Anonymous wrote:Not enough of you were jumped in HS and it shows.

Look out everybody we got an internet bad ass over here. Don’t mind that he’s 5’7 and overweight in real life 🙄

I own a large title company in the area. I am completely dumbfounded by the amount of help people get from parents. I would say the majority of first time buyers get help. For some it’s a few grand. Most commonly the white down payment which can range from 3.5% for fha to 20%. Many get the delta between the loan they can afford (ie $300k) and the home costs where they are buying (ie $500k). Others get $2M-$3M houses. Literally the majority.

Not enough of you were jumped in HS and it shows.

Informal poll: do you have a different perspective on this kind of gifting based on parents social status when you or they were growing up?

My parents both grew up working poor; my mom on the verge of poverty. They became lower/middle middle class with civil servant jobs. My dad was super cheap... My mom instilled a value of self reliance. I got a hs job at 14, got a merit scholarship to college, saved for my first purchase with no help. Doing fine but DH has student loans that has really cut into our lifestyle especially early on.

On the flip side..my moms first cousins grew up upper middle class. Their kids (my generation) upper middle class and then some. Those kids fully expected $400k downpayment from the bank of mom and dad. Full payment of summer camps for
Kids, vacations , cars etc. It wasn’t an ask, it was a given..

My grandmother gave me 10K on the condition that I buy a house with it. I took it and bought. I sold that house when it was up nearly 100k in three years. Bought another townhouse because I didn't have enough cash to put 20% down on a single family. Then the 2007 market crash hit. If I had waited to sell the first house, I would have lost her 10k. The second townhouse fell 20% in value instead of the 32% that the first townhouse fell in the same time frame from when we sold it to the market bottom. That second townhouse has nearly recovered its total value. We made up the loss in purchase price by renting it out continuously.

That experience has soured me on contingent family financial gifts. Where you live is such a personal choice, and when families make contingent gifts to adult children, they put them at risk of bearing a financial loss when the do not have the earning potential to support such a loss. It's great when it works out, and it works out better for most people, but not always, and real estate has risks just like any other investment.

I don't think that paying rent is throwing away money at all. What if your adult child qualifies for rent-capped apartments in their first years of working? Once they no longer qualify, we'll see. I never want them to feel limited by my generosity or to take on too much risk because I am trying to control how they use a gift that I give them.

With that said, that grandmother was very generous and wise. She passed away, had trusts in place, and had named me beneficiary, but I did not receive what she had intended for me. My father took it. I chose not to pursue legal action. I found out much too late. I wonder if she gave me this gift because she was suspicious that something like this would happen. I appreciate her attempts to remember me. It was the best she could do.

A PP here. Thanking to when my kids are older, I can’t really think of a better investment than to help them buy a house. As a family, we get to build equity rather than throwing money away on rent, they can live somewhere other than a starter home, so avoid the transaction costs of moving. At least as of now, my teenagers are super responsible, hard-working individuals. They are smart, organized and driven. I didn’t best in them over the market any day of the week. To the extent I can support their ability to focus on their education and jobs, I think that’s actually for the best. with my particular kids, I don’t feel that they need to be scrappy or to prove that they can make it on their own.They are both straight a students, have a good groups of friends, do extracurriculars, and our self starters in volunteering to do things in the neighborhood. in terms of where I put my money, they beat the Dow every time.

My parents did not help pay for my first home, but an inheritance from my grandmother did, so certainly well given from family. It allowed me to invest in a home about a year earlier than I otherwise would have, and to build equity. That leader flipped over into our next home, and our next. My parents also paid for all of my college and law school tuition and board for college. I worked throughout, but they clearly paid almost all. Fast forward, I help to take care of my father, and helped to take care of my mother before her death. I go with my father to medical appointments, take care of all of his bills/finances, driving to church each week, and have helped him move into our neighborhood so that he has a greater quality of life and engagement with his grandkids. I also work extraordinarily hard, as many do. I earn multiples of what my parents did and have established well funded 529s both for my kids and my sisters’. So now I am able to take my father on trips, have him to our beach house for weeks at a time, and ensure he has everything he needs or wants (mot hard as he doesn’t want much). I plan to do the same fir my kids and grandkids. And, notable, my grandparents did all they could to help my parents, whether to pay for homes (all were relatively poor but chipped in), taking care of kids, really anything. Then my parents took care of my grandparents when the time came , having one grandparent move in with our nuclear family for over a decade, and helping extensively with the day to day care of another.

