Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 13:35     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to be the kind of woman that celebrates other women’s blessings. In general I don’t struggle to be happy for others but there’s this niggling feeling I’m being conned by Jen and it makes me a mean cynic toward her posts.
There’s a motive behind her every word and action, and it’s all to benefit Jen.
I don’t think she’s capable of understanding the level of desperation many are living in right now. She lacks genuine empathy, but knows how to parrot sweetsy feeling phrases to her followers like she cares. It’s all calculated.

I went back and read through Brandon’s IG. He talks about healing from getting his identity from serving others and feeling unappreciated. He’s a 2 on the ennigram, their internal motive is to be loved. All his gushy Tina posts suggests he finally feels seen and valued just for him, not as another cog in the machinery. Narcissists are brilliant at finding 2’s and exploiting their need to please. So Jen had a husband and parents and an entire church serving her for decades. Then there is her friend crew who obviously embrace her version of realty and rally to serve her as well. How many moms have this storyline? Single or otherwise? I do not know of anyone who has had her level of support, none.

When she tries to tell me how to have a mini me camp since I don’t have the ability to do a month away I balk. I know it may sound ridiculous but even getting an entire afternoon to sit outside with a book and wine uninterrupted is nearly impossible at this stage of my life. I steal time in little segments, but dedicated space to just be left alone, nope. I’m not saying I don’t need it, I’m saying I don’t have the support system to pull it off.

This is the root of my bitterness. Instead of being grateful for the 2 miracle children God gave me and my own hardworking ennigram 2 husband I’m left feeling like my life isn’t good enough. I can’t take me camps, don’t have girlfriends throwing me parties, or famous friends showering me with praise and gifts, or taking idyllic trips. I’m an exhausted middle aged mom, smack in the middle class feeling the inflation pinch, plagued with worry about the future.
Jen who once was a source of folksy down home Christian mom wisdom is now a thorn in my side. Shaming me in my mediocrity, for not living my best life. What the hell does that even mean? Some of us have responsibilities that preclude us from living a lifestyle of the rich and famous.
Jen has built her life using the resources she’s been given and I can respect that but please stop acting like any of this is readily available to the majority of us. It’s not.


Well this comment is everything. I would pay money for someone to post those words on her next Facebook post. I've also really been thinking lately that I wish someone would post a link to this thread, on her page. I'm sure it would get the person blocked for doing so, but it would be really nice to help point the other Jen followers to this gold mine of a thread. I had the nagging sense for a while that something was off but it wasn't until reading all of these pages that it all began to click.
I'm mad at myself that I spent years being jealous of her and wondering why I didn't have the close family relationships, the perfect marriage, the fun sounding dinner clubs, the super-close best friends, etc, that she had. She made it look like she was excelling in every relationship and in every department, and it left me feeling lame in comparison.
Now I look at the kind of person she has become, and I think why was I jealous? No I haven't had Botox or plastic surgery or amazing fun trips by myself or with my besties, but I have a husband and children who love me and we eat nearly every meal together; I have sisters and a couple close friends who I text and laugh with daily and grab a meal together when we can; I have a safe and loving home and a church that makes me feel like I belong; and I am thankful for my simple life of love and blessings. Jen made me feel like crap for a long time and I'm not going to let her do it anymore...


Same here! I really struggled with friendships in my 30s. Our big sis Jen kept yelling, "friendship is easy! Just show up for people!" I felt like I'd show up for people all the time - bring them food when a family member passed, check in on people, pay attention to other people's lives - and yet when my family went through a major ordeal, barely any of those people showed up for me. One day I realized that whenever Jen talks about showing up for others, she gives examples of when people showed up for HER. I've never heard her share a story about when SHE sat with someone going through a divorce or built a friend a porch bed (seriously WTF). That's when it hit me how much she uses people, because it takes a lot more to find good friends than just throwing a pizza oven in your backyard.


This resonates with me. Years ago, I was in the same circle as an up and coming blogger and eventual overnight sensation.


I had to step away when I was used as a blog post or subject without my permission, several times. Imagine a post of a private, embarrassing matter that occurred between you and the social media star being spun as a teachable moment or worse, a humor piece. Throw in an equally specific description of all involved and it’s absolutely humiliating.

And the narcissistic social media maven being a user is painfully true; posts after posts of thanks and glorification of those who did the most, were the best ever BFF while those who weren’t as splashy or more subdued were forgotten. Zero examples of user providing actual support in turn.

It’s all carefully curated fiction.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 13:22     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
I don't think anyone is the way that Jen markets herself. These lifestyle gurus are pretty damaging.

