Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Presumably you are referring to kids who are 7-12 ish age range that were spanked, rather than the 1-4 year olds who were near-universally spanked?

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was spanked by my parents and while I thought it was not great and wouldn't do it to my own kids, it was "the time" and not that damaging.

Eventually I figured out (on my own) that my parents were just abusive. They hit us in anger all the time. My dad "spanked" us with a belt. They screamed at us, made fun of us, gave us the silent treatment, etc. All these behaviors got rolled into this excuse of "this is how it was at the time" and "well, attitudes on child discipline have shifted." And for years I thought my upbringing was normal, if out of step with current parenting "trends."

There were even a few years in there where I realized my parents' hit/yelled/punished more than was typical for the time, but I honestly thought it was just a reflection of my siblings and I being bad kids and getting into more trouble and my parents HAD to do what they did because we weren't the kind of good children who could be raised without that kind of violence. My brothers still both think this on some level.

I believe there are parents who really only "spank" without anger, as a form of punishment, for a certain number of years when kids are what they deem the appropriate age. But I think there are WAY more parents like mine, who lean back on the idea that "spanking" is an acceptable form of discipline to cover a variety of abusive behaviors and convince their kids that it was normal and fine.

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the kids I knew who were spanked generally seemed to grow up in more dysfunctional families and didn't turn out as well as the kids who weren't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain to your child that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid? So much for parents modeling correct behavior for their kids.

I was raised by a spanker and it was clearly because they lacked good communication and were overwhelmed (single parent) and used it as an excuse to lash out when feeling helpless. When I was spanked as a kid, I definitely became MORE likely to then lash out as others. Same for my sibling. Both of us grew up to not spank our kids (who turned out fine. Why spank when alternative discipline works just fine? It doesn't mean you don't give your kids repercussions for poor behavior).

People also make vague claims about kids today having worse behavior. It's all utter BS anecdotal crap, and my own anecdotal analysis is that the same people I know of who make such claims (often poor/less educated) did some sh*t and sometimes violent things as kids in the 80s to 90s.

How do you explain to your kid that it's not ok for them to take other kids' phones away but it's ok for you to take their phone/screen time away? How can parents model correct behavior when parents do things that kids cannot do?

What a dilemma.

Utter BS. I actually tell me kids they can hold me accountable for my behavior. So if I do something I tell them is not ok, they can put me in time out or take away something. The difference is I as a parent never do something that I tell my kid is not ok to do to others so they don't get to enact this privilege.

Spanking is lazy parenting.

This criticism - lazy parenting - do you mean that parents shouldn't use more effective tools but instead should use less effective tools? If that's what you mean, it's a strange argument.

If spanking is more effective to you, that's on you. Sorry you can't figure it out (again, saying this as a person who grew up with a parent who freely spanked).

Got it. So you are saying that spanking is effective and that parents should instead choose less effective parenting tools.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it ok to hit some people and not others?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain to your child that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid? So much for parents modeling correct behavior for their kids.

I was raised by a spanker and it was clearly because they lacked good communication and were overwhelmed (single parent) and used it as an excuse to lash out when feeling helpless. When I was spanked as a kid, I definitely became MORE likely to then lash out as others. Same for my sibling. Both of us grew up to not spank our kids (who turned out fine. Why spank when alternative discipline works just fine? It doesn't mean you don't give your kids repercussions for poor behavior).

People also make vague claims about kids today having worse behavior. It's all utter BS anecdotal crap, and my own anecdotal analysis is that the same people I know of who make such claims (often poor/less educated) did some sh*t and sometimes violent things as kids in the 80s to 90s.

How do you explain to your kid that it's not ok for them to take other kids' phones away but it's ok for you to take their phone/screen time away? How can parents model correct behavior when parents do things that kids cannot do?

What a dilemma.

Utter BS. I actually tell me kids they can hold me accountable for my behavior. So if I do something I tell them is not ok, they can put me in time out or take away something. The difference is I as a parent never do something that I tell my kid is not ok to do to others so they don't get to enact this privilege.

Spanking is lazy parenting.

This criticism - lazy parenting - do you mean that parents shouldn't use more effective tools but instead should use less effective tools? If that's what you mean, it's a strange argument.

If spanking is more effective to you, that's on you. Sorry you can't figure it out (again, saying this as a person who grew up with a parent who freely spanked).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain to your child that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid? So much for parents modeling correct behavior for their kids.

