never really had much of a career. Always had "small" jobs and never managed to have a big one. Never really even had what anyone would call a "career." Right after college got a masters in a field I hated because my parents insisted I get this degree. They paid for school, I managed to do well in school but hated every minute of it. After my grad degree I hated the field so much that I worked in a completely unrelated field in a series of low paying, awful jobs. Never made more than 35K. Worked retail for a year for lack of being able to find a better job.

3) Did a post bacc pre med program at age 30 to try to get into the field I wanted (medicine). Always wanted to be a doctor, it was my lifelong dream. Took the MCAT twice, worked in a hospital, completed my post bacc (all my pre med courses) with a 3.5 GPA, even organic chemistry. Applied to 50 med schools. Accepted to zero. Decided to retake MCAT, no improvement. My self esteem was crushed and never recovered.

4) After that decided to enter a less competitive field that could finally be my "career." Worked part time in this field (couldn't find a full time job in it) for 3 years. Applied to grad school in this field, got in. Very unprestigious field with crappy pay. Did very well in grad school (second masters).

5) Took 9 months to get my first job in new field. Landed what I thought was my dream job. Worked there 2 years and did mediocre in the job due to an awful, micromanaging boss and unpleasant work environment. I liked the work very much though and was good at it for the most part. Got average performance reviews, some were below average. I've never been able to do well in the work setting. Made 40 K. No one liked me at that job. I felt that this career was another mistake. Resigned when I gave birth and became a full-time SAHM.

6) Husband and I moved a bunch in our 20s and 30s and I was never able to make a circle of friends. Had no one to invite to our wedding so we eloped. Had no one to invite to my baby shower so didn't have one. Never had any of the traditional female milestones: no wedding shower, no bachlorette party, no baby shower. Had a few good friends from college but they were scattered all over the country. Spent most of my 20s and 30s very, very lonely as we lived in new places where we knew no one and spouse worked 80 hours per week and no family around. Moved here not knowing anyone and couldn't make friends for the first 5 years.

7) Spouse and I have an awful relationship with his family (dysfunctional) and they live in California, and my family lives in Hawaii so we only see extended family once a year. Feel constantly lonely and alone due to lack of a close by, loving family and few friends. Spend every holiday alone. Feel sad for my daughter that she won't grow up with any family around.

8) Could not lose the baby weight despite only gaining 25 pounds with the pregnancy and am now "plus size" despite dieting. I don't look good and don't feel good. My body aches everywhere and I feel physically crappy most of the time.

9) Have severe anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for but it's not really helping. Marriage is stressed because of my anxiety problem. Been married 14 years.

As you can see, biggest failure on DCUM. When I think about all the time and money I wasted on my schooling with no career to show for it it makes me feel awful. It was helpful to get all that written out and see just how huge of a failure I am. I don't know how to work on this huge list of failures. Therapy for these issues didn't help.

You are not a failure! I see many, many things you should be proud of.

You did well in school despite not enjoying what you were studying.
You have a lot of determination and are hard working.
Despite always wanting a career, you dedicated yourself to your child as a SAHM.
Getting help for anxiety so you can be the best mom you can be.

Now it's time to work on you and making you healthy. Pick one achievable goal. Something small and measurable. Example: join Weight Watchers and just focus on losing 5 pounds. OR get names and numbers for 5 therapists that I could switch to if my current one isn't working out. Just one, small goal that you can accomplish and then you set your next goal.

Write back and tell us your goal so that way you'll be accountable for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to give my virginity to my husband

This just sounds creepy and ultra religious.

PP that is really nasty an uncalled for.

Anonymous wrote:i have always tried to make the best decisions I can with the information I have available to me at the time.

I wish we hadn't bought that house in the midwest in 2007, but we didn't know that one of us would lose a job and we would ended up needing to move out to DC, unable to sell that dang house. But do I regret the decision? No, it really was a reasonable decision based on what we knew then, and to regret things like that would probably leave me paralyzed to make new difficult decisions as I move on in my life.