Not only is there not enough time for anyone to be that over the top in all areas of life, having to record and manage and social media post it all takes up a huge chunk of time. Even if she has a social media manager.

None of it adds up.

I know a couple acquantinces/people in my outer circles like her who are kind of well known - they spend a lot of time curating an online persona while simultaneously spinning a lot of wheels and apparently thriving everywhere. It is non stop self promotion. But the math doesn't math. There's this deep sunken feeling that there is something fraudulent and dishonest is going on behind the scenes.

Can you do any of this kind of stuff and be an honest person? To yourself and others?
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 12:36     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Well this comment is everything. I would pay money for someone to post those words on her next Facebook post. I've also really been thinking lately that I wish someone would post a link to this thread, on her page. I'm sure it would get the person blocked for doing so, but it would be really nice to help point the other Jen followers to this gold mine of a thread. I had the nagging sense for a while that something was off but it wasn't until reading all of these pages that it all began to click.
I'm mad at myself that I spent years being jealous of her and wondering why I didn't have the close family relationships, the perfect marriage, the fun sounding dinner clubs, the super-close best friends, etc, that she had. She made it look like she was excelling in every relationship and in every department, and it left me feeling lame in comparison.
Now I look at the kind of person she has become, and I think why was I jealous? No I haven't had Botox or plastic surgery or amazing fun trips by myself or with my besties, but I have a husband and children who love me and we eat nearly every meal together; I have sisters and a couple close friends who I text and laugh with daily and grab a meal together when we can; I have a safe and loving home and a church that makes me feel like I belong; and I am thankful for my simple life of love and blessings. Jen made me feel like crap for a long time and I'm not going to let her do it anymore...


I've totally been there, sister. I spent way too many years feeling this way and now I'm too "old" to even care. I have my core group of friends that I talk to over text maybe once every few weeks. I just don't have time for any of what she's been peddling and I no longer care. It's pretty liberating and I wasted most of my 30s feeling sad that I didn't have that. 40s? Way, way better...

I went back and read her post from 2013 about being the worst end of school year mom ever. THAT is the Jen I loved and completely related to as I raised many children myself and suffered through the stupid theme days at school, throwing crap into lunch boxes and calling it good in May...freaking loved that Jen! THAT is real life.

I don't even recognize the Jen that exists on facebook anymore. I'm in the trenches of raising multiple teenagers - Jr. High, High School, and College now...would love to follow someone online I can relate to again. I'll take suggestions!


Not necessarily a person to follow, but have you checked out Grownandflown.com? It's perfect for those of us who fall in that tween-college parenting stage. Lots of encouragement as well as practical advice about all of the little details. (Their college purchase lists saved me from buying dumb unnecessary stuff.) If you want articles from parents who actually listen to their kids and work through questions together, it's perfect.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 11:16     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Multiple posters have wanted a forensic accounting of Legacy Collective. Additionally, I’d like to know how well Jen pays her staff - her assistant(s), podcast producer, book club manager, etc. Does she pay them generously, offer health insurance, etc or does she skimp on them and take most of it for herself.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 10:21     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:

I went back and read her post from 2013 about being the worst end of school year mom ever. THAT is the Jen I loved and completely related to as I raised many children myself and suffered through the stupid theme days at school, throwing crap into lunch boxes and calling it good in May...freaking loved that Jen! THAT is real life. I don't even recognize the Jen that exists on facebook anymore. I'm in the trenches of raising multiple teenagers - Jr. High, High School, and College now...would love to follow someone online I can relate to again. I'll take suggestions!




This is ME! That 2013 rant was the first time I heard of Jen -- it was posted somewhere and I laughed hysterically while reading it. She got me 100 percent at that moment but I can barely remember anything else she's written.

Parenting is HARD and I embrace moms who get that and can see the humor in it rather than acting like everything's perfect all the time.



That was a funny piece of writing. But then she tried to make the “I just can’t parent” shtick her thing and it became too much.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 10:18     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:(I think she's a narcissist)


😂😂😂

Ding ding ding!
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 09:40     Subject: Jen Hatmaker


I went back and read her post from 2013 about being the worst end of school year mom ever. THAT is the Jen I loved and completely related to as I raised many children myself and suffered through the stupid theme days at school, throwing crap into lunch boxes and calling it good in May...freaking loved that Jen! THAT is real life. I don't even recognize the Jen that exists on facebook anymore. I'm in the trenches of raising multiple teenagers - Jr. High, High School, and College now...would love to follow someone online I can relate to again. I'll take suggestions!




