Anonymous wrote:I’m currently a Sahm, my youngest is 4 and in preschool 9-1 weekdays. At the beginning of the year I posted to FB that I loved the peace and quiet of doing nothing from 9-1 now that Larlo is in preschool. Our neighbor, a single dad who, tagged my DH and jokingly asked, what do you think about this, Bob? And, Time for a part-time job? It’s almost like he’s uncomfortable with it and jabs me about it often. My DH has spoken up and said it makes sense, I’ve pointed out that it works for us now, etc.

Our school is doing construction and will have some planned early releases next week. It happens to be neighbors week with his son. He’s now asking if I would grab his son too. Of course, if I was working my kids would go to SACC and I wouldn’t be able to help. But since I SAH, it’s convenient for me to grab his son, isn’t it?

Am I right to say no AND point out that he’s contradicted himself? Or is this petty? It just feels like the perfect opportunity to just be like, now do you get it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently a Sahm, my youngest is 4 and in preschool 9-1 weekdays. At the beginning of the year I posted to FB that I loved the peace and quiet of doing nothing from 9-1 now that Larlo is in preschool. Our neighbor, a single dad who, tagged my DH and jokingly asked, what do you think about this, Bob? And, Time for a part-time job? It’s almost like he’s uncomfortable with it and jabs me about it often. My DH has spoken up and said it makes sense, I’ve pointed out that it works for us now, etc.

Our school is doing construction and will have some planned early releases next week. It happens to be neighbors week with his son. He’s now asking if I would grab his son too. Of course, if I was working my kids would go to SACC and I wouldn’t be able to help. But since I SAH, it’s convenient for me to grab his son, isn’t it?

Am I right to say no AND point out that he’s contradicted himself? Or is this petty? It just feels like the perfect opportunity to just be like, now do you get it?

I would definitely say no and tell him you’re too busy looking for that part time job he suggested.

And yes, stop posting your joy on social media.

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Anonymous wrote:So much hatefulness and anger on this thread.

I think that is a bit strong and just adds fuel to the fire. There are a few PPs that go too far, but there also are a number of perspectives shared that people could gain something from if they'd stop being defensive for a minute and projecting their own stuff all over the other PPs.

The simple answer to OP's questions are, yes, OP is petty, but, of course, she is under no obligation to help the neighbor. The last part is true whether she's petty or not.

The people defending her FB post are just as tone-deaf as she is. The fact is that most people of her age work because they have to and, in some cases, because they want to. In jobs outside the home, you don't get four hours in the middle of the day to yourself, so the majority of people seeing her post are going to roll their eyes at it. Her FB post was braggy and in poor taste. Was the neighbor's response equally tasteless? It would appear so on the face of things. However, based on OPs subsequent responses, she sound like a real pill. Maybe the neighbor had a bad moment in response to her constant BS. Maybe he's just stupid with his humor. We don't know, we don't know him, we don't know her. All we have to go on is her OP which is biased in her favor. The wailing about how awful his joke is are really overboard.

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Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

I am the PP who conflated highly educated with ambitious. Usually (though not always) people who are highly educated are always ambitious, but it’s possible that once they’ve completed that education, they might get burnt out, lose their ambition, and decide to be a housewife. I personally do not know any highly educated housewives. I do know doctors with school-aged kids who’ve cut back to 2-3 days a week, lawyers who work 15-20 hours a week. Barring any serious health/family issues, highly educated / ambitious women aren’t satisfied with a life of gym, errands, and PTA.

Do yourself a favor and stop. talking.

Why does it trigger you so much to be called unambitious? I'm somewhat ambitious - I would never not work barring a catastrophe, and I don't "need to" financially - but plenty of women are far more ambitious than I am. So what?

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Anonymous wrote:I am a SAH wife with kids who are in school. I have a lot of help. I love my life. My DH loves how relaxing it is for him to come home. My kids have a jam packed schedule but they also appreciate the convenience of having mom present at home.

Our life is going swimmingly. I have my hobbies and causes and my life has the pace that works for me and my family. I am highly educated and I continue to educate myself, just for the heck of it. I don't have to discuss my life with my friends or neighbors or ex-coworkers or family. I am not on social media and I do not give explanations to people.

OP, embrace your life as it is and do not talk about it or explain it. These decisions are family decisions - strictly between your DH and you.

I doubt you are highly educated because no one who is ambitious would want to be a housewife whose sole existence is to serve her husband and kids and make their lives more convenient. The highly educated SAHMs are at home with young kids but start doing something meaningful once their kids are in school.

