Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am making this decision currently. I’ve spoken to a lot of people who went through this…of people who did redshirt for summer bdays, I haven’t spoken to a single person who regrets it. With people who didn’t redshirt, I’ve spoken to some who don’t regret it thus far but some who do. I find myself thinking about not just now/the next year (she would do perfectly fine going now) but 10 years down the road

Will you be ok if your daughter is the first in her class to go through puberty, who expresses normal adolescent defiance when most of her peers are still "little kids"? As someone who went through puberty on the later side I remember feeling no personal embarrassment about that (though I remember lying to friends in middle school that I'd stay gotten my period!) But I do remember the girls who were wearing bras first had a pretty tough time for a year or so.

I myself have a July birthday (turned 5 right before K) and my own DD has a November birthday so she turned 5 after K started, but our school district is very strict on their anti redshirt policy and the academic cutoff is the full calendar year (so all kids born in 2021 will start K the same year). As a result there's virtually no talk about redshirting.

This was a lot of my thought process with my DD. She's a late July birthday and we started her on time. Thus far, I'm glad we did - she's doing well academically and she's pretty mature for her age (you can't tell she's the youngest) - but that aside, she's very tall for her age. She is the youngest in her class and one of the tallest. I went through puberty early, she likely will too. I can't imagine her being the oldest in her grade because she already really stands out and puberty is just so awkward as it is.

I have a September birthday DD who just made the cutoff. She's literally the youngest in her grade and at 20th percentile for height and weight, is also one of the smallest in her class. Several girls are starting puberty now, going into 4th grade, but she's still years away. She does great academically, but is immature and struggles socially. It's hard for her to keep up with the girl drama and prefers to still play pretend games.

Kindergarten was very rough. She got in trouble a lot for being immature and would sob almost every night that she "just wanted to play" and "didn't want to go to school." We made it through and things have gotten better, but I wouldn't call it easy. She still finds the social aspect of school to be hard. I think it feels to her like she's always playing up a level with all the other kids being just a bit bigger and more mature. She also really struggles with other kids getting praised for being more mature and wants to shine but can't quite seem to manage to earn that praise. Given that she's among at the top of her current grade academically, I have no doubt she'd be a total superstar if we'd redshirted.

She's a September birthday so she started K at 4 yo and will start college at 17 yo. Even if we'd redshirted she would never have been a 19 yo senior. Academically I don't have any regrets, but I do wish that I'd redshirted for social reasons. Life just shouldn't always have to feel this hard.

PP you are quoting... I didn't say anything about anyone being a 19 year old senior???

Anonymous wrote:Good for you! My DD misses the cut-off and could not start K last year. She was bored out of her mind in pre-K.

Anonymous wrote:A September or October birthday is different than a summer birthday folks. We're talking about redshirting summer birthdays.

I think it's weird that so many school districts make the cut-off October or November. I've never heard a good explanation for it. I think it should the cut-off should either match the start date of school (so all kids are the same age on the first day of school) or the end date of school (so all kids in a grade will have turned the same age by the end of the year). I think a lot of this stuff is actually mental for kids -- it's not really about being the smallest kid (I have a spring birthday and was always the smallest kid in my grade) or the smartest (this varies so much from child to child as well as from skill to skill that I think it's silly to game). But I think it's good for kids to feel like they are on the same footing as their peers, and having ages that match up help a lot.

I have an August birthday kid and had no issues sending on time, but if I had a late October kid I would absolutely have considered waiting, especially if they were smaller or had specific skills to work on before K.

Anonymous wrote:A FB mom group I’m in just had a mom advocating to redshirt JANUARY kids … out of control

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am making this decision currently. I’ve spoken to a lot of people who went through this…of people who did redshirt for summer bdays, I haven’t spoken to a single person who regrets it. With people who didn’t redshirt, I’ve spoken to some who don’t regret it thus far but some who do. I find myself thinking about not just now/the next year (she would do perfectly fine going now) but 10 years down the road

Will you be ok if your daughter is the first in her class to go through puberty, who expresses normal adolescent defiance when most of her peers are still "little kids"? As someone who went through puberty on the later side I remember feeling no personal embarrassment about that (though I remember lying to friends in middle school that I'd stay gotten my period!) But I do remember the girls who were wearing bras first had a pretty tough time for a year or so.

I myself have a July birthday (turned 5 right before K) and my own DD has a November birthday so she turned 5 after K started, but our school district is very strict on their anti redshirt policy and the academic cutoff is the full calendar year (so all kids born in 2021 will start K the same year). As a result there's virtually no talk about redshirting.

This was a lot of my thought process with my DD. She's a late July birthday and we started her on time. Thus far, I'm glad we did - she's doing well academically and she's pretty mature for her age (you can't tell she's the youngest) - but that aside, she's very tall for her age. She is the youngest in her class and one of the tallest. I went through puberty early, she likely will too. I can't imagine her being the oldest in her grade because she already really stands out and puberty is just so awkward as it is.

