Profile of the (Me in 00s dubya era):
-Early 20s
-Look a lot like sibling; many men "What are you!!!!"-ing me, many women barbie-dolling me; kids imagining looking like me. 32D-24-34 petite and proportional and toned and trendy
-groomed for public/workplace; no makeup
-Talk to strangers/often selected for public speaking
-number of close friends, long time friends, coworkers and classmates; led largest club (1300+ members)
-for lower intellect/defensive/sensitive--tongue holding; for higher intellect/motivated to improve--privately, tactfully give feedback to optimize public reaction; told even polite to myself
-never dated online; get approached often in real life; only interested in serious; virgin until married
-kind to in-laws; often including elderly/handicapped/new to the area/uncool
-LOVE cooking and often praised/requested to cook in friends' group "super-tongue"
-LOVE chores including carpentry, car work, electrical, plumbing, handiwork, planning. Severe allergy and injury, so need help around bleach, water, and pickup (dishes, secondary toilet, tidying)
-love hosting not at home; rare home guests
-like non-shallow men who notice my behavior, treatment of others, personality, etc.
-love to drive and have +5 DMV record
-Wants kids/marriage; father was most like "ivy-league stay-at-home dads"; okay with househusband
-hobbies: volunteering with kids--art, cheerleading, tech workshops makeover parties; helping elderly; travel a lot first-class for work/TDY/roommates taking me abroad already
-job offer paying 6-digits at 23; will stay with man if he loses job and budget until we're back on our feet again. Will give up self-paid "high-maintenance" and take second job to keep family together/afloat.

Type of Man I Wanted:
-don't care about his job as long as he is honest and his work is ethically performed
-don't care about family wealth as long as MIL isn't abusive/FIL isn't pervert/etc.; NON-NEGOTIABLE--younger sibs/roommates/etc must not have vices/medicinal sex/substances to cope with growing up with living with him. "What does that have to do with me?" or "Beating up/slandering siblings is normal" DOES NOT FLY.
-20% of my industry doesn't have a hs degree including one perfect PSAT classmate/hs dropout who is now a director a google. Elite French and Indian institutes are unheard of but MIT-level. Don't care about education as long as "Mr. Jefferson's University" doesn't make him better than people. Would even date a Harvard, as long as he doesn't open with "I'm a Harvard".
-Don't care if put-together--life is hard sometimes and we all have pain/hardship. Doesn't need to take the lead.
-don't care if he has friends, but no try-hard to make friends/rude to me to be likeable/lying to be popular
-don't care about charisma
-I am really good at nutrition/fitness/fashion--don't care about attractiveness or height. Don't need great "congeniality" per se, but great "attachment", paternal instincts are a must if that counts.
-You don't chose your family, but must treat younger siblings right--especially 18+.
-don't care about work hours, but percentage. 40 hour worker with 80% family time off work over 20 hour worker with 41% family time off work. Don't need high "status" profession.
-Wants kids; must be REAL about male infertility; NON_NEGIOTIABLE. Must accept semen analysis after 35.
-I have excellent credit and can handle finances/mortgages/taxes/shopping etc. Am great listener to help my man with his needs and lots of pampering.

Questions:
What are her realistic chances of attracting a man like this? Attracting--100%. Finding--0.1%. Instead I get tons of bigots and unpaid prositutes screaming at me for a racist porn search or retaliating because they are owed a jizz-dumpster.
How much do her introverted, very quiet personality and lack of hobbies affect her desirability? Personality is only thing that helped my desirability.
Does her lack of driving or career ambition matter at this level? Offered one guy a ride and someone hit my car costing me $1K+ and he called me a bad driver. Rammer tried to get a date with me in front of him seconds after the crash.

How does her selective domestic commitment (hates chores/cooking but perfect for husband, always well-groomed, hosting, caring) play in long-term marriage? Chores can be delegated/hired out, love cannot. I do not think men are "heros" creating jobs when they hire trashmen/carpenters/plumbers etc, but women are "lazy" for doing the same thing for cleaning/cooking/etc. I am willing to be a primary caregiver who happens to be female. I REFUSE to be some horrible mother, belittling non-stay-at-home moms because she is jealous she got fired from every job she ever had, and her at-best mediocre cookies give her the right to be a misogynist. WOULD NOT DATE a guy who looks up to bullies/liars/ungratefuls to the female lawyers/activists/employees who fought for their domestic violence protections.

Any other traits or behaviors she should adopt to increase her chances? I think my chances would be much better outside of the DMV, where the men are awesome, but they are soooooo many racists that think being anti-Trump exempts them from bigotry toward cisgender American women.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law except for the fact she has to work to pay bills. She’s beautiful, kind, but tidy and religious (Christian). She’s held odd jobs that help support her (her mother provides the rest) - but she’s chronically single and now unable to have kids - she’s mid-40s now. Her introversion, social anxiety, and high standards for potential partners has really hindered her prospects (she’s also still a virgin since she’s unmarried). I hope she will meet someone who can take care of her but realistically it will be an older man with children from a previous marriage.

