Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 17:22     Subject: I think I regret having kids
I love my daughter dearly and would not change a thing -- but yes I understand OP. I've lost so much of my self since becoming a mother (or maybe its just that I've become someone else) and sometimes I do think about other things I could be doing.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 16:52     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Holy shlt. I posted this thread over 7 months ago, who resurrected it?!

Honestly it hurts my heart to read the first post. I feel so sad for myself at that stage. Two kids hit me like a semi truck, after being thrilled with one amd happy to have a second, I hit a very rough patch. My second baby refused bottles, slept poorly, and my oldest regressed in a lot of ways. Last summer was the worst time of my entire life.

Many people here were supportive and I'm grateful to you. Some of you were cruel and I only hope you raise your children with more empathy than you demonstrated here.

I am happy to say that 7 months later, it's definitely still a tough "new normal " but I am so happy and love my kids very much. I can't imagine life without them. Going back to work helped (I posted this on mat leave) as did both of them getting older. Sleep got better, tantrums subsided, crying stopped. My 3 yo is now a much more mature, awesome kid and my 10 mo is a delight who never stops smiling. I have reclaimed some old hobbies and most importantly I sleep kore than 2 hours at a time.

I still am tired.and have tough days but I don't feel regret over my kids at all anymore. In fact its hard to even imagine that I ever feel this way, except that I saw this thread and felt a jolt of recognition.

So there's your update dcum. If you were cruel in this thread, take a long look at the kind of person you are and want to be. A


I am SO happy things got better, OP. There are so many snapshots in time over the years of parenthood that could be captioned joy or regret. You were in the middle of a biggie regret snapshot. I'm in the middle of the teen years which definitely can bring some low troughs. But we made the choice to have kids for a reason, and at the end of the day those reasons usually win.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 12:02     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Holy shlt. I posted this thread over 7 months ago, who resurrected it?!

Honestly it hurts my heart to read the first post. I feel so sad for myself at that stage. Two kids hit me like a semi truck, after being thrilled with one amd happy to have a second, I hit a very rough patch. My second baby refused bottles, slept poorly, and my oldest regressed in a lot of ways. Last summer was the worst time of my entire life.

Many people here were supportive and I'm grateful to you. Some of you were cruel and I only hope you raise your children with more empathy than you demonstrated here.

I am happy to say that 7 months later, it's definitely still a tough "new normal " but I am so happy and love my kids very much. I can't imagine life without them. Going back to work helped (I posted this on mat leave) as did both of them getting older. Sleep got better, tantrums subsided, crying stopped. My 3 yo is now a much more mature, awesome kid and my 10 mo is a delight who never stops smiling. I have reclaimed some old hobbies and most importantly I sleep kore than 2 hours at a time.

I still am tired.and have tough days but I don't feel regret over my kids at all anymore. In fact its hard to even imagine that I ever feel this way, except that I saw this thread and felt a jolt of recognition.

So there's your update dcum. If you were cruel in this thread, take a long look at the kind of person you are and want to be. A


Wonderful OP!! Yes that was what I was saying in an earlier post that most parents really are not lying when they say they are happy! I certainly am, and my friends are - yes I do know - absolutely.

So yes I remember that stage (I am the poster with two teen boys) and so I also had a baby and a toddler. They were SO rambunctious! I was SO tired but happy at the same time. I remember a random grandparent telling me my boys were like puppies. Jumping up and down, smiling, getting hugs from the teachers.

Anyway, it's often been tiring throughout the years - but absolutely so happy to have them. They are very sweet and really they are the best part of my life - and yes I do have friends, travel, work full-time etc!

Thanks for your update, so nice to hear.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 10:34     Subject: I think I regret having kids
Thanks for your update OP! I remember posting when my only child was a young toddler. We were staying with my parents, and my DC had a virus and was puking everywhere. My mom was out of town and my dad was (is) a drunk and could not help me. DH was deployed. I remember honestly posting about feeling like my child would be better off if I sent him to my brother and SIL to be raised with my nephew. I really felt that way. I longed for my single life in my bachelorette condo. Fast forward a few years, my dad is still a drunk, but my my DC is thriving and we are loving life with him.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 09:45     Subject: I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hang in there. I feel that way sometimes, too, but much less so now than a few years ago. The baby and toddler stages are really hard (especially when you have one of each).

My kids are now 6 and 3, and I finally feel like we can see the light. I don't feel so stressed all the time, I actually enjoy them much of the time, we can do things like travel and eat out (sometimes), I usually sleep fairly decently at night, etc. They are sweet together, and they're good kids.

It's okay to feel like you do, and I completely understand the sentiment, but also recognize that you're in the hardest part right now. You do get more of your own life back as time goes on and they get older.

If you really feel like you're struggling, it might help to get see a therapist or join a group. I found that I felt this super intensely when I had PPD -- much more than any time after I got better. I actually dreamed of running away from my family, and I felt like I had ruined my life by having kids. It's okay to feel it a little, but if it gets to that point, you need to get help.


No. Don’t fool yourself or the OP. You never get your previous before kids life back. Ever.
Now, your current life may improve over time but it will never be your previous life.



Sorry to break the news, but things change with time regardless of whether you have kids. Your childfree life at 50 will not be like your childfree life at 25.


Wrong again! My childfree life is even better now at 52 yrs old (semi-retired and rich) then it was at 25. (though also very good at 25 but just starting career then). Sorry to burst your bubble.


