Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone in a similar situation tried backing off for awhile to give spouse time to miss their interest? If so, was this approach successful?

You could just try doing what your wife is asking. If she wants more help around the house, try it. If your spouse doesn't desire you, backing off will be a sigh of relief for them.

No, backing off will be confirmation that you are avoidant. Why the no desire. What happened? What can be done? What did things used to be like? And why?

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone in a similar situation tried backing off for awhile to give spouse time to miss their interest? If so, was this approach successful?

You could just try doing what your wife is asking. If she wants more help around the house, try it. If your spouse doesn't desire you, backing off will be a sigh of relief for them.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone in a similar situation tried backing off for awhile to give spouse time to miss their interest? If so, was this approach successful?

Without addressing the underlying trust or relationship issue? No.

Has anyone in a similar situation tried backing off for awhile to give spouse time to miss their interest? If so, was this approach successful?

* white collared

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Hiring it all out is the best solution for our family. Works great and allows us to maximize quality time with our kids. We hire out cleaning, groceries, law care, snow removal, meal prep, most errands, laundry, and some driving for the kids due to conflicts. The only big downside is that it's a lot to manage, and our kids don't have as many chores as I did growing up because we outsource so much. They make their beds, pick up their clutter in the mornings, and help with dishes in the evening. Hopefully, that's enough, and they'll gradually learn more when they leave for college.

I see more whiteboard men having the goal of Avoiding time with their kids (caring, teaching, grooming, coaching, tutoring, outings) than Maximizing time with their kids.

At most they swing by a game and fondle their iPhone half of the time and never talk with other parents or even their spouse.

Are you sure with all this “outsourced extra time”, they will spend it raising and parenting their children or taking care of their family?! That’s a big assumption from my POV and observations.

You should see the amount of work emails and texts flying around each night and weekend from married w children men. Not cool.

I need a wife.

Then I can just focus on my career and hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Hiring it all out is the best solution for our family. Works great and allows us to maximize quality time with our kids. We hire out cleaning, groceries, law care, snow removal, meal prep, most errands, laundry, and some driving for the kids due to conflicts. The only big downside is that it's a lot to manage, and our kids don't have as many chores as I did growing up because we outsource so much. They make their beds, pick up their clutter in the mornings, and help with dishes in the evening. Hopefully, that's enough, and they'll gradually learn more when they leave for college.

So if you're at it, why don't you hire out s*x as well and the problem solves itself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Yesh!
He should go do that, go “hire out,” train, manage and pay for “all of it”: drivers, cooks, cleaners, tutors, coaches, landscapers, repairmen, car maintainers, therapists, health advisors, financial advisors, vacation planners, etc.

Any other adult stuff he should be doing but won’t?

Lol

Father position for hire! Husband position for hire! Leader of the household position for hire!
Come one, come all!

Nah, skip that $hit.

Just hire a high quality wife who gets stuff done, on time and correctly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Yesh!
He should go do that, go “hire out,” train, manage and pay for “all of it”: drivers, cooks, cleaners, tutors, coaches, landscapers, repairmen, car maintainers, therapists, health advisors, financial advisors, vacation planners, etc.

Any other adult stuff he should be doing but won’t?

Lol

Father position for hire! Husband position for hire! Leader of the household position for hire!
Come one, come all!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Hiring it all out is the best solution for our family. Works great and allows us to maximize quality time with our kids. We hire out cleaning, groceries, law care, snow removal, meal prep, most errands, laundry, and some driving for the kids due to conflicts. The only big downside is that it's a lot to manage, and our kids don't have as many chores as I did growing up because we outsource so much. They make their beds, pick up their clutter in the mornings, and help with dishes in the evening. Hopefully, that's enough, and they'll gradually learn more when they leave for college.

What’s a lot to manage? What does that even mean? Who manages what?

Have you ever had a job or hired someone to do a job in any context?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Hiring it all out is the best solution for our family. Works great and allows us to maximize quality time with our kids. We hire out cleaning, groceries, law care, snow removal, meal prep, most errands, laundry, and some driving for the kids due to conflicts. The only big downside is that it's a lot to manage, and our kids don't have as many chores as I did growing up because we outsource so much. They make their beds, pick up their clutter in the mornings, and help with dishes in the evening. Hopefully, that's enough, and they'll gradually learn more when they leave for college.

What’s a lot to manage? What does that even mean? Who manages what?

A few partners before meeting me in our early 30s.

Maybe she has desires that she uncomfortable sharing?

Anonymous wrote:If all other issues are addressed, how should restart an active and fulling sex life? My wife was brought up in the south, in a social conservative environment. Even more, she drive is on the lower side and not adventurous. Thus, have options are limited. I assume if sex is pleasurable, it she’ll want it. Since she hasn’t expressed any desire or preferences, I’m stuck.

How would she have preferences that you don’t know about? Did she have a lot of sexual experience before she met you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Hiring it all out is the best solution for our family. Works great and allows us to maximize quality time with our kids. We hire out cleaning, groceries, law care, snow removal, meal prep, most errands, laundry, and some driving for the kids due to conflicts. The only big downside is that it's a lot to manage, and our kids don't have as many chores as I did growing up because we outsource so much. They make their beds, pick up their clutter in the mornings, and help with dishes in the evening. Hopefully, that's enough, and they'll gradually learn more when they leave for college.