Your SIL honestly sounds like a better catch than OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She also sounds boring. I could definitely see rich man marrying a lazy, unambitious but attractive woman who is vivacious, funny, outgoing, etc. This woman is introverted, quiet to the point of not wanting to talk to in laws unless she likes them (kind of rude) and has no hobbies.

I think this poster is a woman projecting her wants in a man onto what she thinks a man wants from a woman.

Men just want a nice, thin gal who makes their life easier and will give them babies without too much craziness.

I always thought this thread was posted by a mom, trying to figure out how she’s going to marry off her HFA daughter to a well off man.

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Anonymous wrote:She also sounds boring. I could definitely see rich man marrying a lazy, unambitious but attractive woman who is vivacious, funny, outgoing, etc. This woman is introverted, quiet to the point of not wanting to talk to in laws unless she likes them (kind of rude) and has no hobbies.

I think this poster is a woman projecting her wants in a man onto what she thinks a man wants from a woman.

Men just want a nice, thin gal who makes their life easier and will give them babies without too much craziness.

Agreed. There is always a market for a human houseplant. Problem is, a lot of the men who want a human houseplant can't afford the upkeep.

As a single woman with a decent income and an aggressive investing profile I decided sometime ago that although I occasionally desired companionship, a lot of the men I dated were angry they were forced economically into a position where they couldn't afford to compete for a human houseplant. Instead they needed to tolerate a woman like me, obnoxious, opinionated, politically active, in exchange for potential access to my money. Sad.

I love that OP’s cousin is looking for a doctor like a cardiologist with medium, flexible work hours…

Anonymous wrote:She also sounds boring. I could definitely see rich man marrying a lazy, unambitious but attractive woman who is vivacious, funny, outgoing, etc. This woman is introverted, quiet to the point of not wanting to talk to in laws unless she likes them (kind of rude) and has no hobbies.

I think this poster is a woman projecting her wants in a man onto what she thinks a man wants from a woman.

Men just want a nice, thin gal who makes their life easier and will give them babies without too much craziness.

She also sounds boring. I could definitely see rich man marrying a lazy, unambitious but attractive woman who is vivacious, funny, outgoing, etc. This woman is introverted, quiet to the point of not wanting to talk to in laws unless she likes them (kind of rude) and has no hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:I'd aim for cities with lots of men in tech or finance. Doctors also are a possibility, but tech and finance guys are more likely to look past her lack of ambition.

Online dating helps eliminate the hurdles that introverted people face. It also favors pretty women.

NYC, Miami, San Francisco, Chicago, Seattle all have some successful guys who would date someone like her. DC and Boston tend to be more focused on achievement and brains. (I knew a rich couple in DC that basically had to move to another city because the wife was beautiful but dumb and nobody would talk to them at school events, etc., which made her miserable.)

My suggestions are not original ideas. Lots of pretty women compete for these guys. Many find one.

But there's one more problem. Mid-life divorce. The middle aged men still get attention from attractive women. The middle aged women struggle more.

To be fair a truly passive wife wouldn't care if no one talks to her because she's dumb.

Op should decide what she of "cousin" really want. And what she's willing to live with in exchange.

What's the dollar amount per year? Is she content living month to month at her preferred spend status or does she want retirement and an inheritance for future kids covered? What is she willing to overlook in exchange for stay at home wife status? Is she ok with her husband not loving or respecting her? Is she ok with infidelity? Is she ok with domestic violence?

An attorney friend in private practice says he's been surprised by the number of grey divorces he gets from the country club after the husband retires and ramps up his violent episodes from once every 3 months to once a week. Apparently a lot of the country club wives were willing to take a beating once every couple of months but aren't willing to get knocked around once a week as they age .

Shocking to me.

But, people will do all sorts of weird things for money.

Heck I'm a woman and I once dated a guy who told me he didn't find me physically attractive but did find me financially attractive and thus marriage. So there was some guy willing to pursue marriage with a woman he disliked just for money. So.... What will women do for money?

I'd aim for cities with lots of men in tech or finance. Doctors also are a possibility, but tech and finance guys are more likely to look past her lack of ambition.

Online dating helps eliminate the hurdles that introverted people face. It also favors pretty women.

NYC, Miami, San Francisco, Chicago, Seattle all have some successful guys who would date someone like her. DC and Boston tend to be more focused on achievement and brains. (I knew a rich couple in DC that basically had to move to another city because the wife was beautiful but dumb and nobody would talk to them at school events, etc., which made her miserable.)

My suggestions are not original ideas. Lots of pretty women compete for these guys. Many find one.