You do realize people's social circles are different, right? I'm not PP but I am a highly educated SAHM of school age kids. A handful of my mom friends went back to work when our youngest hit K but most didn't. All but one of us have graduate degrees including law and medical degrees. You could make the argument that we are by default (no longer) ambitious but you can't say we aren't highly educated just because we left the workforce.

+1
Or we simply realized what is important to us in life. You are very replaceable at your job, no matter what it is. Very few people look back at the end of the day and wish they had worked more. Quite honestly your assessment that SAHMs are not ambitious only reflects poorly on you.

DP. By definition, if you choose to remain at home and not work once your children are in school full-time, you are not ambitious. This is a basic observation. The only thing that would potentially reflect poorly on someone might be how they feel about people who are not ambitious, but not the fact that they point out the obvious. Not everyone needs to be ambitious, that's okay.

Some individuals are more replaceable than others, but regardless, many people find great satisfaction from their work. And even for those who might not, I'd like to see how happy the wealthy SAHMs would feel if there weren't people out there providing medical care for their precious children, not just doctors, but nurses and all the other laboratory and administrative staff that keep offices and hospitals running, or if the people who work at power plants, water treatment plants, city governments, county governments, grocery stores, farms, and on and on, all just decided their jobs just weren't important? You rely on the hard work of tons of people you will never meet EVERY SINGLE DAY for your cushy life. The simple fact is that you allow someone else to support you at a time when your children no longer need your immediate care for upwards of six hours a day.

It reflects poorly on you that, in your defensiveness, you start your comment with an assertion that only moms who stay home even after their children are in school have discovered what is important in life. How arrogant of you.

I am the PP who conflated highly educated with ambitious. Usually (though not always) people who are highly educated are always ambitious, but it’s possible that once they’ve completed that education, they might get burnt out, lose their ambition, and decide to be a housewife. I personally do not know any highly educated housewives. I do know doctors with school-aged kids who’ve cut back to 2-3 days a week, lawyers who work 15-20 hours a week. Barring any serious health/family issues, highly educated / ambitious women aren’t satisfied with a life of gym, errands, and PTA.

Do yourself a favor and stop. talking.

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Anonymous wrote:All these threads and all these arguments come down to the same conclusion: people who are happy in life and secure with their choices do not worry about whether or why other people do it differently.

Happy SAHMs don't judge working moms.
Happy working moms don't judge SAHMs.

People happy with their own life balance don't get angry, defensive, and judgmental very easily!

Very true.

Yep.
(Pp above needs to process this).

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Anonymous wrote:To everybody saying relax it’s a joke and that she’s overreacting would be flipping their lives if a mother-in-law had said that.

This

I wouldn’t because she’d be right.

I wouldn't have said what OP said, and certainly not to my MIL. "Hey, MIL, it's so great that your son will keep going to work every day while I sit around the house with nothing to do!"

The neighbor's comment was not a joke. It was an attempt to shame a woman in front of her spouse and social community. It was misogynistic and inappropriate, and shame on those of you who think that it is ok or funny or those of you saying the OP was at fault. Let us please not promote this false narrative that SAHMs must be personally tending to their children at all the times of every day or they are somehow "less than" and worthy of public ridicule.

When I was SAH and put my kid in part day pre-school, my mother and my MIL said "do the five day option, not the three day option." Sorry your MIL is such a bitch and doesn't support your overall well-being.

I wonder if WOHMs would laugh at jokes about the baby getting confused if the nanny was the mom or not. Or jokes about daycare raising your kids. Or jokes that grandma sees the kids more than you do. Etc.

The fragility is intense on this thread. Yet, these same people insist on their god-given right to put down SAHMS and make “jokes” about their ambition, laziness and whatever the new insult of the week happens to be.

You are talking about the fragility of the SAHMs as well, I hope. Also on full display. That you would equate someone making a joke about getting a job when someone just bragged about having hours of free time in the middle of the day with a joke about how a baby wouldn't know it's own mother indicates you shouldn't talk about anyone else's fragility or appropriateness. Those things aren't even remotely equivalent. WTF?

Instead of attacking other mothers, maybe we should all reflect on how unfair and stupid it is that we are made to feel this fragile and defensive about our choices in the first place. I don't see any dads are on here belittling each other to make themselves feel better about their choices!!! WTF women? If you want to get indignant and angry, throw your shade in the right direction and stop tearing each other down.