PP did you ever sell that dang house? we are in a similar situation. just put that dang house on the market! sell baby SELL!! mama needs a new pair of shoes

Anonymous wrote:My absolute biggest regret is my total and absolute failure as a mother to my oldest son. I have failed him by all of my standards. I push him too hard. I'm too demanding. I'm too critical. I have continually failed to meet him where his is academically emotionally, physically--his entire life. I regret that he has me for a mother. He deserves a better, kinder, more forgiving, more accepting mother. I am trying every day to be a better mom to him--but every year, as I look back I feel I have gotten worse and worse. He is only 12. I have tried therapy on and off for years. I will again. I am almost wild with grief that there are only 3 weeks left of summer and then we are back to our eternal battle ground issue: school.

PP, I sometimes feel like this but it comes and goes. DS is 11. He has LDs and ADHD. We find ourselves yelling at him and being way too critical but then we catch ourselves, apologize to him and "TRY" to never do it again.

DS is also funny and witty as hell. energetic and always always ALWAYS smiling.

PP what does your DS struggle with? also he is only 12. You have time to improve your reactions towards him.

Gosh, I have so many failures. I know I take the prize for being the biggest failure on DCUM. Lets see:

1) Went to a top college. Dropped out of pre med in college and got a useless BA in history instead, graduated with honors but always floundered when it came to career direction. Spent college partying, dating and having fun. Got good grades but completely directionless whenI graduated.

2) I never really had much of a career. Always had "small" jobs and never managed to have a big one. Never really even had what anyone would call a "career." Right after college got a masters in a field I hated because my parents insisted I get this degree. They paid for school, I managed to do well in school but hated every minute of it. After my grad degree I hated the field so much that I worked in a completely unrelated field in a series of low paying, awful jobs. Never made more than 35K. Worked retail for a year for lack of being able to find a better job.

3) Did a post bacc pre med program at age 30 to try to get into the field I wanted (medicine). Always wanted to be a doctor, it was my lifelong dream. Took the MCAT twice, worked in a hospital, completed my post bacc (all my pre med courses) with a 3.5 GPA, even organic chemistry. Applied to 50 med schools. Accepted to zero. Decided to retake MCAT, no improvement. My self esteem was crushed and never recovered.

4) After that decided to enter a less competitive field that could finally be my "career." Worked part time in this field (couldn't find a full time job in it) for 3 years. Applied to grad school in this field, got in. Very unprestigious field with crappy pay. Did very well in grad school (second masters).

5) Took 9 months to get my first job in new field. Landed what I thought was my dream job. Worked there 2 years and did mediocre in the job due to an awful, micromanaging boss and unpleasant work environment. I liked the work very much though and was good at it for the most part. Got average performance reviews, some were below average. I've never been able to do well in the work setting. Made 40 K. No one liked me at that job. I felt that this career was another mistake. Resigned when I gave birth and became a full-time SAHM.

6) Husband and I moved a bunch in our 20s and 30s and I was never able to make a circle of friends. Had no one to invite to our wedding so we eloped. Had no one to invite to my baby shower so didn't have one. Never had any of the traditional female milestones: no wedding shower, no bachlorette party, no baby shower. Had a few good friends from college but they were scattered all over the country. Spent most of my 20s and 30s very, very lonely as we lived in new places where we knew no one and spouse worked 80 hours per week and no family around. Moved here not knowing anyone and couldn't make friends for the first 5 years.

7) Spouse and I have an awful relationship with his family (dysfunctional) and they live in California, and my family lives in Hawaii so we only see extended family once a year. Feel constantly lonely and alone due to lack of a close by, loving family and few friends. Spend every holiday alone. Feel sad for my daughter that she won't grow up with any family around.

8) Could not lose the baby weight despite only gaining 25 pounds with the pregnancy and am now "plus size" despite dieting. I don't look good and don't feel good. My body aches everywhere and I feel physically crappy most of the time.

9) Have severe anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for but it's not really helping. Marriage is stressed because of my anxiety problem. Been married 14 years.

As you can see, biggest failure on DCUM. When I think about all the time and money I wasted on my schooling with no career to show for it it makes me feel awful. It was helpful to get all that written out and see just how huge of a failure I am. I don't know how to work on this huge list of failures. Therapy for these issues didn't help.

Wish I had another kid but started too late... At least I have one.

Not quitting work earlier and keeping my infant son in daycare for a year. I should have become a SAHM earlier. It would have been the right decision for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if the people saying "law school" are regretting that they went, or that they didn't go - I wish I'd gone to law school!

Regretting that I went. The job market for lawyers is terrible. (There was a firm in Boston offering less than minimum wage for new graduates this fall.) The working conditions suck. I am seriously burned out.

