Anonymous wrote:This thread/situation seems really similar to the “hung up on skip line supervisor” post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am at a loss for words, but I will try my best to explain the situation. The job I’ve had my eye on for years has finally opened up. The person is retiring. I recently traveled out of state for my in-person interview (I was the top candidate after my virtual interview). The experience was a little too personal, in my opinion. The man who would be my boss texted me while I was asleep the night before I was supposed to fly out. He texted me to tell me that he was going to pick me up at the airport. None of this had been mentioned before, even though we had the flight and hotel information for about 2 weeks. I was quite upset when I saw it in the morning, one reason being that I had already arranged for transportation. I also checked my email that morning before I left, and found a very full itinerary, which he had sent overnight as well. My previous understanding was that my interview was going to be on a Friday. The itinerary had him picking me up from the airport (Thursday afternoon), going to lunch with him from there, going to the workplace to meet part of the team at the workplace, and then going out to dinner. Friday was going to be one-on-one breakfast with him, at my hotel. All day tours/meeting people (including lunch with some of the other employees). And then dinner. He said Saturday was TBA. Saturday???? Anyway, I was extremely uncomfortable with all the one-on-one time, since he is a man and I am a female—there was going to be a lot of time with just him and me in his personal vehicle going to different job sites, to/from my hotel, etc. I emailed him that morning and told him that I already had transportation arranged from the airport, and that I would like to pass on lunch. He he seemed angry about this. While I was at the airport, there was a lot of back-and-forth text messages regarding how important it was that we go to lunch. At one point, he said it would throw off the whole itinerary if we didn’t go to lunch together. This wasn’t true. The first meeting wasn’t scheduled until 2:30; my plane was supposed to land at 1:00. Not to mention it’s a little strange to schedule things right after my plane is supposed to land, because it could be delayed (which it was). After a lot of push back, I got him off my back for lunch and the airport pick up.

I got through the next day and a half, but was extremely uncomfortable with all of the one-on-one time. He would occasionally mention wanting to plan something for Saturday; I repeatedly had to keep insisting that he not. (A little more information- I have lived in this city before, and he was aware of that). When we parted ways Friday evening (with his car parked outside my hotel, in the dark), he told me he would be offering me the job, and that they are not considering any other candidates.

A few days into the next work week, he stated texting me (again, I was uncomfortable with this). I replied to the first text, saying that I would be available another day that week. He waited several hours, and then sent me an angry text in response, saying that maybe he should just not offer me the job after all.
I really feel like he is interested in more than a professional relationship. Obviously, I can’t accept the job if I am offered it, but this is highly unfair. If I were a man, I would be able to take this job—my dream job that I have been waiting for.

So how do I handle this either way? Do I contact HR if I don’t get an offer and ask what’s up? If I get an offer, do I contact HR and tell them what happened? I’m sure people on here will say just let it go, but if/when they resume their search, this could happen to yet another woman. And that’s just not right.

No, you’re not at a loss for words.

Anonymous wrote:I am at a loss for words, but I will try my best to explain the situation. The job I’ve had my eye on for years has finally opened up. The person is retiring. I recently traveled out of state for my in-person interview (I was the top candidate after my virtual interview). The experience was a little too personal, in my opinion. The man who would be my boss texted me while I was asleep the night before I was supposed to fly out. He texted me to tell me that he was going to pick me up at the airport. None of this had been mentioned before, even though we had the flight and hotel information for about 2 weeks. I was quite upset when I saw it in the morning, one reason being that I had already arranged for transportation. I also checked my email that morning before I left, and found a very full itinerary, which he had sent overnight as well. My previous understanding was that my interview was going to be on a Friday. The itinerary had him picking me up from the airport (Thursday afternoon), going to lunch with him from there, going to the workplace to meet part of the team at the workplace, and then going out to dinner. Friday was going to be one-on-one breakfast with him, at my hotel. All day tours/meeting people (including lunch with some of the other employees). And then dinner. He said Saturday was TBA. Saturday???? Anyway, I was extremely uncomfortable with all the one-on-one time, since he is a man and I am a female—there was going to be a lot of time with just him and me in his personal vehicle going to different job sites, to/from my hotel, etc. I emailed him that morning and told him that I already had transportation arranged from the airport, and that I would like to pass on lunch. He he seemed angry about this. While I was at the airport, there was a lot of back-and-forth text messages regarding how important it was that we go to lunch. At one point, he said it would throw off the whole itinerary if we didn’t go to lunch together. This wasn’t true. The first meeting wasn’t scheduled until 2:30; my plane was supposed to land at 1:00. Not to mention it’s a little strange to schedule things right after my plane is supposed to land, because it could be delayed (which it was). After a lot of push back, I got him off my back for lunch and the airport pick up.