How did you get so rich without basic reading comprehension skills? PP said that life changes over time, not that there's anything wrong with your childfree life. What are you so defensive about?
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 08:29     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
I’m glad there was a happy ending for OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 08:01     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
thanks for the update, OP, and good luck!
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 07:50     Subject: I think I regret having kids
I think it's really rare for parents to truly regret having kids. Might you feel that way in a bad moment from time to time? Sure maybe. But overall? I think the number who do is infinitesimal.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 05:34     Subject: I think I regret having kids
Good for you, OP! Thanks for coming back to update us. I’m glad you’ve come out of the fog. Your family sounds wonderful.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2020 05:27     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Hardly, but there is a huge jump from miss sunshine to regretting kids and I'm comfortably in the middle somewhere. It's still tough like I said. The baby has a fever and has slept in 1 hour increments all night, and the 3 yo has decided she's afraid of her room all of a sudden. So not sunshine and rainbows over here at all. I've just come out of a heavy fog that was consuming me in the months after the 2nd was born.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 23:05     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Holy shlt. I posted this thread over 7 months ago, who resurrected it?!

Honestly it hurts my heart to read the first post. I feel so sad for myself at that stage. Two kids hit me like a semi truck, after being thrilled with one amd happy to have a second, I hit a very rough patch. My second baby refused bottles, slept poorly, and my oldest regressed in a lot of ways. Last summer was the worst time of my entire life.

Many people here were supportive and I'm grateful to you. Some of you were cruel and I only hope you raise your children with more empathy than you demonstrated here.

I am happy to say that 7 months later, it's definitely still a tough "new normal " but I am so happy and love my kids very much. I can't imagine life without them. Going back to work helped (I posted this on mat leave) as did both of them getting older. Sleep got better, tantrums subsided, crying stopped. My 3 yo is now a much more mature, awesome kid and my 10 mo is a delight who never stops smiling. I have reclaimed some old hobbies and most importantly I sleep kore than 2 hours at a time.

I still am tired.and have tough days but I don't feel regret over my kids at all anymore. In fact its hard to even imagine that I ever feel this way, except that I saw this thread and felt a jolt of recognition.

So there's your update dcum. If you were cruel in this thread, take a long look at the kind of person you are and want to be. A


Well aren’t you little miss sunshine now?
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 22:03     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Holy shlt. I posted this thread over 7 months ago, who resurrected it?!

Honestly it hurts my heart to read the first post. I feel so sad for myself at that stage. Two kids hit me like a semi truck, after being thrilled with one amd happy to have a second, I hit a very rough patch. My second baby refused bottles, slept poorly, and my oldest regressed in a lot of ways. Last summer was the worst time of my entire life.

Many people here were supportive and I'm grateful to you. Some of you were cruel and I only hope you raise your children with more empathy than you demonstrated here.

I am happy to say that 7 months later, it's definitely still a tough "new normal " but I am so happy and love my kids very much. I can't imagine life without them. Going back to work helped (I posted this on mat leave) as did both of them getting older. Sleep got better, tantrums subsided, crying stopped. My 3 yo is now a much more mature, awesome kid and my 10 mo is a delight who never stops smiling. I have reclaimed some old hobbies and most importantly I sleep kore than 2 hours at a time.

I still am tired.and have tough days but I don't feel regret over my kids at all anymore. In fact its hard to even imagine that I ever feel this way, except that I saw this thread and felt a jolt of recognition.

So there's your update dcum. If you were cruel in this thread, take a long look at the kind of person you are and want to be. A
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 20:58     Subject: I think I regret having kids
My mother told all 3 of her young kids repeatedly if she had to do it all over again she would never have had kids. The 3 of us -- al straight A students with no drug problems, etc. just did not know what she expected of us. We have dealt with the aftermath of her unhappiness our entire adult lives.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 13:44     Subject: Re:I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think a baby and a toddler/preschooler should have one caregiver. Their needs and schedules are just too different. The preschooler should be out socializing, while the baby should be napping at home. This is why I have a nanny + my mom.


My kids are close and are empathetic to each other because they were with each other and had to accommodate each other. In the situation you are describing, you should be sure that you are working on empathy with your older child.


My older child has a ton of empathy and EQ. Demonstrated it well before the younger one was even born. Some people are born with those qualities. They don't need to be subject to a sub-par caregiving situation to develop them.


I should have chosen my words better and not offended you. I apologize. Empathy is not a one time thing. You have to keep having conversations and highlighting that it is important to your family as your kids grow and go through new developmental changes. A sibling relationship and learning empathy through having a young sibling is a gift, and definitely not one all kids can have. All kids can't be younger siblings! Your caregiving situation is fine but what I was pointing out is that there are tradeoffs with all situations and as parents, we make the best choices we can and then we work to make up for the shortfalls because no situation is perfect. You have a good situation and that is great. Someone who is home with their children and juggling a preschooler and a baby may also be making the best choice they can for their situation. There is no one right answer and there is no situation that doesn't have shortcomings. The key is to identify those and adjust for them.

Anonymous
Post 01/26/2020 13:33     Subject: I think I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Why are the voluntarily-child free posting on the parenting sections of DCUM?


They hate children and their parents and are also insecure in their life choices. So they try to make themselves feel better by posting here. Pathetic.