Has the market gotten that bad? I'm insulated now in the gvt. Is this recent, or just the same since 2009?

Law school. I'd be loaded if I stuck with computers or even my accounting degree. And I'd work less and have no student loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, where to start. I guarantee I am the biggest failure on DCUM. I have so many regrets.

I regret that I was lazy and self-destructive and never worked hard to get good grades. I'm as intelligent and far better-read than the 4.0 GPA holders I know, but because of my laziness and lack of time management skills and motivation and discipline (oh, and zero self-esteem and self-destructive instincts) I:

- graduated high school with a 3.0 and went to a shitty local state school that I still regret attending.
- graduated college with a 3.1 and went to a mid-level law school
- graduated law school with a 2.9 (always one point lower - that amuses me) and somehow got a job.

And now as a lawyer I'm applying myself for the first time and am bitter and shocked to see how good I am at what I do. I could have gone to Ivies if I had worked this hard when I was younger. I REALLY regret it. Like it or not, people in DC judge you by the schools you went to.

I also regret not losing weight while I was still young enough to enjoy being pretty. That goes back to the same laziness I had in all areas of my life.

I regret getting so deep into credit card debt as a student.

I regret that I was nearly evicted from my apartment because I couldn't make rent.

I regret that I almost never had any romantic success with the opposite sex because I had no confidence in myself.

I'm a failure.

You are not a failure because at least you have gone out and tried. Failures are people who never even do that.

Speaking as a fellow failure, it's actually worse that I tried and failed. If I hadn't I could've imagined what might have been. Now I know I'm a failure in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being crazy with a boyfriend after we broke up. I think he was my soulmate and had I not acted crazy and hateful we would have gotten back together.

Do you really think so? Crazy and hateful is part of who you are and maybe he was a different sort of person?

It wasn't psycho crazy. Just completely cutting him out of my life because I was so hurt. Ignoring him anytime he reached out, when going out with mutual friends if they ever brought him up I would walk away or tell them I don't care and don't want to hear about him. I was emotionally stunted not malicious. Was callous because I did not know how to deal. I am now in my 30s and happily married. We don't have the intense connection and passion I had with this boyfriend though. But the boyfriend and I were 21 and who knows if that passion and connection would have lasted. He was amazing and dynamic. He is a social worker now. I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I don't think our lives would have been financially easy and my life is financially easy now. I might have been unhappy in the log run. But it is all what ifs. Ce la vie.

Anonymous wrote:Getting married and having kids. I studied voice in college and wanted to be an opera singer. I was so stupid thinking I could do marriage, motherhood, and musical career. If only I could go back. I have drummed it into the heads of my three children, pursue your dream and do not get married or have children.

I know several former voice majors and none have musical careers. Dont give your poor kids a complex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, where to start. I guarantee I am the biggest failure on DCUM. I have so many regrets.

I regret that I was lazy and self-destructive and never worked hard to get good grades. I'm as intelligent and far better-read than the 4.0 GPA holders I know, but because of my laziness and lack of time management skills and motivation and discipline (oh, and zero self-esteem and self-destructive instincts) I:

- graduated high school with a 3.0 and went to a shitty local state school that I still regret attending.
- graduated college with a 3.1 and went to a mid-level law school
- graduated law school with a 2.9 (always one point lower - that amuses me) and somehow got a job.

And now as a lawyer I'm applying myself for the first time and am bitter and shocked to see how good I am at what I do. I could have gone to Ivies if I had worked this hard when I was younger. I REALLY regret it. Like it or not, people in DC judge you by the schools you went to.

I also regret not losing weight while I was still young enough to enjoy being pretty. That goes back to the same laziness I had in all areas of my life.

I regret getting so deep into credit card debt as a student.

I regret that I was nearly evicted from my apartment because I couldn't make rent.

I regret that I almost never had any romantic success with the opposite sex because I had no confidence in myself.

I'm a failure.

You are not a failure because at least you have gone out and tried. Failures are people who never even do that.

PP, those are pretty good gpa, after few years gpa is like IQ test...no one cares

Anonymous wrote:Being crazy with a boyfriend after we broke up. I think he was my soulmate and had I not acted crazy and hateful we would have gotten back together.

Do you really think so? Crazy and hateful is part of who you are and maybe he was a different sort of person?