Having sex is like changing diapers. It takes time, it has to be done frequently, it's messy, it can stink, and women are fine with never having to do it again.

OMG - I just skimmed through this thread and I thank all of you for reminding me that I have a wonderful sex life! Until reading this I had concerns about frequency and other things but now I know that I am spoiled!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't think there is a correlation between division of labor and sexual desire, many of the low drive women would likely bang another guy, they just don't want their husbands. Ask yourself why that is. Attention? Feeling like more than a house keeper? Shut up and grow a pair and own that you may be the issue, not her.

So true. Women grow resentful after years of cleaning up after their husband and doing the majority of the child care, resentment kills libido. Men pay the price for laziness in the long run.

Truth

Men don't get lazy, they see their overweight nagging wives have done nothing but become complaining harpies and feel duped.

I'm a women and stayed in shape, and I'm nice and try to tell him how good he looks and how much I love him every day. Guess what? When I have something boring that' needs to be done he doesn't complain or even sigh - he just does it.

Be nice to be around and give him some love every once in a while and I'm sure he'll be more willing to pick up the slack.

This was written by a lonely divorced dude. No woman would say that!

I don’t think so. I’m married and my wife is pretty similar as far as trying to be approachable and have a good attitude. She starts every day with a smile and a good morning because she believes in not going to bed angry and starting off the day with a positive note can set the tone for the day. Even if we had a argument the night before she’s pretty over it. When she’s upset with me she still does it - although she’ll tell me when she’s unhappy.

She also noticed she was overweight and lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t happy being fat.

Not hard to believe, if your husband isn’t picking up slack around the house it’s because he doesn’t want to be there. Look I’m the mirror and you’ll see why. I can’t wait to get off of work to come up and see my wife, kids and dogs. Other I know stay late all the time because they’re miserable at home and would rather work late than go home to their chaotic lives.

I’ve said it before here I’ll say it again, when the bitching to blowjob ratio tilts a certain way guys would rather grind their days out of the office or worksite rather than go home. At least their efforts are appreciated more.

You sound like a clueless man. If a man isn't picking up the slack (ie pulling his fair share weight of household/childcare) it's because he is self-centered and or lazy and he knows that DW will do all of it if need be. If women checked out and blew off the chores and childcare, CPS would be at the door because the children would be feral, dirty and hungry. After a while a woman's resentment kills her desire for sex with her husband. This is the way woman are. Sex is inside of our brains and when our brains are full of resentment there is no room for sex with husbands.

We’ve heard this tired trope before. Guys who do chores actually get LESS sex. It’s a scientific fact. Google it. You’re right it’s on the mind of the female. Who get bored of their husband after about 7 to 10 years.

I did Google it and you are wrong. http://time.com/4378502/yes-couples-who-share-chores-have-more-sex/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't think there is a correlation between division of labor and sexual desire, many of the low drive women would likely bang another guy, they just don't want their husbands. Ask yourself why that is. Attention? Feeling like more than a house keeper? Shut up and grow a pair and own that you may be the issue, not her.

So true. Women grow resentful after years of cleaning up after their husband and doing the majority of the child care, resentment kills libido. Men pay the price for laziness in the long run.

Truth

Men don't get lazy, they see their overweight nagging wives have done nothing but become complaining harpies and feel duped.

I'm a women and stayed in shape, and I'm nice and try to tell him how good he looks and how much I love him every day. Guess what? When I have something boring that' needs to be done he doesn't complain or even sigh - he just does it.

Be nice to be around and give him some love every once in a while and I'm sure he'll be more willing to pick up the slack.

This was written by a lonely divorced dude. No woman would say that!

I don’t think so. I’m married and my wife is pretty similar as far as trying to be approachable and have a good attitude. She starts every day with a smile and a good morning because she believes in not going to bed angry and starting off the day with a positive note can set the tone for the day. Even if we had a argument the night before she’s pretty over it. When she’s upset with me she still does it - although she’ll tell me when she’s unhappy.

She also noticed she was overweight and lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t happy being fat.

Not hard to believe, if your husband isn’t picking up slack around the house it’s because he doesn’t want to be there. Look I’m the mirror and you’ll see why. I can’t wait to get off of work to come up and see my wife, kids and dogs. Other I know stay late all the time because they’re miserable at home and would rather work late than go home to their chaotic lives.