I have a September birthday DD who just made the cutoff. She's literally the youngest in her grade and at 20th percentile for height and weight, is also one of the smallest in her class. Several girls are starting puberty now, going into 4th grade, but she's still years away. She does great academically, but is immature and struggles socially. It's hard for her to keep up with the girl drama and prefers to still play pretend games.

Kindergarten was very rough. She got in trouble a lot for being immature and would sob almost every night that she "just wanted to play" and "didn't want to go to school." We made it through and things have gotten better, but I wouldn't call it easy. She still finds the social aspect of school to be hard. I think it feels to her like she's always playing up a level with all the other kids being just a bit bigger and more mature. She also really struggles with other kids getting praised for being more mature and wants to shine but can't quite seem to manage to earn that praise. Given that she's among at the top of her current grade academically, I have no doubt she'd be a total superstar if we'd redshirted.

She's a September birthday so she started K at 4 yo and will start college at 17 yo. Even if we'd redshirted she would never have been a 19 yo senior. Academically I don't have any regrets, but I do wish that I'd redshirted for social reasons. Life just shouldn't always have to feel this hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you! My DD misses the cut-off and could not start K last year. She was bored out of her mind in pre-K.

Same. I have two kids with summer birthdays who started on time and one with a November birthday who is endlessly bored in her class. The summer birthday kids are absolutely fine. AAP - all honors, well adjusted, top sports teams, etc. I cannot for the life of me understand why any parent would change the trajectory of their kids based on a few months difference in preschool. It makes absolutely no sense. Kids learn and adapt. What parents perceive as a big deal in kindergarten is forgettable by 7th grade. Absent a medical disability or child with special needs, I think this redshirting business is helicopter parenting at its worst. Our friends redshirted their spring birthday kid because his writing wasn't perfect in preschool, a skill he could easily pick up in the summer or over a few days at home. And now he's more than 16 months older than his peers in some cases.

Makes no sense.

A tip: You are going to have a very, very tough row to hoe if you remain this judgmental, uncomprehending, and nosy about the parenting decisions of other people. Also, your own kids will just start keeping a lot of secrets from you when they become teens. My kids are all nearly grown and I’ve seen this pattern in the judgmental parents so many times now.

DP. It's not nosy or uncomprehending at all -- it's a fair assessment. And judgment is okay when someone else's behavior impacts you. Which redshirting does. Parents who redshirt do it to give their kids an advantage. It's designed to game the system to benefit their child. My kid is in that system. So yes, I will judge. This isn't like judging how someone parents in their own home or how they spend money or whatever.

Keep telling yourself that.

Meanwhile your teenagers will distance themselves from you.

If telling yourself that makes you feel better, go for it.

Oh, my kids are almost out of the house. I’m just reporting facts at this point. I realize as a judgmental, uncomprehending, and nosy parent, it makes you defensive to understand what will happen when your kids become teenagers, but perhaps consider that I’ve seen a lot more teenagers than you have.

Nobody with a healthy, non-judgmental parenting outlook cares this much about what other parents do as far as redshirting. Your obsession is betraying how you parent and it will come at a cost to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you! My DD misses the cut-off and could not start K last year. She was bored out of her mind in pre-K.

Same. I have two kids with summer birthdays who started on time and one with a November birthday who is endlessly bored in her class. The summer birthday kids are absolutely fine. AAP - all honors, well adjusted, top sports teams, etc. I cannot for the life of me understand why any parent would change the trajectory of their kids based on a few months difference in preschool. It makes absolutely no sense. Kids learn and adapt. What parents perceive as a big deal in kindergarten is forgettable by 7th grade. Absent a medical disability or child with special needs, I think this redshirting business is helicopter parenting at its worst. Our friends redshirted their spring birthday kid because his writing wasn't perfect in preschool, a skill he could easily pick up in the summer or over a few days at home. And now he's more than 16 months older than his peers in some cases.

Makes no sense.

A tip: You are going to have a very, very tough row to hoe if you remain this judgmental, uncomprehending, and nosy about the parenting decisions of other people. Also, your own kids will just start keeping a lot of secrets from you when they become teens. My kids are all nearly grown and I’ve seen this pattern in the judgmental parents so many times now.

DP. It's not nosy or uncomprehending at all -- it's a fair assessment. And judgment is okay when someone else's behavior impacts you. Which redshirting does. Parents who redshirt do it to give their kids an advantage. It's designed to game the system to benefit their child. My kid is in that system. So yes, I will judge. This isn't like judging how someone parents in their own home or how they spend money or whatever.

Keep telling yourself that.

Meanwhile your teenagers will distance themselves from you.

