Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

You should be ashamed of it. It is about the most profound personal failure the average person can have.

The most profound personal failure the average person can have is not being true to themselves. That's personal failure. Staying in a marriage where you feel emotionally abused/drained/detached is a personal failure. Divorce is a failure of two people not communicating, but most certainly not a profound personal failure.

No.

"Staying in a marriage where you feel emotionally abused/drained/detached is a personal failure."

Back up a bit. You did not marry them because they caused you to feel that way (or if you did, that is a different kind of personal failure). That you allowed your relationship with your spouse to degenerate to the point where you feel emotionally abused/drained/detached is a personal failure.

"Divorce is a failure of two people not communicating, but most certainly not a profound personal failure."

LMAO you are making my point for my. Failing to communicate with your spouse - to the point where you decide to divorce them instead of learning to communicate - most certainly IS a profound personal failure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

You should be ashamed of it. It is about the most profound personal failure the average person can have.

The most profound personal failure the average person can have is not being true to themselves. That's personal failure. Staying in a marriage where you feel emotionally abused/drained/detached is a personal failure. Divorce is a failure of two people not communicating, but most certainly not a profound personal failure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

Exactly. That will all change. My dad and step mother ended up being married 25 years before he died. Our family ocean condo that he and my mother picked out ended up with step mother, and everything else. Over the years he put her on the titles...so much for pre-nups. They didn't have kids (thank God!), but she told us years later dad said if she wanted a child he'd be ok with that. He was 50 when he married her! When I told my sister she said she wouldn't have considered that child to be a sibling or family. I felt the same way and probably would have cut off my dad. Our parents had a friendly divorce, he met 2nd wife 5 years later yet it still changed the dynamics of our family in a very negative way. I understand divorce can't be avoided sometimes, but often the parents put strangers above their own blood. It happened with us, and I see it everyday. Then idiots that have more kids after already having a family do even more harm. We were all adults yet we still talk about it today, the harm that was done. Pretending it doesn't is ridiculous. We never told my dad any of our feelings. What would it have accomplished?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

You should be ashamed of it. It is about the most profound personal failure the average person can have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

You should be ashamed of it. It is about the most profound personal failure the average person can have.

The most profound personal failure the average person can have is not being true to themselves. That's personal failure. Staying in a marriage where you feel emotionally abused/drained/detached is a personal failure. Divorce is a failure of two people not communicating, but most certainly not a profound personal failure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

Exactly. That will all change. My dad and step mother ended up being married 25 years before he died. Our family ocean condo that he and my mother picked out ended up with step mother, and everything else. Over the years he put her on the titles...so much for pre-nups. They didn't have kids (thank God!), but she told us years later dad said if she wanted a child he'd be ok with that. He was 50 when he married her! When I told my sister she said she wouldn't have considered that child to be a sibling or family. I felt the same way and probably would have cut off my dad. Our parents had a friendly divorce, he met 2nd wife 5 years later yet it still changed the dynamics of our family in a very negative way. I understand divorce can't be avoided sometimes, but often the parents put strangers above their own blood. It happened with us, and I see it everyday. Then idiots that have more kids after already having a family do even more harm. We were all adults yet we still talk about it today, the harm that was done. Pretending it doesn't is ridiculous. We never told my dad any of our feelings. What would it have accomplished?

The part about your HHI being impacted is BS. You make it work. I am a high earner, and married another high earning man. So yes, I had a few lean years, but overall bounced right back to where I was, with the exception of now paying my ex $500/month in child support. My ex on the other hand is highly unlikely to meet another woman who makes as much money that will partner him. That’s what he gets for assuming that the gravy train should also be a 50s house wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I the PP who posted about the Aspie STBX - it only takes one person to change a dynamic, and here it was me by deciding to pursue divorce. Amazingly, this has made our communications more civilized. There is some sadness, but both of us know it wasn't working out and there was no more "trying" harder, so there is also relief.

I trust him generally as a father, and ongoing parenting classes and family counseling is part of our custody plan. He is already very involved with our kids and there is zero concern for abuse.

Longer term, I can see being a resource for him - not as a wife, but as a family member. Also - just as if we were still married, he has to manage his own relationship with the kids. If he wants a positive relationship with them when they are older and have more a choice, then he needs to work on that. If he is a PITA, then my children have a choice of not dealing with him as a difficult old person. I am not going to impose that guilt on them.

What about your guilt for forcing your kids to manage their aspie dad without you around to mediate?

Nice job throwing them under the bus...

+1. Seems like you're putting your children to a hard choice, especially if they have children and want the children to know their grandfather.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

You should be ashamed of it. It is about the most profound personal failure the average person can have.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce shaming on this thread is unbelievable.
Bet these people consider themselves progressive. Ha!

Anonymous wrote:Re: HHI - it's funny how, generally, we consider it crass to marry for money, but that money is touted as a legitimate reason to stay together, once married.

Like love and companionship is important until married. But if you've fallen out of love or your DS is a shitty companion - but s/he hasn't cheated on you, hit you, or isn't addicted - then you should stay married.

Seems like a pretty low, and demeaning, bar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!

Exactly. That will all change. My dad and step mother ended up being married 25 years before he died. Our family ocean condo that he and my mother picked out ended up with step mother, and everything else. Over the years he put her on the titles...so much for pre-nups. They didn't have kids (thank God!), but she told us years later dad said if she wanted a child he'd be ok with that. He was 50 when he married her! When I told my sister she said she wouldn't have considered that child to be a sibling or family. I felt the same way and probably would have cut off my dad. Our parents had a friendly divorce, he met 2nd wife 5 years later yet it still changed the dynamics of our family in a very negative way. I understand divorce can't be avoided sometimes, but often the parents put strangers above their own blood. It happened with us, and I see it everyday. Then idiots that have more kids after already having a family do even more harm. We were all adults yet we still talk about it today, the harm that was done. Pretending it doesn't is ridiculous. We never told my dad any of our feelings. What would it have accomplished?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be the booty call of lots of a$$holes you will find online. You will certainly catch HPV.

You will not get married again, unless you find a man in the same situation as you. Your next spouse will probably be 15 years older than you or more.

You will be doing the childcaring on your own. Your kids will get messed up and need therapy. Your DH will move on and have a new family.

Your HHI will be impacted. It is rough out there.

PP here. I got HPV from my husband. 50% of women get it by age 50. Not a big deal.
Who cares about getting remarried? Never again.
50/50 custody—I will be doing less childcare, actually
Kids will not need therapy. They will be fine. Their life will not change that much.
(I am messed up from parents who stayed married in a terrible marriage.)
DH is done with kids. Unlikely to remarry ever: but if he does, I am ok with it. He will get a prenup to protect kids’ assets.
Who cares about HHI? Yes, it will be less. But I am 40% of the wealth. My quality of life will decrease. It is worth the emotional cost of staying in a marriage wasting more years that will ultimately end in divorce anyway.

You are making huge assumptions about divorce that are not universally true.

LOL, you think you can tell in advance that they won't need therapy? What a joke. Nobody can predict that. And double LOL to the idea your DH and his new wife will agree to a prenup. New wives look out for their own children first. It is you making huge assumptions!