Anonymous wrote:19:56 - I know many people know their assailant. How did you know yours?

Date rape. I'm sure I wasn't the first nor was I the last and I now wish that I had had the guts to go to the police because I hate to think of the lives he ruined.

19:56 - I know many people know their assailant. How did you know yours?

Anonymous wrote:NP here. A few pages back, there was some discussion about generational norms and silence. If you've had experiences like me and it's discussed, you'll find that the shame and silence is still very much a part of our culture. Friends that are my age (30s) don't want childhood abuse talked about. I cannnot even estimate the number of people who've told me to stop hanging on to my past and just move on with my life. I have moved on, but that doesn't mean the experiences simply vanished. I've even had responses to my story on this website that made me think the same.

I understand you and I agree. I was a victim of a violent sexual assault with a weapon at 18 and it simply never goes away, particularly, when many people, male and female, still think this is a crime of sex. You do move on because in order to live, we must, but that doesn't mean you ever forget or forgive. I knew my assailant and I googled him last year and found that he had died and it was unbelievable but somehow the fear and rage seemed to melt away. I'm sorry this happened to you, PP but remember that you are a person worthy of love, friendship and both inside and outside, you have beauty. It took me many years before I could believe this about myself.

As a child I walked in on my mother and her lover while our dad was out of town. As a college student I walked in on my dad and his lover while our mom was out of town. Both times I told my older sister and she told me to say nothing and do nothing.

NP here. A few pages back, there was some discussion about generational norms and silence. If you've had experiences like me and it's discussed, you'll find that the shame and silence is still very much a part of our culture. Friends that are my age (30s) don't want childhood abuse talked about. I cannnot even estimate the number of people who've told me to stop hanging on to my past and just move on with my life. I have moved on, but that doesn't mean the experiences simply vanished. I've even had responses to my story on this website that made me think the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

I'm glad she believed you and said something but I'm sad that the pre-school worker was allowed to keep her job. If something like that happened with my DD I would make a HUGE stink about it.

Oh she made a big deal about it. My dad is a lawyer, and they contemplated suing and a number of other avenues, but didn't want me to go through more than I had to. They presented the option to me when I was older, because we still could have gone through with a civil suit, but honestly I didn't want to either. However, we have kept track of her over the years, and whenever she tries to work with children again, we contact the employer and let them know about her past. So we at least attempt to limit further damage.

This scares the crap out of me. How in the world did this go on for a whole year without other teachers seeing her??

Hospitals protect incompetent and drug addicted doctors, lawyers protect other lawyers when they know they are dishonest and screw their clients, and schools protect teachers because they don't want the bad publicity and they don't want to be sued. Look at how long the Catholic church protected pedophile priests and made it even worse because the church simply sent the priest to another parish where he engaged in the same behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

I'm glad she believed you and said something but I'm sad that the pre-school worker was allowed to keep her job. If something like that happened with my DD I would make a HUGE stink about it.

Oh she made a big deal about it. My dad is a lawyer, and they contemplated suing and a number of other avenues, but didn't want me to go through more than I had to. They presented the option to me when I was older, because we still could have gone through with a civil suit, but honestly I didn't want to either. However, we have kept track of her over the years, and whenever she tries to work with children again, we contact the employer and let them know about her past. So we at least attempt to limit further damage.

This scares the crap out of me. How in the world did this go on for a whole year without other teachers seeing her??

You know, I'm not exactly sure, since I was 4, I don't remember all the details, but I do remember going into a back office regularly. And it was a major pre-school associated with a local hospital and child-enrichment center, etc. Also, there was another child who said the same thing happened to them when the whole thing came out, and that family did sue, and the child became very ill at the same time and died a few months after the proceedings. The parents said that the doctors thought it may have been stress-related illness, but I don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.

In response to someone saying a man molesting his sister is unforgivable:

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

In response to someone not everyone is able to forgive everything:

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

Responding to the question of if she'd be able to forgive someone who raped him/her:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

Religion was brought up as an explanation of why everyone in the thread- who may not be Christians or religious at all- should forgive their rapist fathers, their pedophile uncles, and their abusive parents. If you read all that and don't understand why it's judgement, refer to 20:37's post that explains how it is hurtful. If you still don't get it, let's just move on.

Ditto

no, Jesus was used as an EXAMPLE, not an EXPLANATION

Ditto. The discussion on forgiveness is useful, even if forgiveness doesn't work for everybody. Just because someone mentioned Jesus, as an EXAMPLE, doesn't mean that somebody needs to slam that poster's beliefs, or for that matter an entire religion, by casting doubt on its validity. That was just cruel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

I'm glad she believed you and said something but I'm sad that the pre-school worker was allowed to keep her job. If something like that happened with my DD I would make a HUGE stink about it.

Oh she made a big deal about it. My dad is a lawyer, and they contemplated suing and a number of other avenues, but didn't want me to go through more than I had to. They presented the option to me when I was older, because we still could have gone through with a civil suit, but honestly I didn't want to either. However, we have kept track of her over the years, and whenever she tries to work with children again, we contact the employer and let them know about her past. So we at least attempt to limit further damage.

This scares the crap out of me. How in the world did this go on for a whole year without other teachers seeing her??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

I'm glad she believed you and said something but I'm sad that the pre-school worker was allowed to keep her job. If something like that happened with my DD I would make a HUGE stink about it.

Oh she made a big deal about it. My dad is a lawyer, and they contemplated suing and a number of other avenues, but didn't want me to go through more than I had to. They presented the option to me when I was older, because we still could have gone through with a civil suit, but honestly I didn't want to either. However, we have kept track of her over the years, and whenever she tries to work with children again, we contact the employer and let them know about her past. So we at least attempt to limit further damage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religious judgement? Where? Please show me.

A poster came on and said she forgave easily. But I didn't see her telling others they had to, too.

In response to someone saying a man molesting his sister is unforgivable:

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

In response to someone not everyone is able to forgive everything:

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

Responding to the question of if she'd be able to forgive someone who raped him/her:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

Religion was brought up as an explanation of why everyone in the thread- who may not be Christians or religious at all- should forgive their rapist fathers, their pedophile uncles, and their abusive parents. If you read all that and don't understand why it's judgement, refer to 20:37's post that explains how it is hurtful. If you still don't get it, let's just move on.

Ditto

no, Jesus was used as an EXAMPLE, not an EXPLANATION

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

I'm glad she believed you and said something but I'm sad that the pre-school worker was allowed to keep her job. If something like that happened with my DD I would make a HUGE stink about it.

This explains a lot about this site and the nastiness. A lot f posters with a lot of trauma. I hope you all find peace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

She reported it. I was too young to testify. The preschool did not even fire her, because if they did, it would be admitting fault, and they didn't want to get sued.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by a female pre-school worker during naptime for an entire school year when I was 4. She threatened to kill my parents if I told. I finally got the guts to tell my mom when we were on a vacation.

So it's not always family members

What did your mom do?

Yes - what happened when you told?