If telling yourself that makes you feel better, go for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you! My DD misses the cut-off and could not start K last year. She was bored out of her mind in pre-K.

Same. I have two kids with summer birthdays who started on time and one with a November birthday who is endlessly bored in her class. The summer birthday kids are absolutely fine. AAP - all honors, well adjusted, top sports teams, etc. I cannot for the life of me understand why any parent would change the trajectory of their kids based on a few months difference in preschool. It makes absolutely no sense. Kids learn and adapt. What parents perceive as a big deal in kindergarten is forgettable by 7th grade. Absent a medical disability or child with special needs, I think this redshirting business is helicopter parenting at its worst. Our friends redshirted their spring birthday kid because his writing wasn't perfect in preschool, a skill he could easily pick up in the summer or over a few days at home. And now he's more than 16 months older than his peers in some cases.

Makes no sense.

A tip: You are going to have a very, very tough row to hoe if you remain this judgmental, uncomprehending, and nosy about the parenting decisions of other people. Also, your own kids will just start keeping a lot of secrets from you when they become teens. My kids are all nearly grown and I’ve seen this pattern in the judgmental parents so many times now.

DP. It's not nosy or uncomprehending at all -- it's a fair assessment. And judgment is okay when someone else's behavior impacts you. Which redshirting does. Parents who redshirt do it to give their kids an advantage. It's designed to game the system to benefit their child. My kid is in that system. So yes, I will judge. This isn't like judging how someone parents in their own home or how they spend money or whatever.

Keep telling yourself that.

Meanwhile your teenagers will distance themselves from you.

Anonymous wrote:I hope other parents keep in mind that people have many reasons for starting their summer birthdays late if they have the option. For us, we had been in virtual school the entire year prior and had no idea what returning to real interaction/social life would be like so we opted for an in person preK with a smaller class instead of going into K (planning for public). There was so much uncertainty, especially how the year would go in public school. Covid was relatively traumatic for us and I hate to think people may judge my sweet kid now or in the future.

Anonymous wrote:They have cutoffs for a reason.

Good for you for not succumbing to red shirt pressure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am making this decision currently. I’ve spoken to a lot of people who went through this…of people who did redshirt for summer bdays, I haven’t spoken to a single person who regrets it. With people who didn’t redshirt, I’ve spoken to some who don’t regret it thus far but some who do. I find myself thinking about not just now/the next year (she would do perfectly fine going now) but 10 years down the road

Will you be ok if your daughter is the first in her class to go through puberty, who expresses normal adolescent defiance when most of her peers are still "little kids"? As someone who went through puberty on the later side I remember feeling no personal embarrassment about that (though I remember lying to friends in middle school that I'd stay gotten my period!) But I do remember the girls who were wearing bras first had a pretty tough time for a year or so.

I myself have a July birthday (turned 5 right before K) and my own DD has a November birthday so she turned 5 after K started, but our school district is very strict on their anti redshirt policy and the academic cutoff is the full calendar year (so all kids born in 2021 will start K the same year). As a result there's virtually no talk about redshirting.

This was a lot of my thought process with my DD. She's a late July birthday and we started her on time. Thus far, I'm glad we did - she's doing well academically and she's pretty mature for her age (you can't tell she's the youngest) - but that aside, she's very tall for her age. She is the youngest in her class and one of the tallest. I went through puberty early, she likely will too. I can't imagine her being the oldest in her grade because she already really stands out and puberty is just so awkward as it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you! My DD misses the cut-off and could not start K last year. She was bored out of her mind in pre-K.

Same. I have two kids with summer birthdays who started on time and one with a November birthday who is endlessly bored in her class. The summer birthday kids are absolutely fine. AAP - all honors, well adjusted, top sports teams, etc. I cannot for the life of me understand why any parent would change the trajectory of their kids based on a few months difference in preschool. It makes absolutely no sense. Kids learn and adapt. What parents perceive as a big deal in kindergarten is forgettable by 7th grade. Absent a medical disability or child with special needs, I think this redshirting business is helicopter parenting at its worst. Our friends redshirted their spring birthday kid because his writing wasn't perfect in preschool, a skill he could easily pick up in the summer or over a few days at home. And now he's more than 16 months older than his peers in some cases.

Makes no sense.

A tip: You are going to have a very, very tough row to hoe if you remain this judgmental, uncomprehending, and nosy about the parenting decisions of other people. Also, your own kids will just start keeping a lot of secrets from you when they become teens. My kids are all nearly grown and I’ve seen this pattern in the judgmental parents so many times now.

DP. It's not nosy or uncomprehending at all -- it's a fair assessment. And judgment is okay when someone else's behavior impacts you. Which redshirting does. Parents who redshirt do it to give their kids an advantage. It's designed to game the system to benefit their child. My kid is in that system. So yes, I will judge. This isn't like judging how someone parents in their own home or how they spend money or whatever.