Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not an acceptable turn of phrase.
But I am not offended because it shows the low character of the speaker. Just as if they had said they work FT because “I wanted to use my brain”
I mean, its rude. But there's also an element of truth to it.
I know that's a taboo opinion (albeit a more popular opinion that most want to admit).
Kids are meant to be with their parents during those formative years. Not outsourced.
I know one women who brags how she paid people to potty train her kids. WTF did she even have kids for
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mom of two teens here with two observations:
1) my kids friends are all really great, smart, well mannered, kind kids. I couldn’t tell you which ones had SAHMs and which ones had WOHMs if I didn’t know their parents (I know many but not all and it’s a mix of both working and non working parents - they all raised awesome kids).
2) this concept of raising your own children is a relatively new phenomenon. Ever heard of the term “it takes a village”? I also have seen some studies that say that working parents now spend significantly more time with their children than stay at home moms did 20-30 years ago. Probably because there isn’t really a village anymore.
Interesting how everyone is just passing by and ignoring this post. As a mom of older ES kids, I agree - all of my children's friends are wonderful kids. Some of them have SAHMs, some of them have two working parents. They're all great kids. If it makes you ladies feel better to put down working moms and tell us we're ruining our children forever, then fine, go ahead, but my kids have turned out great so far, even with a mom who sent them to daycare.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not an acceptable turn of phrase.
But I am not offended because it shows the low character of the speaker. Just as if they had said they work FT because “I wanted to use my brain”
I mean, its rude. But there's also an element of truth to it.
I know that's a taboo opinion (albeit a more popular opinion that most want to admit).
Kids are meant to be with their parents during those formative years. Not outsourced.
I know one women who brags how she paid people to potty train her kids. WTF did she even have kids for
Anonymous wrote:It is not an acceptable turn of phrase.
But I am not offended because it shows the low character of the speaker. Just as if they had said they work FT because “I wanted to use my brain”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I get it, because it’s true, even if people don’t want to admit that’s what’s happening when children are in full-time daycare. But in polite society we avoid saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings, regardless of whether it’s truthful or not.
But it’s not truthful. My kids went to daycare, and, sure, their daycare teachers, who were all wonderful, provided care during the workday. But my spouse and I made the decisions on how to parent, which included finding great caregivers.
If your children go to daycare for 10-11 (7-6 or 7:30-5:30) hours a day for the first 4-5 years of life and sleep 10-12 hours a night then you are not spending 4-5 hours with them each day 70% of the week. How is this controversial? You are outsourcing a lot of parenting duties to other caregivers. Someone saying that they don’t want to do that is not wrong. And I’m saying this as a full time working parent.
I don’t believe you’re a working parent. My toddler is at preschool 9-4. During which she sleeps 2 hours. So 5 waking hours. She has a parent with her 7-9 and 4-7:30. So 5.5 waking hours. Plus weekends. Plus they close every single federal holiday, spring break, summer break, Christmas break, teacher workdays, and add in illnesses. I’d be shocked if she ever actually goes more than 25-30 hours/week and this is pretty standard for most dual working parent households I know. Plenty of us have 2 spouses with lots of flexibility and WAH. I work 7-3:30 and DH works 9-5:30 (sometimes earlier and he catches up at night if I need help getting a kid to an after school activity).
Also while our kids are at preschool/school I can squeeze in laundry, gym, grocery shopping etc. on breaks so we can prioritize family time during the evenings/weekends.
I really don’t care whether someone chooses to work or not, but I think it’s provincial if you envision most kids of working parents being in daycare for 10-11 hours, 5 days a week. This is not the norm for a single dual income household I know. I’ve thrown my kids birthday parties in the middle of a weekday off school and there’s tons of working parents able to shuttle their kids to laser tag at 2 pm on a Wednesday. Lots of moms and dads hanging out at the playground when school gets let out.
