Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

I understand why OP is upset. To me, if you're having a child-free wedding and/or a wedding requiring travel, you're also stating that if people can't make it under those circumstances, there will be no hard feelings if people decline the invitation. OP, however, feels that she can't decline the invitation without there being drama.

Guests who complain about the location or pressure the bride to include kids are out-of-line, but people who create obstacles for you to attend their wedding, such as cost, destination, no kids, or whatever, and then get upset when you decline the invitation are also out-of-line. OP, would your brother and SIL be upset if you RSVP for yourself, but let them know that your DH needs to stay home to watch the kids?

Grow up, honestly. Grown adults don't worry about "drama." If I make a reasonable decision based on a mature consideration of circumstances including what's best for my small children, my budget, etc., and people don't like my decision? I don't care. They can even snipe at me or gossip about me behind my back--that's not my problem.

Make your choices, live your choices, grow up. Grown adults do not engage in, or even notice, "drama" unless it is by watching "Real Housewives of ____."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still haven’t answered how you’re going to feel about wrangling 3 kids all weekend at a wedding while your husband and his parents are occupied with the wedding?

After reason the thread, this really strikes me as merely another “I hate my SIL” threads. You’re upset that she has the spotlight, and you and your kids don’t.

OP- I actually hate the spotlight. Hate it so much I didn’t have a wedding and eloped - inconveniencing exactly zero people. And I’ve brought my kids to weddings before that were kid-invited. They were adorable, had so much fun, made great memories, and wedding guests thought they were cute. And I am close to my SIL and DH is very close. As I said, DH thinks she made the decision to impress her friends and will regret it later.

SHE didn't make the decision; do you get that? She *and her husband-to-be* made that decision, and are equally responsible for it. Even if he just went along with her stronger preference, he co-signed.

New DCUM motto: People With Dicks Are Responsible For Family Dynamics, Too (PWDARFFDT)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

I understand why OP is upset. To me, if you're having a child-free wedding and/or a wedding requiring travel, you're also stating that if people can't make it under those circumstances, there will be no hard feelings if people decline the invitation. OP, however, feels that she can't decline the invitation without there being drama.

Guests who complain about the location or pressure the bride to include kids are out-of-line, but people who create obstacles for you to attend their wedding, such as cost, destination, no kids, or whatever, and then get upset when you decline the invitation are also out-of-line. OP, would your brother and SIL be upset if you RSVP for yourself, but let them know that your DH needs to stay home to watch the kids?

It’s OP’s husband’s sister getting married. And don’t be ridiculous. Really, the hill you’d want your relationship with your sibling or sibling-in-law to die on is that your kids aren’t invited to their wddding. Get.over.yourself.

Anonymous wrote:
So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

I understand why OP is upset. To me, if you're having a child-free wedding and/or a wedding requiring travel, you're also stating that if people can't make it under those circumstances, there will be no hard feelings if people decline the invitation. OP, however, feels that she can't decline the invitation without there being drama.

Guests who complain about the location or pressure the bride to include kids are out-of-line, but people who create obstacles for you to attend their wedding, such as cost, destination, no kids, or whatever, and then get upset when you decline the invitation are also out-of-line. OP, would your brother and SIL be upset if you RSVP for yourself, but let them know that your DH needs to stay home to watch the kids?

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

I legit loved having my nieces and nephews at my wedding but they were a bit older, like 7-12. My DH doesn't like to dance so I had my nieces drag him on tot he dance floor for me a few times. He couldn't say no to the kids. I promise I didn't over do it, 3 dance tops, and he knew what was happening.

But I am laughing my ass off that the OP eloped and is offended that her SIL doesn't want her kids at the wedding because weddings are family affairs.

Maybe they had a low key reception at a later date but it is kind of funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

+10000000000000

Anonymous wrote:I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Was coming to say this, too. I don’t care what people say out loud about OP’s kids (it has to be nice or else you’re an asshole), I’d bet the farm that many in their heads were thinking “get that kid out from underfoot” or “ok we’ve admired your kids enough, it’s adult time now” or something along those lines.

I am actually laughing out loud at my desk to return to this thread this morning and learn that OP ELOPED!

(Also willing to bet no one thinks her kids are that cute at weddings, but that's another issue).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still haven’t answered how you’re going to feel about wrangling 3 kids all weekend at a wedding while your husband and his parents are occupied with the wedding?

After reason the thread, this really strikes me as merely another “I hate my SIL” threads. You’re upset that she has the spotlight, and you and your kids don’t.

OP- I actually hate the spotlight. Hate it so much I didn’t have a wedding and eloped - inconveniencing exactly zero people. And I’ve brought my kids to weddings before that were kid-invited. They were adorable, had so much fun, made great memories, and wedding guests thought they were cute. And I am close to my SIL and DH is very close. As I said, DH thinks she made the decision to impress her friends and will regret it later.

