Public students can't write for sh*t, don't know how to act in public, are awful speakers, and I don't care if your child is top 1% of the school—which there is no guarantee they will be—your child *will* be negatively influenced by the trashy obnoxious underachieving masses who rule the school.

Anonymous wrote:There is just something about a friendship that is formed in grade school and continues through HS. In K, it doesn’t matter to Mary that Malia’s dad is the POTUS. If Mary were to have a play date with Malia and meet her dad at 5 she would probably refer to him as Malia’s dad. Maybe Mary and Malia remain friends through HS. As a senior Mary finds herself wanting to apply to the Naval Academy and she needs a recommendation. On night during dinner Mary asks Malia’s dad if he will write it on her behalf. Malia’s dad has watched Mary grow up with his daughter. He can write a true testament to her character and abilities. Do you really think that if Mary is on the bubble for admission, a recommendation from a former POTUS wouldn’t push her into the admit category?


That’s what elite private schools get you in life—access to people that have influence long before it ever can be construed as any other than a true friendship.

Ok. I work at an elite university. If I got a recommendation from a student’s friend’s dad — I don’t care if he is Jesus or the King of England — that would be an automatic no for me. It’s going to be one paragraph, half of which is explaining that they were asked to write and then a few sentences about what a nice kid s/he is in the most generic terms possible. The more prestigious the person writing and the more personal the relationship, the more transparent the ploy. Please do not do this to your child. We no longer live in a court-based aristocracy. I am looking for real details about what makes your child stand out. Not how s/he behaved on play dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

+1

It's both. They are not mutually exclusive. I went to private schools all my life. My DH did not. We are sending our kids to a Big-3. In my experience, the really excellent private schools provide students with:
1) The ability to write well-researched papers, properly formatted, with correct citations
2) Significant practice engaging in conversation in a classroom
3) Comfort conversing with adults outside the classroom
4) Understanding that engaging with faculty during office hours is a normal thing, not something you do in an emergency
5) Confidence that comes with competence
6) Educated exposure to fine arts, music, theater, and some sports
7) Expectation of self-advocacy
8) Time-management skills. There are hours and hours of homework at competitive private schools.
9) The ability to read and assess a lot of material quickly
10) Not being impressed by people who are really smart and work hard; this is the norm, not the exception. This can backfire because when private school kids are exposed to "the real world," they are in for a shock.

Great answer.

Op, for us it feels like our DC might have struggled for years with learning to read and behavior issues in public school, and these have been able to be addressed in a private school setting because of the small class sizes and commitment to work with the parents.

Our DC went to our excellent public K, but as DC went through the year, I get like there was a problem with DC’s reading and behavior. I reached out to the teacher multiple times to ask about both and was told DC was meeting grade level standards and behavior was normal. We decided to move DC to private.

Meanwhile, I signed DC up to get tested for dyslexia and ADHD based on my own instincts. DC has mild versions of both, but the testing showed DC was not at grade level for reading and the teacher (who assured us DCs behavior was typical) rated DC as having clinically significant problems with attention and following rules.

Long story short, DC needed a bit extra support in the classroom for a year or two form the teacher as they learned coping strategies for attention and reading. DC has blossomed and we finally feel like their performance at school is matching their potential. More than that, the teachers and staff have been amazing partners with us in supporting DC. I can’t tell you how helpful their detailed emails or phone calls about DC have been in ensuring we can provide the support DC needed. I truly feel that DC would not be set up for academic success without this support.

We now have all our kids in private because we see how much that personal attention can elevate a child’s education. I understand that not all kids have special needs, but the larger point is that at our private school we feel like we have a whole team to help us support our kids. I wish it didn’t taking paying for private school to have this support, since all kids would benefit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

+1

It's both. They are not mutually exclusive. I went to private schools all my life. My DH did not. We are sending our kids to a Big-3. In my experience, the really excellent private schools provide students with:
1) The ability to write well-researched papers, properly formatted, with correct citations
2) Significant practice engaging in conversation in a classroom
3) Comfort conversing with adults outside the classroom
4) Understanding that engaging with faculty during office hours is a normal thing, not something you do in an emergency
5) Confidence that comes with competence
6) Educated exposure to fine arts, music, theater, and some sports
7) Expectation of self-advocacy
8) Time-management skills. There are hours and hours of homework at competitive private schools.
9) The ability to read and assess a lot of material quickly
10) Not being impressed by people who are really smart and work hard; this is the norm, not the exception. This can backfire because when private school kids are exposed to "the real world," they are in for a shock.

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I went to private. For the kids who had rich parents, it provided them with a similar SES social group. For us poorer, LMC kids, it provided us with a better education (except for stem) and almost a monastic existence devoted only to studying.

THIS!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

Of course it has to do with access to wealth. What do the majority of independent private schools have in common?
A private school buys you a community of families with similar values regarding education and the financial means to pay for their child to get it.

I'm so tired of the conflating being wealthy with high value education. Gimme a break. It's moreso about connections, status, and social capital more than anything.

I meant valuing* education. The college scandal is proof of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

Of course it has to do with access to wealth. What do the majority of independent private schools have in common?
A private school buys you a community of families with similar values regarding education and the financial means to pay for their child to get it.

I'm so tired of the conflating being wealthy with high value education. Gimme a break. It's moreso about connections, status, and social capital more than anything.

Anonymous wrote:So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.

Of course it has to do with access to wealth. What do the majority of independent private schools have in common?
A private school buys you a community of families with similar values regarding education and the financial means to pay for their child to get it.