Being a working parent in 2024 means you can earn 6 figures, attend your kid’s school events, chaperone the field trips, and coach 5 pm soccer. Many of the DCUM working parents fall into this category.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Point being that when you work from home and have young kids, you are less efficient at work so something that may take 2 hours can get stretched to 5.
Not if they are napping.
Are you kidding? Kids do not nap all the time. Do you only have one kid? Give it a rest.
I actually used to cuddle with my toddler when she napped. When she was a baby, I napped when she napped.
Kids are mostly at school during their childhood and when they aren't they nap... a lot.
No I didn't nap during the day do you have narcolepsy?
I don't work when the kids are awake. I work when they are asleep or I engage with them, or they are at school or preschool or playdates.
Yes I have more than 1 kid but I don't have 3 under 5 that would make it hard.
No one with a reasonably demanding full time job is providing full time childcare and parenting young children at the same time. You can’t do both at the same time well. Remember? This was proven again and again to many of us during the pandemic.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Point being that when you work from home and have young kids, you are less efficient at work so something that may take 2 hours can get stretched to 5.
Not if they are napping.
Are you kidding? Kids do not nap all the time. Do you only have one kid? Give it a rest.
I actually used to cuddle with my toddler when she napped. When she was a baby, I napped when she napped.
Kids are mostly at school during their childhood and when they aren't they nap... a lot.
No I didn't nap during the day do you have narcolepsy?
I don't work when the kids are awake. I work when they are asleep or I engage with them, or they are at school or preschool or playdates.
Yes I have more than 1 kid but I don't have 3 under 5 that would make it hard.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think after a certain number of hours a day or per week, someone else is absolutely raising your children if you use care, whether it is a nanny, immediate or extended family, daycare, or a child care center.
I also think that some people will use the phrase to signal parental superiority while others may use it to signal despair.
or a tv or a playdate being raised by the TV or raised by a neighbor... or if you kid is just left in their crib, not being raised at all, just abandoned.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Nah, I just pity them because I know they must be insecure about their SAHM choices and bored with sitting home with their kids and needing to justify their decisions. Yes, I have less time with my kids because I WOH, but I still raise them.
What if they’re not? What if they truly believe that it’s important to be their kids’ primary caregiver in those early years? What if they’re not at all insecure about being a SAHM?
Then they wouldn't say rude things to other people... It's not complicated.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone who doesn’t realize saying this is potentially going to ruffle some feathers has low EQ.
So the choices are you knowingly say things that are going to make some people feel a certain kind of way and you don’t care or you have low EQ. So I’m not offended but then I form an opinion of you probably.
Yep it's this.
EQ shouldn't be a synonym for not being able to express controversial ideas, though.
Why do you need to express controversial ideas in this context? We’re in not HS debate anymore.
Anonymous wrote:If anyone ever said that to me, I would probably say that I’ve sacrificed many parts of my career to be the parent I want, but I want to maintain a professional career to ensure I can support my family’s financial future. That is the truth, I’m not killing it per say in either category. I’m striking a careful balance between downgrading at work so I can be present for my kids on a daily basis, while also utilizing quality childcare as needed so I can help provide for them today and in the future.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Children who spent a lot of time in daycare as babies and toddlers have more behavior problems in school than children who were cared for by a family member or a nanny. It's important for babies to form attachments to their caregivers, which doesn't happen in daycares because of all the other kids around and the staff turnover. I feel bad for people who can't afford to stay home or hire a nanny or have grandma babysit all day, but I keep it to myself.
Our K-1 grade teacher said the kids who never went to daycare or preschool were such a nightmare to adjust to going to school.
They are clingy and insecure and unable to get along with others.
This isn't true at all. Just one of those old wives tales that circulates regulalry. Kind of like everyone knowing twins named Orangello and Lemongello
DP, a current third grade teacher told me this personally. It used to be irrelevant when Kindergarten was more like pre-K, but now the differences are stark especially in more affluent areas where kids who were in school had a ton of enrichment.