Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some batshit crazy folk on this forum. In what universe is it okay that the DIL has to go to MIL house on thanksgiving, Christmas , Easter , 4th if July AND TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION to place of mil choosing EVERY YEAR????

No kidding. MIL sounds like helicopter parent extraordinaire, adult version.

Anonymous wrote:There are some batshit crazy folk on this forum. In what universe is it okay that the DIL has to go to MIL house on thanksgiving, Christmas , Easter , 4th if July AND TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION to place of mil choosing EVERY YEAR????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

+1

This is what I don’t understand about some of these responses. It sounds like there are at least 7 people involved besides MIL. Why shouldn’t other people be taken into consideration as well?

+2

Well, in OP's telling she's the brave one standing up for everyone against her MIL's tryannical "monopoly" over the holidays. Some of us doubt that telling.

Of course, people have a right to decide where they go on the holidays. The issue here is OP aggresively pushing her agenda and then pretending to be confused when her MIL gets upset about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

+1

This is what I don’t understand about some of these responses. It sounds like there are at least 7 people involved besides MIL. Why shouldn’t other people be taken into consideration as well?

+2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

+1

This is what I don’t understand about some of these responses. It sounds like there are at least 7 people involved besides MIL. Why shouldn’t other people be taken into consideration as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

This is an excellent point, and a good question. How do you people think family traditions and memories are made in the home where kids grow up? If you never have Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter in your own home, I don't think you're getting the full holiday experience. Can you imagine only having Christmas at your Grandma's house, and never waking up in your own bed that morning?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

NP--There's nothing wrong with MIL wanting to gather with her family where her children grew up, but there IS something wrong with that being enforced for every holiday for every member of the family for numerous years. What about how the other family members feel? What about them wanting to make new traditions and memories in the homes where THEIR children are growing up?

Anonymous wrote:Tough crowd. I don't understand how some people don't get that if more than one person actually wants to host a holiday, that should be taken into consideration and everyone should be able to take a turn with that role, especially when travel and kids are involved.

I mean, not me, I love just rolling in with a pie!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.


OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?

Op, you're being ridiculous. Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's? It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now? Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say). Will you do Christmas? and Easter too? I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you. That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time. It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions.