Anonymous wrote:My sister’s DIL contacted her recently to request that she take down just one of the three pictures she’d posted on FB of the baby’s first bday. Why? He was crying in the picture (did not want anything to do with his smash cake). My sister complied but we both thought her reasoning was frighteningly controlling- Baby is usually happy! We don’t want to put those kind of pictures on social media because he’s not really like that. It made me terrified of the way she’s curating her kid’s life. Basically- he’s not allowed to cry? Because it reflects badly (she thinks) on her. What should my sister have done in this situation? She replied, well, I’ve never had anyone ask to censor my posts before, but ooookaaay. (More nicely than this but this was the gist)

This makes me want to call out your sister (and you for not seeing it for the manipulation) because it's just the passive-aggressive maneuver my MIL pulls. Have an adult conversation with the DIL. No one has to agree with the mom's reasoning, but keep your snark in check.

And you personally were terrified about the child's social media presence being curated? Please. Get out of here with tour pearl clutching.

Anonymous wrote:My sister’s DIL contacted her recently to request that she take down just one of the three pictures she’d posted on FB of the baby’s first bday. Why? He was crying in the picture (did not want anything to do with his smash cake). My sister complied but we both thought her reasoning was frighteningly controlling- Baby is usually happy! We don’t want to put those kind of pictures on social media because he’s not really like that. It made me terrified of the way she’s curating her kid’s life. Basically- he’s not allowed to cry? Because it reflects badly (she thinks) on her. What should my sister have done in this situation? She replied, well, I’ve never had anyone ask to censor my posts before, but ooookaaay. (More nicely than this but this was the gist)

Someone is judging that DIL.

Maybe it is her own fatigue or insecurity.


My family is reealllly snarky and when I didn't pile on to some snark (making fun of my brother's wife) I was told that sense of humor must have genetically skipped me.

My mom used to put photos from my FB on her wall, and imply that she was the one who took them on the outing (think about boats, sports, parks) while she rarely spent time with them.
I was like "Grandma poker chips" to have photos for kids, and her other friends were more invested time-wise.

We had a HUGE fight once and this was part of the agenda.

When I explained that it bothered me not for safety, but because it was creating a fantasy of life that isn't real, we changed. I decided to take more pictures of her when she was around and post them to social media, which made her friends covet her lifestyle, which was actually the Goal.

It got better.

Just don't make a million "when I have kids this is how it is going to be" conversations before you are in it. It will just make you upset, in advance, and there will plenty to be upset and tired about later.

I never post pics of DC on FB. I text photos to them instead. All grandparents comply without me having to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister’s DIL contacted her recently to request that she take down just one of the three pictures she’d posted on FB of the baby’s first bday. Why? He was crying in the picture (did not want anything to do with his smash cake). My sister complied but we both thought her reasoning was frighteningly controlling- Baby is usually happy! We don’t want to put those kind of pictures on social media because he’s not really like that. It made me terrified of the way she’s curating her kid’s life. Basically- he’s not allowed to cry? Because it reflects badly (she thinks) on her. What should my sister have done in this situation? She replied, well, I’ve never had anyone ask to censor my posts before, but ooookaaay. (More nicely than this but this was the gist)

This is weird. Would you post a photo of yourself crying? Why not? Why are you censoring yourself and trying to be so controlling about your image? It sounds a little off.

Not quite sure what you mean- it was the baby crying, adorably, at the idea of the cake. Is that really something that would be offensive or off limits for the parents on here who want to tell grandparents what to post and what not to? Srsly asking.

Anonymous wrote:My sister’s DIL contacted her recently to request that she take down just one of the three pictures she’d posted on FB of the baby’s first bday. Why? He was crying in the picture (did not want anything to do with his smash cake). My sister complied but we both thought her reasoning was frighteningly controlling- Baby is usually happy! We don’t want to put those kind of pictures on social media because he’s not really like that. It made me terrified of the way she’s curating her kid’s life. Basically- he’s not allowed to cry? Because it reflects badly (she thinks) on her. What should my sister have done in this situation? She replied, well, I’ve never had anyone ask to censor my posts before, but ooookaaay. (More nicely than this but this was the gist)

This is weird. Would you post a photo of yourself crying? Why not? Why are you censoring yourself and trying to be so controlling about your image? It sounds a little off.

Anonymous wrote:My FIL had my children's photo as his profile photo on FB...and every time he makes an asinine political rant, it's my children in his photo. I told him to take it down. Make your comments using your own face.

This happened to me except with my mom. I did not want my daughter’s innocent face next to those vile comments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be that daughter in law. Selfish.

Plus 1

+1

-1 million

Don't be a dickhead FIL/MIL

My sister’s DIL contacted her recently to request that she take down just one of the three pictures she’d posted on FB of the baby’s first bday. Why? He was crying in the picture (did not want anything to do with his smash cake). My sister complied but we both thought her reasoning was frighteningly controlling- Baby is usually happy! We don’t want to put those kind of pictures on social media because he’s not really like that. It made me terrified of the way she’s curating her kid’s life. Basically- he’s not allowed to cry? Because it reflects badly (she thinks) on her. What should my sister have done in this situation? She replied, well, I’ve never had anyone ask to censor my posts before, but ooookaaay. (More nicely than this but this was the gist)

I would let them know that you aren't going to be sharing their pics on social media. If they break your rule, just stop sending pics.

If you post your kid's pics on social media but don't want anyone else too, then you are on asshole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't be that daughter in law. Selfish.

Plus 1

+1

My FIL had my children's photo as his profile photo on FB...and every time he makes an asinine political rant, it's my children in his photo. I told him to take it down. Make your comments using your own face.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a big deal to ask them not to post your child’s photos on social media. Personally I never post pictures of anyone’s children without their explicit consent because many, many people do not want their kids’ pics out there.

This is common practice amongst parents.

Also, it goes both ways. My mother is actually ordered me in an authoritarian manner not to post pictures of her on my one social media account out of the blue. She rarely even allows me to take a picture with her in it. I thought she was expressing her wishes and I follow them. It's not a big ask and my personal feelings do not come into it at all.

Good for you for wanting to establish boundaries. I personally would probably wait until you were closer to actually having a baby though. That way it doesn't seem out of the blue or like you're picking on her. I'm just thinking about my MIL and I know it would hurt her feelings (eyeroll). In our family we definitely don't allow pictures of our kids be shared in that way.

My mother used to share pictures of our kids on facebook a long time ago. At first I chose not make a big stink about it but then I saw that she was friends with several of her exes some of whom have been in and out of prison for various reasons. Once I thought about the fact that one of those individuals could have pictures of my kids the decision felt obvious.

Anonymous wrote:Great video that shows the damage of "sharenting"

https://youtu.be/YRPUZ3pufAg

I think it's awesome in France you can sue a parent or anyone who shares too much online about you without permission. They should have that here. Great video.