Tell your brother not to come because you obviously aren't ready. You don't have to decide how you feel about everything yet. Maybe never.

OP is salty AF that she didn't get any like the brother did.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Yeah, this. Your brother is the one who was married and cheated on his wife. You have misplaced anger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

I am not OP and have responded a few times in favor of OP. It's obvious there are some side pieces in here appalled that they might get judged for their roles in the breakup of a family and flabbergasted that they might not be greeted with open arms into their two-timing boyfriend's family. That guy is no prize and not worth half this drama.

Lol, I have been married for ten years and I have two kids. I have no love for APs or the men who leave their wives for them.

But I don't borrow trouble, and I'm sure not going to cause some big dramatic blowup and ruin the holidays because my sibling cheating on their spouse. I can't believe there are so many drama queens who would

The difference between you and OP is that she actually likes her SIL and cares about her and the kids. Just because you don't care doesn't mean everyone is like you. We know plenty of sisters would be thrilled to get rid of their SIL and get their brothers back, but this doesn't sound like that kid of case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

I am not OP and have responded a few times in favor of OP. It's obvious there are some side pieces in here appalled that they might get judged for their roles in the breakup of a family and flabbergasted that they might not be greeted with open arms into their two-timing boyfriend's family. That guy is no prize and not worth half this drama.

Lol, I have been married for ten years and I have two kids. I have no love for APs or the men who leave their wives for them.

But I don't borrow trouble, and I'm sure not going to cause some big dramatic blowup and ruin the holidays because my sibling cheating on their spouse. I can't believe there are so many drama queens who would

I would ban your brother. He is a piece of crap for cheating on his wife. The, so-called, mistress was his choice.

OP, I don’t think you are out of line at all. I would lose all respect for my brother in this situation, and would have zero interest in ever getting to know the AP. That said, I would try and keep a relationship with my brother because he is family. I would barely be able to look at the AP and would not ever develop a relationship with her. And I’ve never been cheated on and have too many brothers!

Anonymous wrote:It really isn't your business at all. If he is invited, he is free to bring whomever he wants. You don't get to dictate who he brings.

People aren't allowed to decide who sets foot in their house? Who are you crazy people? She's not ready to host this woman and that's her choice. her brother is a jerk for not respecting her. He can make his own damn turkey dinner.

Anonymous wrote:The kids don’t like new gf. You don’t have to either. Can you invite ex wife?

Please. She wants to make her own life, not hang out with her ex's inlaws. Everyone needs to move on

It really isn't your business at all. If he is invited, he is free to bring whomever he wants. You don't get to dictate who he brings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another sister in her brother's business and up his arse. Leave him be. Don't even invite him if you can't be civil to his girlfriend. (Sorry, babe; she's not a "mistress" or a "side piece" anymore. He is divorced and he has a girlfriend.)

Get a life, honestly. What is with you women who sniff around your brother's business all the time? And yes, I have a brother.

If it's an event at her house, it's her business. Outside of that, leave him alone.

Which is why I said “don’t even invite him if you can’t be civil to his girlfriend,” dummy.

Oooh "dummy" - sick burn!

Oooh, “sick burn!” Amazing comeback. In 2012.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need to know if I am out of line here.

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

I don't think a family holiday is an appropriate venue to meet her. There would be a tension there. Bro is lucky he is still invited to family events. Are we in the wrong for not letting her attend since he is now divorced and his official GF. *gag*

Well, you lied to him. You said you didn't want her around until his divorce was final. Now you say you don't ever want to meet her or host her. So you are wrong for that.

I think you should tell him, "I'm still really upset with you for the way you ended your marriage and I judge GF for her role in it. She's in your life and I see that, but I don't want to be upset about this over Christmas and I doubt you want to bring her to a place where everyone is cold to her either. Let's give it another 6 months for tempers to cool."

OP, I would not say that you are “out of line” you are hurt and acting emotionally. The breakup of a family is an emotional thing. Do you want to compound this with a break up between you\mom and brother? You did tell him things would change after the divorce. Well, it’s now after the divorce and you have moved the mark. But this isn’t a business transaction, it’s love and hurt. I think the advice that PP offered above is your best bet. But I would change the “judge GF” part to “ you both” We love you, you are welcome to come. We are still hurt and emotional right now so this just isn’t the time for GF…. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my dad cheated and married the mistress.
My ex cheated and we divorced.

My advice, as an ex Christian, is to ask yourself, what would Jesus do? He'd invite the sinners to dinner and be kind to them.

I hope you can get to a place where you can forgive your brother. Hate the sin, not the sinner.

What's with the holy rollers out in force today?

I’m actually no longer Christian but when considering a moral quandry, I find his examples helpful.

I’m actually a witch. Seriously. I do spells. But I don’t cheat or have sex with cheaters. I do treat them kindly however.

C.S. Lewis has a helpful perspective in the last book of his Chronicles of Narnia: whoever or however you worship, if you're a good person, you will reach whatever holy place is on the other side. Now as an atheist, I don't believe in a biblical "Heaven". But I certainly believe that we should act humanely all throughout our lives and try to understand people even while condemning their acts of betrayal or cruelty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another sister in her brother's business and up his arse. Leave him be. Don't even invite him if you can't be civil to his girlfriend. (Sorry, babe; she's not a "mistress" or a "side piece" anymore. He is divorced and he has a girlfriend.)

Get a life, honestly. What is with you women who sniff around your brother's business all the time? And yes, I have a brother.

If it's an event at her house, it's her business. Outside of that, leave him alone.

Which is why I said “don’t even invite him if you can’t be civil to his girlfriend,” dummy.

Oooh "dummy" - sick burn!

The kids don’t like new gf. You don’t have to either. Can you invite ex wife?