Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is the alternative?

One home during the week and school year.

Other home during some weekends and summer.

50 -50 is for the guilty parents. If the parents cared at all about the kids they wouldn't put them through 50-50.

Hmmm, I could easily say they wouldn't cheat, abuse, divorce, etc. as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is the alternative?

One home during the week and school year.

Other home during some weekends and summer.

50 -50 is for the guilty parents. If the parents cared at all about the kids they wouldn't put them through 50-50.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

Then shut up. You know nothing.

I know the kids around me shuttling between homes are miserable about the arrangement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

Then shut up. You know nothing.

Anonymous wrote:I posted early on but came back to weigh in on food stamps and child support. I couldn’t find the origins of the debate, but indeed for food stamps they can’t see child support that is not paid through the child services official system. One should report it, it does count as income (it does not for Medicaid purposes in my state but it does for snap) but they can’t see it if you don’t report it.

Anonymous wrote:What about a nesting requirement for the kids? Would that address OP's concerns?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

So if your adult children are divorcing, would you advocate them letting their ex having like 80% of the time?

I first told them don't get married if you aren't sure. If you are sure and get married, don't have kids for 5 to 7 years. Enjoy yourselves, travel. Have a several year honeymoon. Then if you still want kids, do a brutal budget and time schedule. Understand what you will be giving up. Talk to your friends who by then will have kids.

If they still want kids, then great. I am on board for babysitting.

Ok, but you never answered the question. That has nothing to do with it.

Yes I think kids should be in one home 80 percent of the time.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

So, are you willing to be the 20% home? No, it’s not right when a parent loses their kids to their ex being selfish and generally it’s about money. More custody, less visits, more child support.

I told my DH there was no divorce once we had kids. We had been married 13 years by then, I had started babysitting friends kids with him and went through our budget. I remember him exclaiming that "childcare would be as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I said. He got a reality check that day 20 plus years ago.

It wasn’t the easiest but we got through it all. We just soldiered through. We are out by the pool right this minute, watching our kids swim and enjoy the holiday weekend.

I am lucky.

And if I had not been lucky? I would want my kids in one house most of the time. I wouldn't want them to suffer because the adults were acting like idiots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

So if your adult children are divorcing, would you advocate them letting their ex having like 80% of the time?

I first told them don't get married if you aren't sure. If you are sure and get married, don't have kids for 5 to 7 years. Enjoy yourselves, travel. Have a several year honeymoon. Then if you still want kids, do a brutal budget and time schedule. Understand what you will be giving up. Talk to your friends who by then will have kids.

If they still want kids, then great. I am on board for babysitting.

Ok, but you never answered the question. That has nothing to do with it.

Yes I think kids should be in one home 80 percent of the time.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

So, are you willing to be the 20% home? No, it’s not right when a parent loses their kids to their ex being selfish and generally it’s about money. More custody, less visits, more child support.

I told my DH there was no divorce once we had kids. We had been married 13 years by then, I had started babysitting friends kids with him and went through our budget. I remember him exclaiming that "childcare would be as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I said. He got a reality check that day 20 plus years ago.

It wasn’t the easiest but we got through it all. We just soldiered through. We are out by the pool right this minute, watching our kids swim and enjoy the holiday weekend.

I am lucky.

And if I had not been lucky? I would want my kids in one house most of the time. I wouldn't want them to suffer because the adults were acting like idiots.

You simply don't get it. Would you be ok with the 20% and your husband having full custody? Would you be ok with your sons only having their kids once a month for a weekend?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

So if your adult children are divorcing, would you advocate them letting their ex having like 80% of the time?

I first told them don't get married if you aren't sure. If you are sure and get married, don't have kids for 5 to 7 years. Enjoy yourselves, travel. Have a several year honeymoon. Then if you still want kids, do a brutal budget and time schedule. Understand what you will be giving up. Talk to your friends who by then will have kids.

If they still want kids, then great. I am on board for babysitting.

Ok, but you never answered the question. That has nothing to do with it.

Yes I think kids should be in one home 80 percent of the time.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

So, are you willing to be the 20% home? No, it’s not right when a parent loses their kids to their ex being selfish and generally it’s about money. More custody, less visits, more child support.

I told my DH there was no divorce once we had kids. We had been married 13 years by then, I had started babysitting friends kids with him and went through our budget. I remember him exclaiming that "childcare would be as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I said. He got a reality check that day 20 plus years ago.

It wasn’t the easiest but we got through it all. We just soldiered through. We are out by the pool right this minute, watching our kids swim and enjoy the holiday weekend.

I am lucky.

And if I had not been lucky? I would want my kids in one house most of the time. I wouldn't want them to suffer because the adults were acting like idiots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s better for a kid to have nothing more than a trivial relationship with one parent?

Better than having trivial lives with no real home.

Why wouldn’t they have 2 real homes?
My parents were divorced when I was a kid and we spent every other weekend with dad. Maybe it would have been the case anyway, but we were never close, he always felt like more like an uncle figure, and I didn’t know my father’s relatives very well. I think keeping the bond with both parents is so important, and 50-50 is probably the easiest way to achieve that. But if you don’t like it, why don’t you give up much of your parenting time so that your kids’ primary residence, their “real home” is with your ex?

Op here. I am not divorced. I see this with selfish parents around me. My kids are grown and grew up with two parents.

So if your adult children are divorcing, would you advocate them letting their ex having like 80% of the time?

I first told them don't get married if you aren't sure. If you are sure and get married, don't have kids for 5 to 7 years. Enjoy yourselves, travel. Have a several year honeymoon. Then if you still want kids, do a brutal budget and time schedule. Understand what you will be giving up. Talk to your friends who by then will have kids.

If they still want kids, then great. I am on board for babysitting.

Ok, but you never answered the question. That has nothing to do with it.

Yes I think kids should be in one home 80 percent of the time.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

So, are you willing to be the 20% home? No, it’s not right when a parent loses their kids to their ex being selfish and generally it’s about money. More custody, less visits, more child support.