Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I see why so many men do not want to get married after they divorce.

Ha. It’s usuallythe women I know that are more reluctant to marry again. Most men marry with the first piece of anything they can hook up with.

they find some motherly person to baby them.

My wife and I, in our 50s, have a pretty poor sex life, maybe 6-8x/year over the past few years with menopause, etc.

She asked me last year what I wanted for my birthday. I said passionate, intense sex. And she kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes. I said, "What's so funny about that?" She said no, really, what do you want. And I said exactly that. She was so dismissive. It led to an argument, not so much about the sex frequency, but about dismissing so easily what is important to me, and asking a question, getting an honest answer, and then not treating it that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Also... I think the shrink thing freaked you out for some reason. A lot of people go to therapy. So do I. No fault in that. All my comment on it was meant to imply was that some of the reasons I went had to do with our relationship being in crisis, while others did not. I still don't understand why you found issue with that.

I have no issue with anybody seeking help for their issues.

I do have issue with people blaming their issues on others.

When you specify that some of your issues are "not related" it means that normally you blame your issues on others.

Dude, ALL of your issues are "not related", when you are in therapy you are working on YOUR issue, they are maybe related to your anger issues, or you inability to communicate, or your need to leave your kids with your wife and "get me time" (avoidance).... but my issue is that you don't understand that your issue are YOUR issues.

Not OP - learn to read.

When he says that he is in counseling and that some issues are related and some issues are not related - he is not placing blame on someone.

He is saying that the content of what he is discussing in counseling is sometimes related to his marriage and sometimes it is not related to his marriage... Not about his fault and someone else's fault... Learn to read. SMH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

Oh FFS - OP sounds pretty thoughtful and self-aware to me. He’s struggling, and acknowledges that, and recognizes that he spoke in hurt and anger. There are some PPa who are projecting all kinds of s**t on the OP, to the extent that it’s clear it’s not about this OP at all. They should start their own thread, and get off this one.

So what? He did something shitty to her, and rather than own that and apologize, he blamed her for it. There is no way that's the first time he's done that, it's not okay, and showing the kind of contempt for your partner that OP showed there can absolutely kill any willingness your partner might have to have sex with you. As said previously, OP has some degree of role in this. Maybe now we've found it. When OP isn't happy with some aspect of his life, he dumps on his wife and then blames her for it[u].

+1
Exactly what is going on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, you wanted to punish her, and maybe she deserves it, but in the end you have to think about if your actions are contributing to the dysfunctions in your relationship or changing things, and by saying what you did, you heightened her insecurities, hurt her feelings, etc. it didn’t help.

OP here. True. It wasn't a script I had written in advance...

Did you apologize?

OP here. I did not. I did say I was sorry I hurt her, but I did not apologize for the content of my words. I am very much struggling with myself regarding my own feelings on that. I feel that once I've been "left to take care of my own needs", and she's shown no desire to be a part of that (and I would not want to force it upon her if it's against her will)... then this is one aspect of our life that we no longer do as a couple. So... while I can't demand anything of her - it goes both ways... at least that's how I sometimes feel. It's not exactly how I would have wished our relationship to be.

So you acknowledge your behavior was shitty but defend it as not really wrong because she made you do it. Dude, you're a jackass, no wonder she won't sleep with you.

I understand the OP. It's not saying that it is her fault for the comment, and that is why he apologized for hurting her feelings.

However, there comes a point in a relationship, when you feel as though you are apologizing and letting someone off the hook while they take no responsibility for their own actions.

He is sorry that he hurt her and he apologized. But why would he say sorry for the comment itself. The comment itself was meant to make the statement, that if she was not involved in his sex life, then she is not entitled to an answer about his sex life... He still feels that way. Therefore, he is not apologizing.

Who on earth tells his spouse, "You have no right to demand an answer" about anything. You're a nutjob, OP.

Then you turn around and tell an chatboard it was only an insidious threat to cheat to scare your wife. Your wife who isn't having sex with a stellar man such as yourself.

Riiiight.

You're both checked out here. Just playing the facetime game, trying to put on a good show for the public and the kids.

Get some balls and file for a divorce. Don't go all passive aggressive and "force her to." You've been doing this for a while right, trying to get her to divorce you? Hahhaha. Hillary Clinton knows just what to do with your type.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

Unless the DH is a rapist, it pretty much goes like this:
Him: "Hey, you wanna..."
Her: "NO!"

(both roll over and go to sleep, him seething in frustration)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

More often than not, the thought that another woman wants her husband's penis is the only thing that shakes a wife out of her sexual indifference.

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ there a a ton of pissed off, sexless, older women in this thread

True. I think there is a subset of older woman who feel that they should get to stop having sex at some point with no consequence to their marriage. There is also a subset of men who are complaining about not getting sex from their wives (not pointing at OP here) with no intention of doing anything about it other than complaining. And then there is “declare open marriage” guy. This vocal coterie tends to drown out the vast majority of more sensible people in threads like these, which are extremely common and which have become rather repetitive and boring.

The answer is pretty simple though. The partner not having enough sex needs to attempt to improve their attractiveness and deal with underlying relationship problems as a first step.. That often, but not always, fixes the issue. If it doesn’t, you are left with cheat, leave, or suffer. All bad options. Pick one. That’s it. Not all stories have happy endings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I see why so many men do not want to get married after they divorce.

Ha. It’s usuallythe women I know that are more reluctant to marry again. Most men marry with the first piece of anything they can hook up with.

Men always want to get married because who will care for them while they are dying. They are all alone without a woman.

Women have their friends and support system, which men never spend time building, they just expect their wife to do that.

What a load of shit.

For one thing, the man usually dies first. Pretty fscking hard for him to care for his dying wife after he's already dead. ("Sorry honey, so inconsiderate of me to DIE.")

Men have plenty of men friends. They just don't expect those guys to come wipe their ass for them when they're dying.

And women don't have their friends take care of them when they're dying. Women go into the old age home, and total strangers (the nursing staff) take care of them.

All your issues are related to YOU. Your relationship issues are RELATED to YOU. Leave this relationship and you will have all the same issues, because your issues don't go away, they follow you. These are issues YOU created, you need to fix you, not your relationship.

Nobody has to be a psychologist to know you have to fix you, not your wife or your relationship.



OP here. Why bother... continue on your own...


This is OP's response to basic "being human 101". No wonder he has been to counseling and nothing changed.

He has no clue that he has to fix himself before his relationship with others will improve.

Are people this dense?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy is strong on this thread.

It really is. You women are BATSHIT.
- a happily married woman

Seriously!!

-also happily married for 12 years with 2 young kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I see why so many men do not want to get married after they divorce.

Ha. It’s usuallythe women I know that are more reluctant to marry again. Most men marry with the first piece of anything they can hook up with.

Men always want to get married because who will care for them while they are dying. They are all alone without a woman.

Women have their friends and support system, which men never spend time building, they just expect their wife to do that.

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I see why so many men do not want to get married after they divorce.

Ha. It’s usuallythe women I know that are more reluctant to marry again. Most men marry with the first piece of anything they can hook up with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy is strong on this thread.

It really is. You women are BATSHIT.
- a happily married woman

Yep, no idea why people don’t communicate with their partners, who are so easy to call names and dismiss and shut down any other optinion other than their own.

There’s actually some good information from both sides on this thread, but you only want to see your side. Do you always argue that way, by sim0y shutting down the other side?