How very selfish you are, OP. Weddings are about two families coming together, right? And you excluded everyone? Including your own parents? How dreadful. I thought weddings are family reunions?

I mean, either that, or good for you for doing it exactly the way you and DH wanted it. Which is it?

This. OP didn't invite anyone to her wedding. She didn't let anyone else's kids "make great memories" or "bring families together." There were probably some family members disappointed that she didn't have a big, traditional wedding. And she did that based on her own personal preferences. How selfish! Except it wasn't, apparently, because [reasons]. It's okay when she chooses how to celebrate her wedding, but not when SIL does.

I think weddings with kids can be fun. I think weddings without kids can be fun. I think that, while the bride and groom should strive to be gracious hosts, there are many forms that can take, and guests should accept or decline the invitation, and maybe give people that they supposedly love the benefit of the doubt.

And I've known a few people who had no-kid weddings. Not one of them regrets it. They have nice memories of their weddings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still haven’t answered how you’re going to feel about wrangling 3 kids all weekend at a wedding while your husband and his parents are occupied with the wedding?

After reason the thread, this really strikes me as merely another “I hate my SIL” threads. You’re upset that she has the spotlight, and you and your kids don’t.

OP- I actually hate the spotlight. Hate it so much I didn’t have a wedding and eloped - inconveniencing exactly zero people. And I’ve brought my kids to weddings before that were kid-invited. They were adorable, had so much fun, made great memories, and wedding guests thought they were cute. And I am close to my SIL and DH is very close. As I said, DH thinks she made the decision to impress her friends and will regret it later.

So, you did what you wanted to do — no wedding and I am sure at least one person in this great big family of yours that loves to get together because family!!!! was disappointed — but SIL should do what you want for her wedding? Got it

+1,000,000. From the OP: “no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together.” Yet OP eloped?!? Yes, I’m sure her DH’s family who should invite her kids BECAUSE FAMILY! just loved that, but she didn’t care. Unbelievable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still haven’t answered how you’re going to feel about wrangling 3 kids all weekend at a wedding while your husband and his parents are occupied with the wedding?

After reason the thread, this really strikes me as merely another “I hate my SIL” threads. You’re upset that she has the spotlight, and you and your kids don’t.

OP- I actually hate the spotlight. Hate it so much I didn’t have a wedding and eloped - inconveniencing exactly zero people. And I’ve brought my kids to weddings before that were kid-invited. They were adorable, had so much fun, made great memories, and wedding guests thought they were cute. And I am close to my SIL and DH is very close. As I said, DH thinks she made the decision to impress her friends and will regret it later.

How very selfish you are, OP. Weddings are about two families coming together, right? And you excluded everyone? Including your own parents? How dreadful. I thought weddings are family reunions?

I mean, either that, or good for you for doing it exactly the way you and DH wanted it. Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over.

OK, so 9 pages later the OP talks about eloping because she doesn't like being the center of attention. Doesn't that mean that OP had a kid free wedding with no ring bearer or flower girls or cute kids on the dance floor? I am reasonably certain that eloping, and not having a bigger wedding, means that the family did not come together.

So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

Because no one will get to admire how adorable and cute her kids are, as she’s mentioned in two posts. Because someone else (the wedding couple) will get to be the centre of attention, and OP is uncomfortable with that concept.

I also find it ironic that OP didn’t want ANY family to celebrate her day, but is upset that a single demographic is being left out of another wedding. But it’s really all about her, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.

OP can see the future!

Good god.

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over.

OK, so 9 pages later the OP talks about eloping because she doesn't like being the center of attention. Doesn't that mean that OP had a kid free wedding with no ring bearer or flower girls or cute kids on the dance floor? I am reasonably certain that eloping, and not having a bigger wedding, means that the family did not come together.

So why exactly is OP upset? Because someone else decided that they wanted to have a kid free wedding but is having a kid free party by having a reception without kids and not just skipping the entire wedding/reception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still haven’t answered how you’re going to feel about wrangling 3 kids all weekend at a wedding while your husband and his parents are occupied with the wedding?

After reason the thread, this really strikes me as merely another “I hate my SIL” threads. You’re upset that she has the spotlight, and you and your kids don’t.

OP- I actually hate the spotlight. Hate it so much I didn’t have a wedding and eloped - inconveniencing exactly zero people. And I’ve brought my kids to weddings before that were kid-invited. They were adorable, had so much fun, made great memories, and wedding guests thought they were cute. And I am close to my SIL and DH is very close. As I said, DH thinks she made the decision to impress her friends and will regret it later.

You sound not only judgmental but embittered. I feel for your SIL. Grow up, honey.