I was raised by a spanker and it was clearly because they lacked good communication and were overwhelmed (single parent) and used it as an excuse to lash out when feeling helpless. When I was spanked as a kid, I definitely became MORE likely to then lash out as others. Same for my sibling. Both of us grew up to not spank our kids (who turned out fine. Why spank when alternative discipline works just fine? It doesn't mean you don't give your kids repercussions for poor behavior).

People also make vague claims about kids today having worse behavior. It's all utter BS anecdotal crap, and my own anecdotal analysis is that the same people I know of who make such claims (often poor/less educated) did some sh*t and sometimes violent things as kids in the 80s to 90s.

How do you explain to your kid that it's not ok for them to take other kids' phones away but it's ok for you to take their phone/screen time away? How can parents model correct behavior when parents do things that kids cannot do?

What a dilemma.

Utter BS. I actually tell me kids they can hold me accountable for my behavior. So if I do something I tell them is not ok, they can put me in time out or take away something. The difference is I as a parent never do something that I tell my kid is not ok to do to others so they don't get to enact this privilege.

Spanking is lazy parenting.

This criticism - lazy parenting - do you mean that parents shouldn't use more effective tools but instead should use less effective tools? If that's what you mean, it's a strange argument.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where my "I'll give you something to cry about!" generation kids at?

My friend and I were talking this weekend about how kids today would not have survived our upbringing in the 90s...no sunscreen, no helmets, never drank water, and were expected to behave in public or face the consequences later (or if your mom was among friends, get spanked and humiliated right in front of 'em).

It might not have been the best to spank, but let's call it like it is: we didn't have droves of teachers quitting back then because of the terrible student behavior. The most scandalous thing a peer of mine ever said to a teacher was something like "can we crack the window? your sweater smells funny." I have friends who are teachers who have been physically assaulted by students more than once. Why do they do it? Because there are no consequences. When a kid acted so badly that they were disruptive, they were put in a self-contained classroom. The good of the masses was greater than the good of the one. Now it's all about keeping things equal. That's fine and dandy in theory but sh!t in practice. My kid's 3rd grade classroom was evacuated at least once a week because of a disruptive student. And what did the student's peers learn? If you trashed a classroom and acted like a fool, you got to go see the principal where you were given cookies to calm down...while your good peers cleaned up and restored their classroom back to normal.

Same and I wonder the same. Instead of the honors teacher or whatever, I wish I could choose the strict teacher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain to your child that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid? So much for parents modeling correct behavior for their kids.

I was raised by a spanker and it was clearly because they lacked good communication and were overwhelmed (single parent) and used it as an excuse to lash out when feeling helpless. When I was spanked as a kid, I definitely became MORE likely to then lash out as others. Same for my sibling. Both of us grew up to not spank our kids (who turned out fine. Why spank when alternative discipline works just fine? It doesn't mean you don't give your kids repercussions for poor behavior).

People also make vague claims about kids today having worse behavior. It's all utter BS anecdotal crap, and my own anecdotal analysis is that the same people I know of who make such claims (often poor/less educated) did some sh*t and sometimes violent things as kids in the 80s to 90s.

How do you explain to your kid that it's not ok for them to take other kids' phones away but it's ok for you to take their phone/screen time away? How can parents model correct behavior when parents do things that kids cannot do?

What a dilemma.

Utter BS. I actually tell me kids they can hold me accountable for my behavior. So if I do something I tell them is not ok, they can put me in time out or take away something. The difference is I as a parent never do something that I tell my kid is not ok to do to others so they don't get to enact this privilege.

Spanking is lazy parenting.

Anonymous wrote:“that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid?”

Objection, Your Honor. Asked and answered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you explain to your child that it's not ok for them to hit others and it's not ok for you to hit others but it's totally ok for you to hit your kid? So much for parents modeling correct behavior for their kids.

I was raised by a spanker and it was clearly because they lacked good communication and were overwhelmed (single parent) and used it as an excuse to lash out when feeling helpless. When I was spanked as a kid, I definitely became MORE likely to then lash out as others. Same for my sibling. Both of us grew up to not spank our kids (who turned out fine. Why spank when alternative discipline works just fine? It doesn't mean you don't give your kids repercussions for poor behavior).

People also make vague claims about kids today having worse behavior. It's all utter BS anecdotal crap, and my own anecdotal analysis is that the same people I know of who make such claims (often poor/less educated) did some sh*t and sometimes violent things as kids in the 80s to 90s.

How do you explain to your kid that it's not ok for them to take other kids' phones away but it's ok for you to take their phone/screen time away? How can parents model correct behavior when parents do things that kids cannot do?

What a dilemma.