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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

I think this is a major part of the problem. Many schools actually don’t publish lists or they just list the schools where at least one member of last year’s or last 3 year’s graduating class is attending.

Just publish the complete facts. It is important to parents…indicate how many kids are attending which school, so you know if only 1 kid is attending Harvard and actually 30 are attending UMD or vice versa.

If they handed out this list then when any adult asked the tour guide, the guide could just point to the one-sheet and that would be it.

Many schools don't publish the list? Which ones? I haven't seen this issue. Heck even my public high school did this when I graduated. If you can't find the data, don't bother with the school. Quizzing the tour guide isn't going to answer the question anyway.

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

I think this is a major part of the problem. Many schools actually don’t publish lists or they just list the schools where at least one member of last year’s or last 3 year’s graduating class is attending.

Just publish the complete facts. It is important to parents…indicate how many kids are attending which school, so you know if only 1 kid is attending Harvard and actually 30 are attending UMD or vice versa.

If they handed out this list then when any adult asked the tour guide, the guide could just point to the one-sheet and that would be it.

Anonymous wrote:School administrator here. Because of the ridiculous hype and stress around college apps in recent years, OP is right.

Don't ask. Look at the college list that is readily available. Ask admissions. Just don't make students answer the college question from every adult in their lives. Yes, they can handle it most of the time. But they shouldn't have to. And you don't know if they just got rejected from their EA, ED or top RD.

Listen to the school administrator (even if they might be a dog)

What has changed in the last 20-30 years is that admission rates have dropped for the top tier schools and for many families and kids, particularly in independent schools, admission to top tier college has come to seem to be increasingly important as the path to maintaining status and having a successful life.

There have been tons of articles about the increasing perceived importance of top tier college admission in the face of decreasing admission rates and debating whether the importance is simply a matter of competition for status or is meaningful in life outcomes but whichever you believe the competition is clearly there (and if you haven’t seen those articles feel free to spend 5 minutes on DCUM).

So college admissions is perceived as more high stakes these days, and of course everyone knows it involves a complex calculation of grades, test scores, extra curriculars, costs, etc. And for many top schools admission rates are under 10%.

So as result, when you are asking a kid “where are applying to go to college” you are asking them to implicitly reveal a fair bit of complicated personal information about their grades and hopes exactly at a time when every part of their lives is under scrutiny for whether it measures up, and yet it reveals very little about where they will actually go.

Now certainly kids vary— some kids are fine sharing with strangers, some kids are fine sharing with classmates, and some kids want to share only with family and closest friends.

For that reason, I think the comparison to exchanging salaries or trying to conceive is closer than just average small talk (not that “what do you do” is great small talk anyway).

Of course those of you who want to “test” kids don’t care anyway.

School administrator here. Because of the ridiculous hype and stress around college apps in recent years, OP is right.

Don't ask. Look at the college list that is readily available. Ask admissions. Just don't make students answer the college question from every adult in their lives. Yes, they can handle it most of the time. But they shouldn't have to. And you don't know if they just got rejected from their EA, ED or top RD.

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

Interesting. I wonder if this was an acceptable question 15-20 years ago. A question that was once ok can become offlimits as times change. This doesn’t really feel intrusive but maybe it is. For those against it does this mean you shouldnt be asking parents of these kids as small talk because of this potential for embarrassment?

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Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

It’s weird, like their decision to have their kid apply to a high school hinges on what colleges the tour guide is considering. Bizarre.

Seriously, the question isn't targeted at the individual. It's a benchmark for measuring how they field generic questions, which reflects education. I don't care where any kid applies, except mine.

You are not hearing people when we tell you: this is not a generic question for a senior at this time of year.

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Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.

This is pretty slimy. You should be embarrassed. I'm certain your kids are. Please tell the admissions director this is what you're doing with their tour guides. I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to have your family at their school.

I'll let you know in the spring. I can tell you my kid is a great candidate for all the schools and as I mentioned we're already at a scho many folks here want to get in, so there's that. BTW you're the one name calling, so whose slimy?

Dp: Do you realize you come across as a psycho?

Anonymous forum. Do I care how I come off to you?

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Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.

This is pretty slimy. You should be embarrassed. I'm certain your kids are. Please tell the admissions director this is what you're doing with their tour guides. I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to have your family at their school.

I'll let you know in the spring. I can tell you my kid is a great candidate for all the schools and as I mentioned we're already at a scho many folks here want to get in, so there's that. BTW you're the one name calling, so whose slimy?

Dp: Do you realize you come across as a psycho?

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

How they deal under pressure does reflect preparation.

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

Ooooh, scawy! It seems you are still too worked up to read and engage with my posts but please tell—buckle up for….what, exactly? Me and/or my sons being asked where they’re applying? Somehow I think we’ll be fine but thanks for the heads up. I’m sorry it’s been hard for you.

"Me and my sons" says a lot about you. You're not really interested in this discussion.

LOL, still can’t come up with any cogent argument to support your position so you lash out with a weird vaguely ominous insult about a minor grammatical error instead of participating in the conversation. You are like a stereotype

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

You are paranoid and unhinged and I’m genuinely concerned for your well-being.

Same, bro. Same. You are obsessed with kids and their futures. Scary.

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

You are paranoid and unhinged and I’m genuinely concerned for your well-being.

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Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

It’s weird, like their decision to have their kid apply to a high school hinges on what colleges the tour guide is considering. Bizarre.

Seriously, the question isn't targeted at the individual. It's a benchmark for measuring how they field generic questions, which reflects education. I don't care where any kid applies, except mine.

This response makes no sense. A benchmark for how they field generic questions? And that reflecting education? Come on, with that kind of BS you've got to be a lawyer too

Families makes odd decisions based on tour guides and spending 1 hour on campuses. People on the DCUM college board are talking about not applying to a school based on a 90-minute visit because of a guide they find strange and one thing they saw.

Well, we chose not to apply to a school that sent a socially awkward kid who could speak with us as a tour guide. The school advertised that it produced articulate, prepared students, clearly this was not the case. If this is what they have to show us, no thanks.

Maybe they do it intentionally to weed out some problematic applicants at the beginning! Schools don't "produce" students either!

Maybe... i just thought 'this is the best they could do?'

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.

Is it small talk or the most important question you have? You know the school publishes lists of where all the grads go right? The opportunities and paths are readily available if you ask. But its more about putting a kid on the hot seat to see if they can pass the test isn’t it?

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Anonymous wrote:All you people on this board arguing it is a fair question, just ask the Admission Office where the student tour guides are applying to college instead of the children leading the tour. You think the question is fine, we don’t, so ask the adults if it’s so important to you. And then we will know exactly who to exclude. And if you are too scared to ask the admissions office because you realize what an a** you are being then you are a coward for asking it of the child leading your tour.

Actually we want to know how the students handle themselves, not the adults who are selling us something.

I was trying to think of a good adult equivalent of this tour guide situation feeling wise. The best I can think of in terms of comfort would be a stranger who is interviewing at your company/place of work asking you directly how much money you make and then asking follow-ups at a casual lunch you're assigned to do with them.

Nah, it's more like a stranger interviewing at a company and asking if there are progression opportunities amd what thay individuals' or similar path would be. Totally relevant.