I’ve said it before here I’ll say it again, when the bitching to blowjob ratio tilts a certain way guys would rather grind their days out of the office or worksite rather than go home. At least their efforts are appreciated more.

You sound like a clueless man. If a man isn't picking up the slack (ie pulling his fair share weight of household/childcare) it's because he is self-centered and or lazy and he knows that DW will do all of it if need be. If women checked out and blew off the chores and childcare, CPS would be at the door because the children would be feral, dirty and hungry. After a while a woman's resentment kills her desire for sex with her husband. This is the way woman are. Sex is inside of our brains and when our brains are full of resentment there is no room for sex with husbands.

We’ve heard this tired trope before. Guys who do chores actually get LESS sex. It’s a scientific fact. Google it. You’re right it’s on the mind of the female. Who get bored of their husband after about 7 to 10 years.

Haha, I guess doing less chores in order to get more sex has worked out for you! That is why you are on this topic! I get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't think there is a correlation between division of labor and sexual desire, many of the low drive women would likely bang another guy, they just don't want their husbands. Ask yourself why that is. Attention? Feeling like more than a house keeper? Shut up and grow a pair and own that you may be the issue, not her.

So true. Women grow resentful after years of cleaning up after their husband and doing the majority of the child care, resentment kills libido. Men pay the price for laziness in the long run.

Truth

Men don't get lazy, they see their overweight nagging wives have done nothing but become complaining harpies and feel duped.

I'm a women and stayed in shape, and I'm nice and try to tell him how good he looks and how much I love him every day. Guess what? When I have something boring that' needs to be done he doesn't complain or even sigh - he just does it.

Be nice to be around and give him some love every once in a while and I'm sure he'll be more willing to pick up the slack.

This was written by a lonely divorced dude. No woman would say that!

I don’t think so. I’m married and my wife is pretty similar as far as trying to be approachable and have a good attitude. She starts every day with a smile and a good morning because she believes in not going to bed angry and starting off the day with a positive note can set the tone for the day. Even if we had a argument the night before she’s pretty over it. When she’s upset with me she still does it - although she’ll tell me when she’s unhappy.

She also noticed she was overweight and lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t happy being fat.

Not hard to believe, if your husband isn’t picking up slack around the house it’s because he doesn’t want to be there. Look I’m the mirror and you’ll see why. I can’t wait to get off of work to come up and see my wife, kids and dogs. Other I know stay late all the time because they’re miserable at home and would rather work late than go home to their chaotic lives.

I’ve said it before here I’ll say it again, when the bitching to blowjob ratio tilts a certain way guys would rather grind their days out of the office or worksite rather than go home. At least their efforts are appreciated more.

You sound like a clueless man. If a man isn't picking up the slack (ie pulling his fair share weight of household/childcare) it's because he is self-centered and or lazy and he knows that DW will do all of it if need be. If women checked out and blew off the chores and childcare, CPS would be at the door because the children would be feral, dirty and hungry. After a while a woman's resentment kills her desire for sex with her husband. This is the way woman are. Sex is inside of our brains and when our brains are full of resentment there is no room for sex with husbands.

Wow, you need to get laid!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't think there is a correlation between division of labor and sexual desire, many of the low drive women would likely bang another guy, they just don't want their husbands. Ask yourself why that is. Attention? Feeling like more than a house keeper? Shut up and grow a pair and own that you may be the issue, not her.

So true. Women grow resentful after years of cleaning up after their husband and doing the majority of the child care, resentment kills libido. Men pay the price for laziness in the long run.

Truth

Men don't get lazy, they see their overweight nagging wives have done nothing but become complaining harpies and feel duped.

I'm a women and stayed in shape, and I'm nice and try to tell him how good he looks and how much I love him every day. Guess what? When I have something boring that' needs to be done he doesn't complain or even sigh - he just does it.

Be nice to be around and give him some love every once in a while and I'm sure he'll be more willing to pick up the slack.

This was written by a lonely divorced dude. No woman would say that!

I don’t think so. I’m married and my wife is pretty similar as far as trying to be approachable and have a good attitude. She starts every day with a smile and a good morning because she believes in not going to bed angry and starting off the day with a positive note can set the tone for the day. Even if we had a argument the night before she’s pretty over it. When she’s upset with me she still does it - although she’ll tell me when she’s unhappy.

