Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Sounds like many of the guests have kids. You obviously don’t have kids. They are part of the family.

Actually I have two, so obviously you don't know what "obviously" means. They are part of the family (obviously), but that doesn't mean that they belong at adult weddings. Obviously you're not very good at logic, either.

Sorry your brain slipped out with your placenta.

This is my favorite thing I've ever read on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care and feel the need to go if you aren't that close to the couple? If you were close to the couple, I don't think you'd have an issue with not bringing your children. I left DS at home when my sister got married in Mexico in a small destination wedding where I was the maid of honor with a no kids request. My MIL watched DS for the weekend. I didn't even think twice.

I get these requests from time to time from old college friends, and it just isn't worth it to arrange everything to be there. I am a huge reply no to out of town weddings and just send a simple gift - much cheaper than flights/hotels/etc. And you still show you care by sending a little something.

DP. If I am close to the couple then they would ask me before sending the invitations, and they would know in advance that I am not coming without kids. DH can go without me.

You people are such a pain in the ass. I have kids and I would never take a stance to always say no to a wedding that wouldn't invite them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the issue is that some parents of small children don't keep an eye on their small children. I think the bride and groom, when taking the invite list into consideration, have a good read on who is a lazy, selfish parent and who will be responsible. The bride and groom act accordingly. Can you blame them? It is the single biggest event of their lives, up to then.

For example, have you ever been to a wedding where the small child (too young to know any better) is jumping over the church pews, running around the church, screaming bloody murder in church so that the vows can not be heard, running and chasing and knocking down elderly grandparents, stepping on the bridal train and ripping the bride's dress, or smashes the entire wedding cake to the ground at the reception? All because the parents were too busy chatting away, or drinking, dancing, or anything but paying attention.

Unfortunately, the lazy, selfish parents ruin it for the responsible parents, such that a blanket rule (such as "adults only") has to be applied. I know weddings where the bride and groom welcomed certain small children, because they knew it would not be a fiasco - but had to make a blanket "no children" statement, because they knew that one or two parents in particular would make it an unruly free for all. Let's face it, some parents don't pay attention, and it is all about them. If you want the relatives to meet your small child, make the necessary plans for that to happen, another time during the wedding weekend.

Better yet, plan a family reunion at your own leisure, so you can dictate the time, venue and guest list.

Not to mention the most expensive event of their lives. But sure having a screaming toddler ruin a moment like this is hilarious.

That definitely can be a reason. Also, if they have 2 kids themselves, then probably most of their friends also have kids, plus relatives have kids, pretty soon you have doubled or more your guest list. Sometimes the kids just have to be cut for space/budget reasons.

AKA cheap charlies

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

I don’t like using a babysitter I don’t know, for my kids in an unfamiliar place to them - in a hotel.

+ 1000 I am not a helicopter mom but some people seem to think of kids as dogs: just get someone to watch over them! Hum, no? My 4 year old daughter is going to throw a massive crying tantrum if she is left alone in an unfamiliar place with someone she has never seen and that I will take max an hour to introduce (best case scenario). And I fully understand her, it is scary and should be scary to her.

I was invited once to a wedding that said no kids, we didn't realize until we landed, Thats when the hosts pointed out to us that we misunderstood. My DH went and I stayed at the hotel with the kids and had the babysitter only for after the children fell asleep (they met her before falling asleep though). I arrived at the wedding for the dance party. And the hosts (the parents) dared to make a comment, with a fake / feign concerned "oh FINALLY you could make it" as if I was a super late guest who couldn't ditch her snowflakes..

Had I known we wouldn't have gone at all

I'm confused as to how you could have received/RSVPed to an invitation without being clear on who was invited...guessing your hosts probably were too which may have accounted for the slightly snippy comment, particularly since it doesn't sound like you acknowledged/apologized for the misunderstanding on your part which also inconvenienced them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the issue is that some parents of small children don't keep an eye on their small children. I think the bride and groom, when taking the invite list into consideration, have a good read on who is a lazy, selfish parent and who will be responsible. The bride and groom act accordingly. Can you blame them? It is the single biggest event of their lives, up to then.

