Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's definition of settling, I think it's fine to "settle" as long as the guy treats you well, is a functional adult, and you would like to co-parent with him.

I actually think if you married a man based on fatherhood potential and being a decent human, you will wind up attracted to him even if you are not initially that attracted. As you get older, those qualities are much, much more attractive than physical attributes. Plus most men who are attractive when they are young will start to look less attractive. Respect, kindness, and being a loving, involved father and partner are forever. Also if they are a decent person and good dad, then even if the marriage doesn't work out, you'll be okay co-parenting with them.

I would not advise settling for a man who is unkind, selfish, treats you poorly, etc. Especially not to have kids!

I'm an older woman and the qualities you mention are just the minimum standards. I need to be sexually attracted to a man for things to work. Sure, people become older and not as aestheticly pleasant, but they still can have sex appeal or other non-physical qualities that keep me interested.

To each their own. I'm a woman in my early 50s and the happiest marriages I know are not the ones with the hottest people. Once a couple has kids, physical attraction seems to take a backseat to things like emotional maturity, being reliable, and having good communication. And while you might call these "minimum standards" for men, the vast majority of men don't meet them. Like the VAST majority (a lot of women don't meet these standards either, there are lots of dysfunctional and self-centered people in the world).

Also something I have personally found is that competence, communication, and being a good dad make men hotter. Like you can take a man with middling looks (balding, a little beer paunch) and watch him tenderly get a kid ready for the school day while making jokes and keeping things light, and then bring his sick wife a cup of tea in bed, and you will want to jump him right there. Or at least I would. If he can do that while also exercising regularly and holding down a decent job? I'd take him over Brad Pitt any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's definition of settling, I think it's fine to "settle" as long as the guy treats you well, is a functional adult, and you would like to co-parent with him.

I actually think if you married a man based on fatherhood potential and being a decent human, you will wind up attracted to him even if you are not initially that attracted. As you get older, those qualities are much, much more attractive than physical attributes. Plus most men who are attractive when they are young will start to look less attractive. Respect, kindness, and being a loving, involved father and partner are forever. Also if they are a decent person and good dad, then even if the marriage doesn't work out, you'll be okay co-parenting with them.

I would not advise settling for a man who is unkind, selfish, treats you poorly, etc. Especially not to have kids!

I'm an older woman and the qualities you mention are just the minimum standards. I need to be sexually attracted to a man for things to work. Sure, people become older and not as aestheticly pleasant, but they still can have sex appeal or other non-physical qualities that keep me interested.

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's definition of settling, I think it's fine to "settle" as long as the guy treats you well, is a functional adult, and you would like to co-parent with him.

I actually think if you married a man based on fatherhood potential and being a decent human, you will wind up attracted to him even if you are not initially that attracted. As you get older, those qualities are much, much more attractive than physical attributes. Plus most men who are attractive when they are young will start to look less attractive. Respect, kindness, and being a loving, involved father and partner are forever. Also if they are a decent person and good dad, then even if the marriage doesn't work out, you'll be okay co-parenting with them.

I would not advise settling for a man who is unkind, selfish, treats you poorly, etc. Especially not to have kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the people saying that she should settle, would you give the same advice to a man?

Women always settle.
Men invariably get more than they deserve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the people saying that she should settle, would you give the same advice to a man?

I didn't give the "settle" advice, but yes, at a certain point men also may have to settle if they want to get married and have kids, or just stay single. Most people over estimate their attractiveness.