I do not believe that there is a right or wrong way for families to interact when it comes to finances or other forms of assistance, reliance or other ways of being intertwined. Some families and cultures take great pride in the independence of a particular generation or nuclear family or a couple. Others take great pride in the success of the overall family line. In my family, parents have made great efforts to support their children and getting to the next level, whether economically or in terms of education or access to opportunities. I don’t view that as infantilizing their children. Each generation has pretty far advance the ball for the next generation. I hope to do the same, and my teenagers understand. my kids are very privileged and know it, so of course none of us fully know our full privilege. Instead of squandering it, though, they understand that it comes with responsibility, both to their families and to try to do some good in the world. Again, lots of ways to raise children and families, but the idea that inter-generational wealth transfer is abhorrent or infantilizing has not played out in my family or our community.

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.

You said a 400K gift only made your life a little easier. Please. I would love to see you try to buy a house with your own means and no help from mommy and daddy. And sure, keep telling yourself it’s because you work hard.

And who is the poster who thinks that white people can’t be called out for being tone deaf and ignorant without turning it into a race issue. Racism is a problem. Police brutality is a problem. Discrimination is a problem. Lack of inter generational wealth is a problem. Literally no one said it is not. But you’re changing the subject and attacking me for criticizing another poster for her tone deaf and generally entitled perspective because you think somehow that makes me racist and entitled as well and unconcerned about the challenges faced by people of color? When in fact you don’t even know my race or background? Ok....

God you are pathetic. It just keeps getting worse. One thing you’ll learn eventually is that harboring all of this anger towards others and the universe does nothing to change your situation — it just digs you into a deeper hole of patheticness (is that even a word? Whatever.)

I don’t think there is a pre-requisite for home ownership that you must have “earned” it. Frankly, much of life is not what you “deserve” but the hand you are dealt. This doesn’t negate natural consequences and valuing hard work and etc... just saying that there is a logic fallacy in stating that people “act like they earned something they didn’t” as if that is a problem or even relevant to how someone should or shouldn’t behave about their own home, regardless of where the purchase funds come from.

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.

DP here, just so you know, if you ever tried that line about "working your tail off" on me irl, I would never take you seriously again. I respect your hard work, but lots of people work hard. That doesn't entitle you to anything. I think I'm the kind of person you would not think twice to say that to and it would seriously cross you off my list.

NP, but when the PP said she worked her tail off I didn’t take that to mean she thinks she’s therefore entitled to all of this, but that in addition to the gifts and privilege, she also works hard - because many posters here suggest that if you are given large sums of money and/or houses you will be lazy.

Wealth has a way of making people forget about others’ suffering. As an African American whose parents are millionaires I can sadly tell you that my rich black parents are blind to the wealth gap. Rich people, regardless of race or geographic border for the most part think alike...

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.

You said a 400K gift only made your life a little easier. Please. I would love to see you try to buy a house with your own means and no help from mommy and daddy. And sure, keep telling yourself it’s because you work hard.

And who is the poster who thinks that white people can’t be called out for being tone deaf and ignorant without turning it into a race issue. Racism is a problem. Police brutality is a problem. Discrimination is a problem. Lack of inter generational wealth is a problem. Literally no one said it is not. But you’re changing the subject and attacking me for criticizing another poster for her tone deaf and generally entitled perspective because you think somehow that makes me racist and entitled as well and unconcerned about the challenges faced by people of color? When in fact you don’t even know my race or background? Ok....

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.

DP here, just so you know, if you ever tried that line about "working your tail off" on me irl, I would never take you seriously again. I respect your hard work, but lots of people work hard. That doesn't entitle you to anything. I think I'm the kind of person you would not think twice to say that to and it would seriously cross you off my list.

What a terrible loss 🙄

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.

DP here, just so you know, if you ever tried that line about "working your tail off" on me irl, I would never take you seriously again. I respect your hard work, but lots of people work hard. That doesn't entitle you to anything. I think I'm the kind of person you would not think twice to say that to and it would seriously cross you off my list.

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Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

I didn't use the words "little gift" anywhere. I did, however, say we "are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life". Reading comprehension is hard, especially when you're angry and bitter.