This is ME! That 2013 rant was the first time I heard of Jen -- it was posted somewhere and I laughed hysterically while reading it. She got me 100 percent at that moment but I can barely remember anything else she's written.

Parenting is HARD and I embrace moms who get that and can see the humor in it rather than acting like everything's perfect all the time.

Anonymous
Post 07/15/2022 03:04     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
I think someone here was right- she wants to turn this into a travel show or something. And you know what really blows my mind? I saw a divorced friend of mine from high school posting in the comment section, all lovey dovey to Jen. I can’t help but think- the majority of people are dumb. With the exception of the brilliant ones on this thread of course.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 22:30     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And esp with teens I can see the end on the horizon. To yeet out of that time seems so wasteful and silly. ?


I wondered about this when she announced this year’s me camp. Like, isn’t Ben leaving for college? Don’t you want to spend as much time as you can because after they leave,even if they come home for summers, it’s never quite the same. I don’t mean soak up every single minute every day as they have their friends and stuff to do and places to go and probably a job. But still be there to have supper a few times a week, go a few places or just be home when they are.

I don’t mean to project my experience on any one else, but I treasured every moment the summer after my kids graduated and then left. Even if there were only a few hours here and there. For all I know he’s spending time with B or already gone. But I did wonder.


I agree with you about spending time with your kids before they go to college. I will say though that Ben is going to college about 25 mins from where they live, so maybe she feels like it’s not going to change much? I remember when Sydney went to DC, she made a big deal out of it. Idk, she’s so weird.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 21:45     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Most recent damage control video has a plethora of damage control comments. Girlfriend has fake/paid followers.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 21:38     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Same here! I really struggled with friendships in my 30s. Our big sis Jen kept yelling, "friendship is easy! Just show up for people!" I felt like I'd show up for people all the time - bring them food when a family member passed, check in on people, pay attention to other people's lives - and yet when my family went through a major ordeal, barely any of those people showed up for me. One day I realized that whenever Jen talks about showing up for others, she gives examples of when people showed up for HER. I've never heard her share a story about when SHE sat with someone going through a divorce or built a friend a porch bed (seriously WTF). That's when it hit me how much she uses people, because it takes a lot more to find good friends than just throwing a pizza oven in your backyard.



I couldn’t have said this better myself. I also felt something was WRONG with me after reading her books. I now know it was All fake.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 20:10     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to be the kind of woman that celebrates other women’s blessings. In general I don’t struggle to be happy for others but there’s this niggling feeling I’m being conned by Jen and it makes me a mean cynic toward her posts.
There’s a motive behind her every word and action, and it’s all to benefit Jen.
I don’t think she’s capable of understanding the level of desperation many are living in right now. She lacks genuine empathy, but knows how to parrot sweetsy feeling phrases to her followers like she cares. It’s all calculated.

I went back and read through Brandon’s IG. He talks about healing from getting his identity from serving others and feeling unappreciated. He’s a 2 on the ennigram, their internal motive is to be loved. All his gushy Tina posts suggests he finally feels seen and valued just for him, not as another cog in the machinery. Narcissists are brilliant at finding 2’s and exploiting their need to please. So Jen had a husband and parents and an entire church serving her for decades. Then there is her friend crew who obviously embrace her version of realty and rally to serve her as well. How many moms have this storyline? Single or otherwise? I do not know of anyone who has had her level of support, none.

When she tries to tell me how to have a mini me camp since I don’t have the ability to do a month away I balk. I know it may sound ridiculous but even getting an entire afternoon to sit outside with a book and wine uninterrupted is nearly impossible at this stage of my life. I steal time in little segments, but dedicated space to just be left alone, nope. I’m not saying I don’t need it, I’m saying I don’t have the support system to pull it off.

This is the root of my bitterness. Instead of being grateful for the 2 miracle children God gave me and my own hardworking ennigram 2 husband I’m left feeling like my life isn’t good enough. I can’t take me camps, don’t have girlfriends throwing me parties, or famous friends showering me with praise and gifts, or taking idyllic trips. I’m an exhausted middle aged mom, smack in the middle class feeling the inflation pinch, plagued with worry about the future.
Jen who once was a source of folksy down home Christian mom wisdom is now a thorn in my side. Shaming me in my mediocrity, for not living my best life. What the hell does that even mean? Some of us have responsibilities that preclude us from living a lifestyle of the rich and famous.
Jen has built her life using the resources she’s been given and I can respect that but please stop acting like any of this is readily available to the majority of us. It’s not.