She also noticed she was overweight and lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t happy being fat.

Not hard to believe, if your husband isn’t picking up slack around the house it’s because he doesn’t want to be there. Look I’m the mirror and you’ll see why. I can’t wait to get off of work to come up and see my wife, kids and dogs. Other I know stay late all the time because they’re miserable at home and would rather work late than go home to their chaotic lives.

I’ve said it before here I’ll say it again, when the bitching to blowjob ratio tilts a certain way guys would rather grind their days out of the office or worksite rather than go home. At least their efforts are appreciated more.

You sound like a clueless man. If a man isn't picking up the slack (ie pulling his fair share weight of household/childcare) it's because he is self-centered and or lazy and he knows that DW will do all of it if need be. If women checked out and blew off the chores and childcare, CPS would be at the door because the children would be feral, dirty and hungry. After a while a woman's resentment kills her desire for sex with her husband. This is the way woman are. Sex is inside of our brains and when our brains are full of resentment there is no room for sex with husbands.

We’ve heard this tired trope before. Guys who do chores actually get LESS sex. It’s a scientific fact. Google it. You’re right it’s on the mind of the female. Who get bored of their husband after about 7 to 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't think there is a correlation between division of labor and sexual desire, many of the low drive women would likely bang another guy, they just don't want their husbands. Ask yourself why that is. Attention? Feeling like more than a house keeper? Shut up and grow a pair and own that you may be the issue, not her.

So true. Women grow resentful after years of cleaning up after their husband and doing the majority of the child care, resentment kills libido. Men pay the price for laziness in the long run.

Truth

Men don't get lazy, they see their overweight nagging wives have done nothing but become complaining harpies and feel duped.

I'm a women and stayed in shape, and I'm nice and try to tell him how good he looks and how much I love him every day. Guess what? When I have something boring that' needs to be done he doesn't complain or even sigh - he just does it.

Be nice to be around and give him some love every once in a while and I'm sure he'll be more willing to pick up the slack.

This was written by a lonely divorced dude. No woman would say that!

I don’t think so. I’m married and my wife is pretty similar as far as trying to be approachable and have a good attitude. She starts every day with a smile and a good morning because she believes in not going to bed angry and starting off the day with a positive note can set the tone for the day. Even if we had a argument the night before she’s pretty over it. When she’s upset with me she still does it - although she’ll tell me when she’s unhappy.

She also noticed she was overweight and lost a lot of weight. She wasn’t happy being fat.

Not hard to believe, if your husband isn’t picking up slack around the house it’s because he doesn’t want to be there. Look I’m the mirror and you’ll see why. I can’t wait to get off of work to come up and see my wife, kids and dogs. Other I know stay late all the time because they’re miserable at home and would rather work late than go home to their chaotic lives.

I’ve said it before here I’ll say it again, when the bitching to blowjob ratio tilts a certain way guys would rather grind their days out of the office or worksite rather than go home. At least their efforts are appreciated more.

You sound like a clueless man. If a man isn't picking up the slack (ie pulling his fair share weight of household/childcare) it's because he is self-centered and or lazy and he knows that DW will do all of it if need be. If women checked out and blew off the chores and childcare, CPS would be at the door because the children would be feral, dirty and hungry. After a while a woman's resentment kills her desire for sex with her husband. This is the way woman are. Sex is inside of our brains and when our brains are full of resentment there is no room for sex with husbands.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - So, what's the verdict on maintenance sex?

My preference is to take the time to get her off. But, she'll sometimes offer a quickie. On the one hand, I'm not all that excited about sex she's not excited about. I don't want to reinforce any negativity she might have about sex.

On the other hand, creating a lot of expectation and pressure around her having an orgasm can be counterproductive. And, turning down quickies adds to the pattern of us getting out of the habit of having sex.

Anyway, she suggested one last night. I went with it. I thought it was pleasant, but it wasn't earth shaking for either of us. When I was done, I offered to keep going to get her there, but she said she didn't think it was in the cards.

So, are these more likely to reinforce negative feelings about sex for her or are these potentially building blocks to get our frequency up and hopefully lead to better quality as we get back in the habit of having sex?

