Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

My older three are boys who don’t really help out. Eight kids ranging in age and independence is obviously easier than 2 toddlers and a newborn. Only my younger two are home all day, so its very easy and calm.

Because you let them not help out. If your three oldest were girls, they’d be parentified. You’re raising the worst kind of future men. Your sons will be unmarriageable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

My older three are boys who don’t really help out. Eight kids ranging in age and independence is obviously easier than 2 toddlers and a newborn. Only my younger two are home all day, so its very easy and calm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

We’re religious.

You can still practice religion with fewer kids.

Yes, but we can afford having a lot of kids so why not.

Both of my parents are among the youngest kids in huge Catholic families (7+ kids). They both experienced a ton of parental neglect that came home to roost when they became parents. Older siblings are not good substitutes for actual parents, as they are children themselves. They often reinforce childish beliefs and fears, can be emotionally abusive because they aren't mature enough to be parenting, etc. My parents would have been much better off with real love and guidance from their actual parents, but they barely knew them. Yes they have some find memories of very full houses, big and boisterous family dinners, and have some great and close relationships with siblings. But the were not sufficiently *parented*. Kids from smaller families, IMO, tend to be more emotionally mature and developed, have a better sense of themselves and their role, have deeper and more reliable self confidence. Kids from very large families seem needy, because they are needy --they needed things growing up that they simply never got.

I also come from a big family (13 children) and didn’t experience any neglect. Our kids do get 1-1 time and our older kids don’t help parent at all.

Extra large families are super fascinating to me.. what was that like growing up? What’s the dynamic like now that you’re all adults?

Parents have 9 daughters and 4 sons. We were well off and lived in a house that ran on structure: set routines, and a lot of systems just to keep things functioning. We all went to private school, college was paid for, and had set extracurriculars. No one was left behind and we were all able to do what we were passionate about. We did have household help. Routines were apart of everything — school, activities, etc. We always knew what to expect, and it wasn’t the chaos that usually comes with so many kids. What really stands out looking back are Sundays and holidays. Those are our favorite memories. Sundays included — everyone home, long dinners, it was always the same, and this is something we do with our kids now.

We always had set family time (our parents wanted us have close bonds) and that’s a big reason why we’re still super close as busy adults. Holidays were always special. That carried into adulthood, we’re all close as siblings thanks to our parents, our kids love their cousins and every year all of us — siblings, spouses, and kids still make sure to go on vacation together. My parents now have 47 grandchildren whom they adore and sometimes say they love more than us..I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

You can never give a child too much attention.

I don't know, I think I have to disagree. This is anecdotal but I know an only child who given alllll the attention and now (we're in our mid forties) she is one of the most selfish, self-centered people I know. Her mom moved her entire life to be near her - now lives 2 blocks away - and waits on the daughter hand and foot. The daughter married a guy who does whatever she says and even her kids know she's #1. It's very hard for her to make friends, but I don't think she cares - she genuinely feels that she's better than everyone else because she was always the center of attention.

So yeah, I think you can give a child too much attention...

DP but attention is the wrong metric. I would rephrase it to: you cannot give a child too much nurturing. I would actually argue the person you are talking about was neglected, because her parents failed to nurture a sense of empathy or self-awareness about her place in the world. They may have given her a lot of attention but it doesn't sound like that attention took the form of recognizing that she was developing selfish and self-centered habits and taking steps to address it since that's no way to live. They actually failed to give her the kind of nurturing attention she needed.

But there is really no limit on the amount of nurturing you can give a kid, assuming you are giving them good, solid parenting that actually meets all their needs (and not just doting on them and buying them things and failing to really parent them at all).

Anonymous wrote:I’m so jealous of people with easy kids. You have no idea how good you have it and are often so smug about your parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

You can never give a child too much attention.

I don't know, I think I have to disagree. This is anecdotal but I know an only child who given alllll the attention and now (we're in our mid forties) she is one of the most selfish, self-centered people I know. Her mom moved her entire life to be near her - now lives 2 blocks away - and waits on the daughter hand and foot. The daughter married a guy who does whatever she says and even her kids know she's #1. It's very hard for her to make friends, but I don't think she cares - she genuinely feels that she's better than everyone else because she was always the center of attention.

So yeah, I think you can give a child too much attention...

Anonymous wrote:Different kids have different temperaments and it sounds like you have kids on the easier side. You must know the not all kids are built the same!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

You can never give a child too much attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

I'm the eldest of 5 and I can confirm your suspicions....ask me why I only have 1 kid....because I already helped raise 4 siblings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different kids have different temperaments and it sounds like you have kids on the easier side. You must know the not all kids are built the same!

And every parent is different. I was surprised by how over stimulated I was after 2 kids. I don't think I had ever recognized being over stimulated in my life before that point. But the daily grind of it was enough to make me see the edges of my sanity. I could either be a good mother to my 2, or be only an okay mother to 3. So we stopped at 2.

Anonymous wrote:Different kids have different temperaments and it sounds like you have kids on the easier side. You must know the not all kids are built the same!