Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero empathy for money lost. You planned an international trip during COVID. That’s just poor judgment.

Op here. I planned it in Jan 2021 when we all thought the vaccines were gonna save us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is becoming abusive. Just stop it everyone.

Op here. The crazy thing is that the thread as it is now is after I reported a ton of comments and Jeff deleted them. People telling me to rehome my child, that I should have aborted him, that I’m a terrible person and a terrible mother.

I guess this subject has really hit a nerve.

You aired something uncomfortable. Folks have opinions. The nerves are your own.

Going on a one week vacation without a 2 year does not call for telling someone to abort or rehome a child. "Folks" are a-holes.

-not OP

This kid spends days with multiple Nannie’s, not the parents and parents now plan to leave the kid home. That’s sad. I have a sn child. If anything I was more protective at that age as they could not talk and I’d never leave my kid home.

It is heartwarming to hear how this thread has provided an opportunity for you to reflect on what an incredible parent you are. Don't we all jist love finding someone we can put down so we can feel good about ourselves? Especially with the holidays coming up.

You don’t leave one child home during the holidays. If the holidays are about family you don’t exclude one member. They can bring a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

That's possible, but not the norm. Either way, unless the state has determined she is unfit, the mother is the legal guardian, and is ultimately responsible. But you surely know this, so I don't know how defending child abandonment for a trip to the Carribean benefits you to the point that you're willing to play devil's advocate in its defense.

Do you consider it "child abandonment" every time I drop my child off at daycare lol? Look, if OP is considering leaving her SN 2 yo at home by themselves, then I'm with you all the way. But what I am seeing is she was considering leaving her child with a known caregiver, and in no universe (except the wacko one you live in, apparently) is that child abandonment.

Also, side question, is it child abandonment if she leaves the child with their father?

Does your child have special needs and will you be in another country, at the whims of the airlines, during a pandemic?

Good try, though.

Anonymous wrote:To all of the self-righteous mfs who don't have kids with SN: I bet *your* family life doesn't revolve around the needs of just *one* of its members who in this case sounds like someone whose already challenging behaviors may escalate rather than dissipate as he gets older and if so will make it impossible for his family to enjoy a vacation with or without him, as the nanny surely won't be able to handle his tantrums alone when he is bigger and stronger than he is now. And while the degree of the 2 year old's developmental issues will determine whether or not he'll understand having been left with his nanny at some undetermined point in the future should he happen to see any photos of this trip, I can guarantee that the five year old, assuming that he knows about this trip already, absolutely will remember having to cancel it in order to accommodate the needs of a sibling who already takes up the bandwidth of his parents' time and attention and with whom it probably won't be possible to have a fully reciprocal sibling relationship when, chronologically speaking, both have reached adulthood.

OP, it sounds as though having your nanny watch your 2 year-old will be a win-win for him and for her. It also sounds as though she'll be well-compensated and that in coordination with her, you've created a plan for your son's care that will allow her some respite. Enjoy your Caribbean vacation with your 5-year-old, your husband and your mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is becoming abusive. Just stop it everyone.

Op here. The crazy thing is that the thread as it is now is after I reported a ton of comments and Jeff deleted them. People telling me to rehome my child, that I should have aborted him, that I’m a terrible person and a terrible mother.

I guess this subject has really hit a nerve.

You aired something uncomfortable. Folks have opinions. The nerves are your own.

Going on a one week vacation without a 2 year does not call for telling someone to abort or rehome a child. "Folks" are a-holes.

-not OP

This kid spends days with multiple Nannie’s, not the parents and parents now plan to leave the kid home. That’s sad. I have a sn child. If anything I was more protective at that age as they could not talk and I’d never leave my kid home.

It is heartwarming to hear how this thread has provided an opportunity for you to reflect on what an incredible parent you are. Don't we all jist love finding someone we can put down so we can feel good about ourselves? Especially with the holidays coming up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure I was left behind while my parents went on vacation with my brother at a similar age. I have no memory of this, of course, and I think any issues I have from how my parents treated me as a child has much more to do with my mother's anxiety and isolation than the particular choice to leave me behind that one time. I wish she could have gotten more breaks.

OP, I know it's hard, but ignore the sanctimommy noise on DCUM. It's all about their insecurities and not about you at all. If you can feel certain your son will be well-cared-for and tolerate your absence, then I say go.