Your last question 100% depends on the woman. However, for me (and this is just one perspective), this would reinforce negative feelings. I'm someone from earlier in the thread who said I have low libido naturally, but really work on making myself receptive, and that it works for me in large part because I know it will be amazing once I can get in the right frame of mind. If I thought it might be "meh", this would be really disheartening for me (not just because of the physical aspect / orgasm, but also just because it's a generally disappointing connection between two people in that event too) and I'd have a much harder time getting myself to be receptive to it next time.

With respect to the two paragraphs above, I think you're making things mutually exclusive when they don't need to be. If your wife offers a quickie, and seems sincerely receptive, then great - but WHENEVER and HOWEVER you have sex, you need to learn what really turns her on and do it. We all have "hot buttons" and I guarantee in this scenario that you don't know all of hers. She may not know all of hers either. I would ask her to get bossy with you during sex for awhile, so that you can learn what she really likes. Not because there's any pressure to orgasm (there should be none, she should know she can call off at any time), but because you want to make sex better for both of you, and part of that is both of you learning what really makes her hot. It might not be comfortable at first, but really encourage her to redirect you when she doesn't really like something, and to tell you to keep going when she really does like something, to guide your hand, instruct "harder", "softer", "to the left / right / whatever" ... and really focus on showing her how much you love her when you are in the act. I would be shocked if you give a sincere longterm effort in these ways and it doesn't have positive results for you both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a fallacy to believe that women aren't interested in sex in their middle ages.

I do think their is a correlation with the type of women that men choose to be their wives in their youth and their eventual decline/disinterest in sex with their marital partners. The women were probably lower libido women to begin with.

I am single and have always enjoyed good sex. So have my other single friends and single relatives. We are active, attractive, and high-earners, and have no problem finding suitable mates as we age.

So, don't give up there are plenty of us out there. Now, if you want to pull some of the "shenigans" that you are used to doing in your marriage, then stay married.

BTW, open marriages are not the answer and neither is cheating. Divorce, get your sh*t together, and meet someone who can enthusiastically meet your needs.

You are single and no different from divorced women who find their sex drive after a divorce. Not the same as people who have been married for 20+ yrs with children. Get off your high horse. You have no idea what you are talking about.

No, mine was never lost. I dumped men who were bad in bed. I declined a marriage offers because of bad sex. Intimacy and sex were taught to be important by both parents, so it is not something I compromise on. I see the other end of the conversation that you are not hearing from women. For many, not all, its all a part of the game of marriage.

Have you seen the episode of Sex in the City when menopause hits? Have you talked to a gyn about how sex organs age and how hormones responsible for libido change? Very high libido people age too.

Yes, but not everyone sees a decline in their libido. I am almost 50, with a 76 year old mother who is still sexually active.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the recent past -- call it the last 3 years or so, she's had orgasms most times we've had sex. Like I said, we mostly haven't had sex until she's in the right head space and, therefore, I'm playing on "easy" mode. Plus, I enjoy trying to get her there, giving massages, giving oral, etc. This was once every 4-6 weeks.

Last night's "quickie" was something a little different. I didn't mention in the original post, but another topic she said that the ladies discussed at that gathering was scheduled sex. We've never scheduled sex and haven't yet, but I think that's generally where her head was at when she initiated last night. So, while I'd prefer to work her into orgasmic frenzies a couple times a week, I'm going to go with PP and just take my wife at her word that this is what she wants.

That said, if the quickies become the rule rather than the exception, I might have to pass. If sex is primarily about getting myself off, I can take care of things on my own.

You're too much trouble. Get some hobbies and stop putting your issues on your spouse. If she did schedule I can see where she's coming from. Schedule it to get it over with as quickly as possible. That way she doesn't have to hear about your incessant whining or shitty attitude all about NOTHING.

+1

This guy obviously posted the OP to complain and get commiseration from gross MRA dudes then started backpedaling as soon as helpful female posters tried to give him advice. Of course the issue has nothing to do with HIS body, chore level, or skills in the bedroom That’s why his wife never wants to f^ck him. Get a clue!

Woman here, I posted above about having scheduled sex, and I disagree. He seems to be trying to work with his wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a fallacy to believe that women aren't interested in sex in their middle ages.