For example, have you ever been to a wedding where the small child (too young to know any better) is jumping over the church pews, running around the church, screaming bloody murder in church so that the vows can not be heard, running and chasing and knocking down elderly grandparents, stepping on the bridal train and ripping the bride's dress, or smashes the entire wedding cake to the ground at the reception? All because the parents were too busy chatting away, or drinking, dancing, or anything but paying attention.

Unfortunately, the lazy, selfish parents ruin it for the responsible parents, such that a blanket rule (such as "adults only") has to be applied. I know weddings where the bride and groom welcomed certain small children, because they knew it would not be a fiasco - but had to make a blanket "no children" statement, because they knew that one or two parents in particular would make it an unruly free for all. Let's face it, some parents don't pay attention, and it is all about them. If you want the relatives to meet your small child, make the necessary plans for that to happen, another time during the wedding weekend.

Better yet, plan a family reunion at your own leisure, so you can dictate the time, venue and guest list.

Not to mention the most expensive event of their lives. But sure having a screaming toddler ruin a moment like this is hilarious.

That definitely can be a reason. Also, if they have 2 kids themselves, then probably most of their friends also have kids, plus relatives have kids, pretty soon you have doubled or more your guest list. Sometimes the kids just have to be cut for space/budget reasons.

Maybe because I am French and we have different traditions but weddings without children seems downright sad to me. That's part of what makes it different tfrom another big soirée. It is a multi generational gathering. How fun to see the kids dancing with everyone, with the grandma, the college friends, the cousins.. kids can be loud but I have never seen a toddler ruining a wedding. I heard babies cry in the church but you take them for a walk and it is part of life to have those newborn crying sounds in such a big gathering. I would dare say it even brings something, the full circle of life (and no I am not even religious).

And it is the parties that familie sremember, when you danced with our dad, fell asleep on the couch at 2 am, going to bed so late for the first time... I would never keep children away from a wedding...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

I don’t like using a babysitter I don’t know, for my kids in an unfamiliar place to them - in a hotel.

+ 1000 I am not a helicopter mom but some people seem to think of kids as dogs: just get someone to watch over them! Hum, no? My 4 year old daughter is going to throw a massive crying tantrum if she is left alone in an unfamiliar place with someone she has never seen and that I will take max an hour to introduce (best case scenario). And I fully understand her, it is scary and should be scary to her.

I was invited once to a wedding that said no kids, we didn't realize until we landed, Thats when the hosts pointed out to us that we misunderstood. My DH went and I stayed at the hotel with the kids and had the babysitter only for after the children fell asleep (they met her before falling asleep though). I arrived at the wedding for the dance party. And the hosts (the parents) dared to make a comment, with a fake / feign concerned "oh FINALLY you could make it" as if I was a super late guest who couldn't ditch her snowflakes..

Had I known we wouldn't have gone at all

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the issue is that some parents of small children don't keep an eye on their small children. I think the bride and groom, when taking the invite list into consideration, have a good read on who is a lazy, selfish parent and who will be responsible. The bride and groom act accordingly. Can you blame them? It is the single biggest event of their lives, up to then.

For example, have you ever been to a wedding where the small child (too young to know any better) is jumping over the church pews, running around the church, screaming bloody murder in church so that the vows can not be heard, running and chasing and knocking down elderly grandparents, stepping on the bridal train and ripping the bride's dress, or smashes the entire wedding cake to the ground at the reception? All because the parents were too busy chatting away, or drinking, dancing, or anything but paying attention.

Unfortunately, the lazy, selfish parents ruin it for the responsible parents, such that a blanket rule (such as "adults only") has to be applied. I know weddings where the bride and groom welcomed certain small children, because they knew it would not be a fiasco - but had to make a blanket "no children" statement, because they knew that one or two parents in particular would make it an unruly free for all. Let's face it, some parents don't pay attention, and it is all about them. If you want the relatives to meet your small child, make the necessary plans for that to happen, another time during the wedding weekend.

Better yet, plan a family reunion at your own leisure, so you can dictate the time, venue and guest list.