But there's one more problem. Mid-life divorce. The middle aged men still get attention from attractive women. The middle aged women struggle more.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

Sure, a doctor may go for a nurse or a lawyer a paralegal but here we are talking about a helpless college student who wants no career and can’t drive a car. What successful man is looking for that?

Exactly. Those are women who have shown their energy, initiative, and intelligence. No they're not splitting atoms, but you don't get through nursing school or being a good paralegal without some smarts. Totally different from someone with zero initiative and zero accomplishments.

OP’s cousin is smart. She is a 4.0 student. She’s intelligent. She’s just not interested in a career.

She is not interested in driving a car or having other basic life skills you would expect of a teenager, what man wants someone this helpless?

Tons do. A lot of women here seem to be hating on this girl. Shes smart, pretty, and young. She’ll be able to find someone.

Just make sure she doesn't sign a prenup. Otherwise when she's fifty she might need to figure out how to take a bus to her first job. Unless she has a massive trust fund? Op didn't mention if prospective wife had a dowery. Does she?

Doesn’t feminism mean allowing women to choose what they want to do with their life? She can choose not to work or drive a car. Everyone doesn’t have to live, the same way that you do. Her life, her choices to make.

Feminism is about personal responsibility, not self actualization. People make that mistake all the time. Doesn't matter if it is a non driving high quality passive woman or a yoga obsessed house husband. Personal choice means thinking it through. Does yoga househusband or non driving passive bride have a long term plan if the choice of the moment doesn't work out?

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Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

Sure, a doctor may go for a nurse or a lawyer a paralegal but here we are talking about a helpless college student who wants no career and can’t drive a car. What successful man is looking for that?

Exactly. Those are women who have shown their energy, initiative, and intelligence. No they're not splitting atoms, but you don't get through nursing school or being a good paralegal without some smarts. Totally different from someone with zero initiative and zero accomplishments.

OP’s cousin is smart. She is a 4.0 student. She’s intelligent. She’s just not interested in a career.

She is not interested in driving a car or having other basic life skills you would expect of a teenager, what man wants someone this helpless?

Tons do. A lot of women here seem to be hating on this girl. Shes smart, pretty, and young. She’ll be able to find someone.

Just make sure she doesn't sign a prenup. Otherwise when she's fifty she might need to figure out how to take a bus to her first job. Unless she has a massive trust fund? Op didn't mention if prospective wife had a dowery. Does she?

Doesn’t feminism mean allowing women to choose what they want to do with their life? She can choose not to work or drive a car. Everyone doesn’t have to live, the same way that you do. Her life, her choices to make.

Feminism totes. But, if she is choosing to have no life skills and be dependent on a man, as a taxpayer I don't want to be responsible for paying her bills in a few decades when she is pushed to the curb and she's suddenly a trembling senior citizen who successfully avoided developing life skills or an income of her own.

So call this my feminist cry.... I don't want to pay some passive divorced woman bills when she can't find a man to do it.

So, do female taxpayers have a choice? Or just the live in the moment brides?

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Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

If she’s a really good student, and she wants to meet a doctor to marry, she should go to medical school. That’s where they are.

I’m a psychiatrist. I spent most of residency talking deeply and pontificating. It was great. And now I have a job that I like that’s very easy to do part time.

+1
The best place to meet those types is where you become one yourself. I’m a doctor and met my doctor husband during grad school.

BTW women prefer their equals. More and more men these days do too. It’s the insecure men who will marry down - and upgrade later.

While some doctors and lawyers seek to marry others doctors and lawyers, many do not prefer partners who are their equals. This is because these women typically aren’t willing to abandon their careers to become SAHM. Instead, these high-profile doctors and lawyers are often more attracted to beautiful nurses and legal assistants. The same goes for numerous successful businessmen.

I understand that your feminist side may not agree, but this is the reality.

Sure, a doctor may go for a nurse or a lawyer a paralegal but here we are talking about a helpless college student who wants no career and can’t drive a car. What successful man is looking for that?

Exactly. Those are women who have shown their energy, initiative, and intelligence. No they're not splitting atoms, but you don't get through nursing school or being a good paralegal without some smarts. Totally different from someone with zero initiative and zero accomplishments.

OP’s cousin is smart. She is a 4.0 student. She’s intelligent. She’s just not interested in a career.

She is not interested in driving a car or having other basic life skills you would expect of a teenager, what man wants someone this helpless?

Tons do. A lot of women here seem to be hating on this girl. Shes smart, pretty, and young. She’ll be able to find someone.

Just make sure she doesn't sign a prenup. Otherwise when she's fifty she might need to figure out how to take a bus to her first job. Unless she has a massive trust fund? Op didn't mention if prospective wife had a dowery. Does she?

Doesn’t feminism mean allowing women to choose what they want to do with their life? She can choose not to work or drive a car. Everyone doesn’t have to live, the same way that you do. Her life, her choices to make.