You're fortunate nothing happened to you while she left you behind. Many kids aren't, so stop belittling concern as "sanctimommy noise".

You know things can happen to children even if their mother is literally with them every second of every minute of every day right?

Yes, but at least that wouldn't be the fault of the mother abandoning their child.

No, it would be the mother's fault for directly causing the the "thing" by either harming the child herself or failing to protect her child from danger. That's way better.

Children are actually die under the care of family vs a caregiver.

That's possible, but not the norm. Either way, unless the state has determined she is unfit, the mother is the legal guardian, and is ultimately responsible. But you surely know this, so I don't know how defending child abandonment for a trip to the Carribean benefits you to the point that you're willing to play devil's advocate in its defense.

Do you consider it "child abandonment" every time I drop my child off at daycare lol? Look, if OP is considering leaving her SN 2 yo at home by themselves, then I'm with you all the way. But what I am seeing is she was considering leaving her child with a known caregiver, and in no universe (except the wacko one you live in, apparently) is that child abandonment.

Also, side question, is it child abandonment if she leaves the child with their father?

Anonymous wrote:I think you will spend the whole time miserable and feeling sorry for your 2 yo and nanny. If not maybe your 2 yo is better off with his nanny than you anyway. V

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s awful and I have no advice but condolences. Going to point out that these rules are insane…utterly insane. No other country in the world is forcing 2 year olds to wear masks. This is why Biden has dismal approval ratings. He doesn’t give a f*** about real world implications on families.

Grow up.

DP but this sentiment is how we got here. No one in power cares about *moms mostly* who are actually dealing with the mess of policies they unnecessarily created. If you express concern (ie this isn’t realistic and there’s no science behind it), this is exactly the kind of response you get. Going to guess you work in government?

Anonymous wrote:I wish more people in this situation would go to the media. The mask mandates, without reasonable accomodations for small children, are inhumane. It was fine early in the pandemic, but we shouldn't be preventing families from traveling for nearly two years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is becoming abusive. Just stop it everyone.

Op here. The crazy thing is that the thread as it is now is after I reported a ton of comments and Jeff deleted them. People telling me to rehome my child, that I should have aborted him, that I’m a terrible person and a terrible mother.

I guess this subject has really hit a nerve.

You aired something uncomfortable. Folks have opinions. The nerves are your own.

Going on a one week vacation without a 2 year does not call for telling someone to abort or rehome a child. "Folks" are a-holes.

-not OP

This kid spends days with multiple Nannie’s, not the parents and parents now plan to leave the kid home. That’s sad. I have a sn child. If anything I was more protective at that age as they could not talk and I’d never leave my kid home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero empathy for money lost. You planned an international trip during COVID. That’s just poor judgment.

Op here. I planned it in Jan 2021 when we all thought the vaccines were gonna save us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is becoming abusive. Just stop it everyone.

Op here. The crazy thing is that the thread as it is now is after I reported a ton of comments and Jeff deleted them. People telling me to rehome my child, that I should have aborted him, that I’m a terrible person and a terrible mother.

I guess this subject has really hit a nerve.

You aired something uncomfortable. Folks have opinions. The nerves are your own.

Going on a one week vacation without a 2 year does not call for telling someone to abort or rehome a child. "Folks" are a-holes.

-not OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you have multiple nannies but can't afford to cancel this trip and book something suitable for the entire family.

THIS! The OP's BS story is that she has spent all her money on this one vacation and it's all non-refundable, and yet, she has two nannies and can afford to pay the regular nanny for a week of 24/7 care (plus overtime b/c I'm sure OP complies with all local employment laws).

Honestly, this sounds like some psych student's attempt to create a new wire-monkey mother narrative.

This is such a good point that I hadn’t thought of. OP, any response to this? Clearly this isn’t about the money.

Op here. It’s complex and multi factorial. Some factors are-we live in a very low cost of living area so having nannies is much cheaper here than in DC. Also, we get a tax break on the nanny wages which helps. Part of the challenge in just cancelling and doing another trip is financial, another piece of it is work schedule driven-this is the only time that DH can really travel. We can’t just do another trip like this at some other time this year. We could cancel this trip and try to plan another trip, but it couldn’t include plane travel and we live in the Midwest, there’s not a lot of fun things within reasonable driving distance and things are booked at Christmas. Another factor probably is the sunk cost fallacy-we couldn’t recoup the costs we’ve already spent.