I got through the next day and a half, but was extremely uncomfortable with all of the one-on-one time. He would occasionally mention wanting to plan something for Saturday; I repeatedly had to keep insisting that he not. (A little more information- I have lived in this city before, and he was aware of that). When we parted ways Friday evening (with his car parked outside my hotel, in the dark), he told me he would be offering me the job, and that they are not considering any other candidates.

A few days into the next work week, he stated texting me (again, I was uncomfortable with this). I replied to the first text, saying that I would be available another day that week. He waited several hours, and then sent me an angry text in response, saying that maybe he should just not offer me the job after all.
I really feel like he is interested in more than a professional relationship. Obviously, I can’t accept the job if I am offered it, but this is highly unfair. If I were a man, I would be able to take this job—my dream job that I have been waiting for.

So how do I handle this either way? Do I contact HR if I don’t get an offer and ask what’s up? If I get an offer, do I contact HR and tell them what happened? I’m sure people on here will say just let it go, but if/when they resume their search, this could happen to yet another woman. And that’s just not right.

Anonymous wrote:This thread/situation seems really similar to the “hung up on skip line supervisor” post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm really curious. How old are you?

40’s.

I doubt this man was hitting on you.

OP you both sound odd and socially clueless.

Anonymous wrote:This thread/situation seems really similar to the “hung up on skip line supervisor” post.

Anonymous wrote:OP is either gone and has been replaced by a troll or completely FOS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh goodness OP. You are difficult. And it sounds like you’re pissed off mostly at yourself. Why would you tell someone who is about to offer you a job to follow up at a more appropriate time???

I didn't use the word "appropriate". I was at a conference. I offered to speak with him the day after the conference ended (it was just a 2-day conference). I even told him I was at a conference.

Um, I would prioritize a discussion about a job offer for my "dream job" over a conference. Who wouldn't?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh goodness OP. You are difficult. And it sounds like you’re pissed off mostly at yourself. Why would you tell someone who is about to offer you a job to follow up at a more appropriate time???

I didn't use the word "appropriate". I was at a conference. I offered to speak with him the day after the conference ended (it was just a 2-day conference). I even told him I was at a conference.

Um, I would prioritize a discussion about a job offer for my "dream job" over a conference. Who wouldn't?

There was no time for a good discussion. I would have had to put a time limit on it. The day after the conference I was available all day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness this all happened a couple weeks ago, and there is no offer or match to be had.

Sounds like a bad hire for a group that likes to text, have lunch, and rework schedules at the last minute.

Sounds like a bad employer for OP due to the same reasons.

OP has been back for days, safe and sound, working hard at her fulltime job.

OP here. Yet in one of the group meetings, he stepped out, and not one but TWO employees rolled their eyes at him. I really don't think the group likes to text or have lunch. I mentioned my itinerary to them while he was out of the room (someone asked how my things had been), and they all were shocked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is either gone and has been replaced by a troll or completely FOS.

Lol.

Maybe the resident Relationships Troll is trying out their YA novel posts here!?!