Well this comment is everything. I would pay money for someone to post those words on her next Facebook post. I've also really been thinking lately that I wish someone would post a link to this thread, on her page. I'm sure it would get the person blocked for doing so, but it would be really nice to help point the other Jen followers to this gold mine of a thread. I had the nagging sense for a while that something was off but it wasn't until reading all of these pages that it all began to click.
I'm mad at myself that I spent years being jealous of her and wondering why I didn't have the close family relationships, the perfect marriage, the fun sounding dinner clubs, the super-close best friends, etc, that she had. She made it look like she was excelling in every relationship and in every department, and it left me feeling lame in comparison.
Now I look at the kind of person she has become, and I think why was I jealous? No I haven't had Botox or plastic surgery or amazing fun trips by myself or with my besties, but I have a husband and children who love me and we eat nearly every meal together; I have sisters and a couple close friends who I text and laugh with daily and grab a meal together when we can; I have a safe and loving home and a church that makes me feel like I belong; and I am thankful for my simple life of love and blessings. Jen made me feel like crap for a long time and I'm not going to let her do it anymore...


Same here! I really struggled with friendships in my 30s. Our big sis Jen kept yelling, "friendship is easy! Just show up for people!" I felt like I'd show up for people all the time - bring them food when a family member passed, check in on people, pay attention to other people's lives - and yet when my family went through a major ordeal, barely any of those people showed up for me. One day I realized that whenever Jen talks about showing up for others, she gives examples of when people showed up for HER. I've never heard her share a story about when SHE sat with someone going through a divorce or built a friend a porch bed (seriously WTF). That's when it hit me how much she uses people, because it takes a lot more to find good friends than just throwing a pizza oven in your backyard.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 19:45     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:
Well this comment is everything. I would pay money for someone to post those words on her next Facebook post. I've also really been thinking lately that I wish someone would post a link to this thread, on her page. I'm sure it would get the person blocked for doing so, but it would be really nice to help point the other Jen followers to this gold mine of a thread. I had the nagging sense for a while that something was off but it wasn't until reading all of these pages that it all began to click.
I'm mad at myself that I spent years being jealous of her and wondering why I didn't have the close family relationships, the perfect marriage, the fun sounding dinner clubs, the super-close best friends, etc, that she had. She made it look like she was excelling in every relationship and in every department, and it left me feeling lame in comparison.
Now I look at the kind of person she has become, and I think why was I jealous? No I haven't had Botox or plastic surgery or amazing fun trips by myself or with my besties, but I have a husband and children who love me and we eat nearly every meal together; I have sisters and a couple close friends who I text and laugh with daily and grab a meal together when we can; I have a safe and loving home and a church that makes me feel like I belong; and I am thankful for my simple life of love and blessings. Jen made me feel like crap for a long time and I'm not going to let her do it anymore...


I've totally been there, sister. I spent way too many years feeling this way and now I'm too "old" to even care. I have my core group of friends that I talk to over text maybe once every few weeks. I just don't have time for any of what she's been peddling and I no longer care. It's pretty liberating and I wasted most of my 30s feeling sad that I didn't have that. 40s? Way, way better...

I went back and read her post from 2013 about being the worst end of school year mom ever. THAT is the Jen I loved and completely related to as I raised many children myself and suffered through the stupid theme days at school, throwing crap into lunch boxes and calling it good in May...freaking loved that Jen! THAT is real life.

I don't even recognize the Jen that exists on facebook anymore. I'm in the trenches of raising multiple teenagers - Jr. High, High School, and College now...would love to follow someone online I can relate to again. I'll take suggestions!
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 19:18     Subject: Jen Hatmaker
Anonymous wrote:And esp with teens I can see the end on the horizon. To yeet out of that time seems so wasteful and silly. ?


I wondered about this when she announced this year’s me camp. Like, isn’t Ben leaving for college? Don’t you want to spend as much time as you can because after they leave,even if they come home for summers, it’s never quite the same. I don’t mean soak up every single minute every day as they have their friends and stuff to do and places to go and probably a job. But still be there to have supper a few times a week, go a few places or just be home when they are.

I don’t mean to project my experience on any one else, but I treasured every moment the summer after my kids graduated and then left. Even if there were only a few hours here and there. For all I know he’s spending time with B or already gone. But I did wonder.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2022 16:47     Subject: Re:Jen Hatmaker
Agreed! And another thing to consider as a parent is that when kids are older teenagers or college students there can be times when they still need us and value a listener who loves them and always wants the best! Where is mom? Hopefully not giggling on a rooftop or shilling another case of wine. At least not for a whole month, Jen.These times with my kids, almost all grown, are some of the sweetest memories for me.