I do think their is a correlation with the type of women that men choose to be their wives in their youth and their eventual decline/disinterest in sex with their marital partners. The women were probably lower libido women to begin with.

I am single and have always enjoyed good sex. So have my other single friends and single relatives. We are active, attractive, and high-earners, and have no problem finding suitable mates as we age.

So, don't give up there are plenty of us out there. Now, if you want to pull some of the "shenigans" that you are used to doing in your marriage, then stay married.

BTW, open marriages are not the answer and neither is cheating. Divorce, get your sh*t together, and meet someone who can enthusiastically meet your needs.

You are single and no different from divorced women who find their sex drive after a divorce. Not the same as people who have been married for 20+ yrs with children. Get off your high horse. You have no idea what you are talking about.

No, mine was never lost. I dumped men who were bad in bed. I declined a marriage offers because of bad sex. Intimacy and sex were taught to be important by both parents, so it is not something I compromise on. I see the other end of the conversation that you are not hearing from women. For many, not all, its all a part of the game of marriage.

Have you seen the episode of Sex in the City when menopause hits? Have you talked to a gyn about how sex organs age and how hormones responsible for libido change? Very high libido people age too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I have a higher libido than I thought. I can't imagine being ok with not having an orgasm even though my partner did and thinking that is still satisfying, good sex. lol

+1

I don’t usually think of myself as a high libido person (1 or 2x a week is perfect for me) but I’ve never faked an orgasm or had to tell a guy to stop trying. That is whack.

<90% of responses on DCUM>

"This isn't how I view this thing therefore it is whack that anyone could despite being told by people like that that they exist. "

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I have a higher libido than I thought. I can't imagine being ok with not having an orgasm even though my partner did and thinking that is still satisfying, good sex. lol

+1

I don’t usually think of myself as a high libido person (1 or 2x a week is perfect for me) but I’ve never faked an orgasm or had to tell a guy to stop trying. That is whack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the recent past -- call it the last 3 years or so, she's had orgasms most times we've had sex. Like I said, we mostly haven't had sex until she's in the right head space and, therefore, I'm playing on "easy" mode. Plus, I enjoy trying to get her there, giving massages, giving oral, etc. This was once every 4-6 weeks.

Last night's "quickie" was something a little different. I didn't mention in the original post, but another topic she said that the ladies discussed at that gathering was scheduled sex. We've never scheduled sex and haven't yet, but I think that's generally where her head was at when she initiated last night. So, while I'd prefer to work her into orgasmic frenzies a couple times a week, I'm going to go with PP and just take my wife at her word that this is what she wants.

That said, if the quickies become the rule rather than the exception, I might have to pass. If sex is primarily about getting myself off, I can take care of things on my own.

You're too much trouble. Get some hobbies and stop putting your issues on your spouse. If she did schedule I can see where she's coming from. Schedule it to get it over with as quickly as possible. That way she doesn't have to hear about your incessant whining or shitty attitude all about NOTHING.

+1

This guy obviously posted the OP to complain and get commiseration from gross MRA dudes then started backpedaling as soon as helpful female posters tried to give him advice. Of course the issue has nothing to do with HIS body, chore level, or skills in the bedroom That’s why his wife never wants to f^ck him. Get a clue!

Anonymous wrote:In the recent past -- call it the last 3 years or so, she's had orgasms most times we've had sex. Like I said, we mostly haven't had sex until she's in the right head space and, therefore, I'm playing on "easy" mode. Plus, I enjoy trying to get her there, giving massages, giving oral, etc. This was once every 4-6 weeks.

Last night's "quickie" was something a little different. I didn't mention in the original post, but another topic she said that the ladies discussed at that gathering was scheduled sex. We've never scheduled sex and haven't yet, but I think that's generally where her head was at when she initiated last night. So, while I'd prefer to work her into orgasmic frenzies a couple times a week, I'm going to go with PP and just take my wife at her word that this is what she wants.

That said, if the quickies become the rule rather than the exception, I might have to pass. If sex is primarily about getting myself off, I can take care of things on my own.

You're too much trouble. Get some hobbies and stop putting your issues on your spouse. If she did schedule I can see where she's coming from. Schedule it to get it over with as quickly as possible. That way she doesn't have to hear about your incessant whining or shitty attitude all about NOTHING.