Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

b][the seven year old] elected a party theme that was expensive[/b]. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. [the seven year old] ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

Anonymous wrote:Inviting whole class= fine

inviting just boys or just girls= fine

inviting a few kids, but less than half, without explaining it to the ones not invited= fine

inviting the whole class except one or two kids= rude and mean

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow, I haven't read all 12 pages of posts but it's this sort of thing that makes me glad I have boys. One is 7yo and talking about poop and farts is probably an advantage on the boy birthday party circuit.

Anonymous wrote:leave her be. we all parent differently. maybe not you choice, but not your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!

My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.

Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.

+1 You had a valuable teaching moment, and you completely squandered it. Even worse, I think that you don't even realize that you parented poorly.

I'm sorry? How fucking dare you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!

My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

Did your DD attend her party?

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.

Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I know that the dad is sockpuppeting here. Sweetie, you're pathetic.

I have been thinking the same thing. Hope Jeff reports in here.