Not to mention the most expensive event of their lives. But sure having a screaming toddler ruin a moment like this is hilarious.

That definitely can be a reason. Also, if they have 2 kids themselves, then probably most of their friends also have kids, plus relatives have kids, pretty soon you have doubled or more your guest list. Sometimes the kids just have to be cut for space/budget reasons.

Not to mention the most expensive event of their lives. But sure having a screaming toddler ruin a moment like this is hilarious.

Anonymous wrote:I think that the issue is that some parents of small children don't keep an eye on their small children. I think the bride and groom, when taking the invite list into consideration, have a good read on who is a lazy, selfish parent and who will be responsible. The bride and groom act accordingly. Can you blame them? It is the single biggest event of their lives, up to then.

For example, have you ever been to a wedding where the small child (too young to know any better) is jumping over the church pews, running around the church, screaming bloody murder in church so that the vows can not be heard, running and chasing and knocking down elderly grandparents, stepping on the bridal train and ripping the bride's dress, or smashes the entire wedding cake to the ground at the reception? All because the parents were too busy chatting away, or drinking, dancing, or anything but paying attention.

Unfortunately, the lazy, selfish parents ruin it for the responsible parents, such that a blanket rule (such as "adults only") has to be applied. I know weddings where the bride and groom welcomed certain small children, because they knew it would not be a fiasco - but had to make a blanket "no children" statement, because they knew that one or two parents in particular would make it an unruly free for all. Let's face it, some parents don't pay attention, and it is all about them. If you want the relatives to meet your small child, make the necessary plans for that to happen, another time during the wedding weekend.

Better yet, plan a family reunion at your own leisure, so you can dictate the time, venue and guest list.

Not to mention the most expensive event of their lives. But sure having a screaming toddler ruin a moment like this is hilarious.

Anonymous wrote:My cousin is marrying her long time boyfriend. They have two kids (almost 2&5) yet they’ve told all guests no children allowed at wedding or reception. I find this tacky regardless, but especially considering the fact they have children and have been cohabitating for 6+ years.

90% is the family members on both sides are traveling and many of us have children. What the hell do we do with our kids?

This happened to us. We didn't go. No way I'm paying air fare, and everything else, to leave my kid with someone I don't know. Not happening. The couple is free to do as they please. So am I.

I think that the issue is that some parents of small children don't keep an eye on their small children. I think the bride and groom, when taking the invite list into consideration, have a good read on who is a lazy, selfish parent and who will be responsible. The bride and groom act accordingly. Can you blame them? It is the single biggest event of their lives, up to then.

For example, have you ever been to a wedding where the small child (too young to know any better) is jumping over the church pews, running around the church, screaming bloody murder in church so that the vows can not be heard, running and chasing and knocking down elderly grandparents, stepping on the bridal train and ripping the bride's dress, or smashes the entire wedding cake to the ground at the reception? All because the parents were too busy chatting away, or drinking, dancing, or anything but paying attention.

Unfortunately, the lazy, selfish parents ruin it for the responsible parents, such that a blanket rule (such as "adults only") has to be applied. I know weddings where the bride and groom welcomed certain small children, because they knew it would not be a fiasco - but had to make a blanket "no children" statement, because they knew that one or two parents in particular would make it an unruly free for all. Let's face it, some parents don't pay attention, and it is all about them. If you want the relatives to meet your small child, make the necessary plans for that to happen, another time during the wedding weekend.

Better yet, plan a family reunion at your own leisure, so you can dictate the time, venue and guest list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Sounds like many of the guests have kids. You obviously don’t have kids. They are part of the family.

Actually I have two, so obviously you don't know what "obviously" means. They are part of the family (obviously), but that doesn't mean that they belong at adult weddings. Obviously you're not very good at logic, either.

Sorry your brain slipped out with your placenta.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had a no kids wedding when my DS was 5 months old. We wouldn't leave him, and we stayed home. NBD, and 17 years later cousin and I are still friends...

I brought a breastfeeding infant along to a wedding that had a "no kids" invite. We didn't have any repercussions. If the baby had caused a fuss, I would have taken her right out. Of course, there were children there anyway, the flower girls.

