Anonymous wrote:I always wished my mom was educated, not for earning a pay check but for her own sake and to help educate us.

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

Maybe for men, but for women, early marriage usually means less time to figure out who you are as a person. It's good to be single and just casually dating or not dating at all so you can spend some time just being free to do what you want.

This is a stereotype but men generally do just fine being who they want to be and doing what they want to do after they are married and before kids, and generally speaking they are better about being their own person and maintaining their own identity after they have kids too.

I did exactly what i wanted. I focused on my career, i pursued hobbies, i had girl trips galore and he hung out with his friends, we traveled a ton. By being together we had a lot more money, structure and stability to do things we always wanted to do. Started having kids in early 30s.

This only works if you snag a good partner you are compatible with. It is bad advice to tell women to drop a guy like this because you met too early and you need to find yourself.

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s smart because you can get a divorce in before you have kids.

That’s usually not the plan, they want to establish career, buy a house, pay off student loans and have fun together. Mostly college sweethearts with six figure jobs.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying young is like a tattoo, bad judgment. Neither position people for a good future.

This. The only people I know who marry early who have money have daughters who struggle academically and the parents don't think they will ever manage a job. No one in my umc neighborhood wants their kids to marry until at least their later 20s.

+1 Marrying young usually means: 1) family is very religious and wants daughter locked down early, 2) daughter has plateaued with respect to career/academic ambitions, and better to have her locked down early, or 3) daughter is pregnant (because she was not locked down early.)

Not necessarily. My boss's daughter is 25, starting med school, BF is 24 with an MBA and a consulting job. They have to move to California for her school, they figured if he is uprooting his life to move with her, it should be a stronger bond.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying young is like a tattoo, bad judgment. Neither position people for a good future.

This. The only people I know who marry early who have money have daughters who struggle academically and the parents don't think they will ever manage a job. No one in my umc neighborhood wants their kids to marry until at least their later 20s.

+1 Marrying young usually means: 1) family is very religious and wants daughter locked down early, 2) daughter has plateaued with respect to career/academic ambitions, and better to have her locked down early, or 3) daughter is pregnant (because she was not locked down early.)

What a weird comment. Nobody's career potential is "plateaued" in 20's.

Uh, what? Millions of Americans "plateau" in high school every year. Lots of college-educated people can't hack it in the working world.

I know 5 women who went to Harvard undergrad (children of very wealthy legacies) who had dropped out of the work force by late 20s and never worked again because they got married. Nevermind that some of them didn't even have kids for another 4-5 years, but that it was just expected that women in their circles didn't work once they got married. As one does in Texas, the Upper East Side, and Newport.

TBH, I wish they had given those spots at Harvard to first gen kids who would've hustled after earning that degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're headed to med school at ~22, especially as a woman (because of fertility), you may not have much time to date again for a long time.

The fear lingering needs to stop. This isn’t true.