Why do you feel you were specially entitled to disobey the couple’s wishes? Obviously flower girls are a different story than your random baby. I’m sure you got the side eye from people; you’re incredibly, incredibly rude.

+1. Just because no one publicly called you out or asked up to leave doesn't mean that your disrespect behavior wasn't noted. You should have either declined or pumped some bottles and left your baby with a caregiver.

I actually disagree with this. I don't consider a breastfeeding infant (if it is a true infant, not a 2 yo extended breastfeeder) to be included in the "no children prohibition." They don't take up a seat, and the bride and groom aren't required to pay for their attendance. They are likely less disruptive at the reception, and possibly at the ceremony (and easy to remove, provided the mother has a modicum of good sense and sits in the back). And they are functionally inseparable from a mother in a way all of these "I would *never* leave my kids with a babysitter in a hotel!" ninnies pretend to be.

I'd definitely have checked with someone before bringing the infant, PP (in not doing so, you were rude), but from my perspective, if I was throwing a child-free wedding I wouldn't have any issue with a breastfeeding infant. But, reasonable minds can differ.

ITA. My cousin had a child free wedding soon after my sister had a baby. The bride's mother phoned and said that a baby that small is still part of her mother, and that of course she should bring the baby. My niece was at the wedding and didn't make a peep.

Your sister's situation was completely different in that she was expressly told that the baby was welcome. Yes some couples hosting otherwise child-free weddings are fine with babies in arms, but others are not. As a guest it's still incredibly rude to just decide unilaterally that the rules don't apply to you, as the pp did. A far better way of handling it would have been to politely decline on the grounds of not being able to leave behind the infant, giving the host the opportunity to extend the offer to bring the baby if they were actually okay with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had a no kids wedding when my DS was 5 months old. We wouldn't leave him, and we stayed home. NBD, and 17 years later cousin and I are still friends...

I brought a breastfeeding infant along to a wedding that had a "no kids" invite. We didn't have any repercussions. If the baby had caused a fuss, I would have taken her right out. Of course, there were children there anyway, the flower girls.

Why do you feel you were specially entitled to disobey the couple’s wishes? Obviously flower girls are a different story than your random baby. I’m sure you got the side eye from people; you’re incredibly, incredibly rude.

+1. Just because no one publicly called you out or asked up to leave doesn't mean that your disrespect behavior wasn't noted. You should have either declined or pumped some bottles and left your baby with a caregiver.

I actually disagree with this. I don't consider a breastfeeding infant (if it is a true infant, not a 2 yo extended breastfeeder) to be included in the "no children prohibition." They don't take up a seat, and the bride and groom aren't required to pay for their attendance. They are likely less disruptive at the reception, and possibly at the ceremony (and easy to remove, provided the mother has a modicum of good sense and sits in the back). And they are functionally inseparable from a mother in a way all of these "I would *never* leave my kids with a babysitter in a hotel!" ninnies pretend to be.

I'd definitely have checked with someone before bringing the infant, PP (in not doing so, you were rude), but from my perspective, if I was throwing a child-free wedding I wouldn't have any issue with a breastfeeding infant. But, reasonable minds can differ.

ITA. My cousin had a child free wedding soon after my sister had a baby. The bride's mother phoned and said that a baby that small is still part of her mother, and that of course she should bring the baby. My niece was at the wedding and didn't make a peep.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care and feel the need to go if you aren't that close to the couple? If you were close to the couple, I don't think you'd have an issue with not bringing your children. I left DS at home when my sister got married in Mexico in a small destination wedding where I was the maid of honor with a no kids request. My MIL watched DS for the weekend. I didn't even think twice.

I get these requests from time to time from old college friends, and it just isn't worth it to arrange everything to be there. I am a huge reply no to out of town weddings and just send a simple gift - much cheaper than flights/hotels/etc. And you still show you care by sending a little something.

DP. If I am close to the couple then they would ask me before sending the invitations, and they would know in advance that I am not coming without kids. DH can go without me.