Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:29
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I have never experienced discomfort, except for the one time I had a small episiotomy. My midwife friends all confirm that birth interventions and traumatic births greatly increase the rate of sexual discomfort after birth. I wish more women knew this when making decisions about maternity care.
After my home births, we were intimate again right away. No problems. I get more sexually responsive every time. Breast feeding is no issue, either.
All that said, every woman is unique. Talking to an understanding health professional (I think midwives are preferable here) would be good.
Hey Earth Mother, some of us end up in emergency C-sections and it is not our fault. It changes your body forever and it is horrible to recover from.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:26
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I didn't know that. thanks. I did notice that DW was drier than usual.
It's awful and guess what? For some of us that never goes away. Ever. It makes sex far less pleasant than it was before, frankly. I know the HD people on here will basically be of the position that you should suck it up because it's "your duty" or whatever, but yeah, if you bothered to ask you'd know this shit.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:24
Subject: If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with 10:19. Your wife has sacrificed her body, her sleep, her mental energy, her emotional well to ensure the survival and well-being of your babies. Your sacrifice--several years of less sex.
I'd throw in that SHE wanted #2 but....oh well
So you resent the baby then?
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:23
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, I haven't read all 16 pages. But if your pent up frustration is making you act toward her the way you presented yourself in your first few posts, I'd say there may be something more to her lack of sex drive. Frequently, low libido is hormonal, but it is so often paired with the way we feel about our spouses and the way they've been there for us. I would have classified myself as low sex drive early on in my marriage after kids. My husband did not do an equal parenting job, and I began to feel like I was the mother to him, as well as my kids. He became just one more demand on me. I was not empty of sex drive, though. I just did not want sex with HIM. (I didn't cheat or come anywhere close, never would, but I did take care of my own needs about weekly). I resented him and it poisoned our intimacy. However, we righted the ship. It wasn't easy. It involved me having sex more often than I wanted to. It meant my husband understanding that sometimes I actually did NOT want to have a full on orgasm, that I was tired and it was enough to just have sex and some closeness (but he alwyas gave me the option to have one, was a generous lover, etc). The fact is, your first post you're acting like a petulant child whose WIFE has a problem. The thing is, if you're doing the whole marriage thing correctly, you own your problems jointly. And with sex, it's so often an issue where both partners have let things slide. The resentment and demands go both ways. If you are living in a sexless marriage you have a right to be unhappy and to want change, but it is unwise for you to so squarely let the issue rest on your wife's shoulders. It is crystal clear that you are doing this. It rings through like a shout in your posts. My advice is to really try to change your own ways. STarting with a major overhaul of what marriage should be. Honestly, your post "if I had known this was the case I wouldn't have married you" means maybe it is too late. Not that you can't fix the lack of sex thing, but you have really lost sight of what marriage is all about. If I knew that my husband would become paralized from the waist down, for instance, and would not be able to walk or have sex or anything, I would have still married him. Gladly. And I think teh same is true for us. When we went through our period of low sex, my husband IMMEDIATELY asked me what was wrong. He rode out the hormones thing, and when I said resentment was starting to feel toxic, he took that seriously. He's not perfect and neither am I but we both tried hard. it is not that hard just to "put out" a few times a month, but it is VERY hard, indeed, to address the underlying issues and that can only happen when both parties are into fixing things, not just making demands on the other one. Honestly, I'm glad I didn't marry someone like you because if my husband had taken the attitude you are taking, we'd be divorced. Now, we've reconnected and are doing it like little wild rabbits.
Not OP, but this strikes me as awfully judgmental. Having been on the other side of this, your "fix the marriage" comment seems ill-informed to me. It seems distressingly common, from what I have heard, for the lower-sex drive partner to raise any and all issues as pretexts to avoid addressing the issue of sex itself, and frustrated high-drive partners are often left in the position where they are trying to move heaven and earth to resolve other issues in the marriage as a prerequisite to addressing the sex issue another day, a day that somehow never seems to come. This can cause extreme frustration, which is what I hear in OP's words.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:23
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, I haven't read all 16 pages. But if your pent up frustration is making you act toward her the way you presented yourself in your first few posts, I'd say there may be something more to her lack of sex drive. Frequently, low libido is hormonal, but it is so often paired with the way we feel about our spouses and the way they've been there for us. I would have classified myself as low sex drive early on in my marriage after kids. My husband did not do an equal parenting job, and I began to feel like I was the mother to him, as well as my kids. He became just one more demand on me. I was not empty of sex drive, though. I just did not want sex with HIM. (I didn't cheat or come anywhere close, never would, but I did take care of my own needs about weekly). I resented him and it poisoned our intimacy. However, we righted the ship. It wasn't easy. It involved me having sex more often than I wanted to. It meant my husband understanding that sometimes I actually did NOT want to have a full on orgasm, that I was tired and it was enough to just have sex and some closeness (but he alwyas gave me the option to have one, was a generous lover, etc). The fact is, your first post you're acting like a petulant child whose WIFE has a problem. The thing is, if you're doing the whole marriage thing correctly, you own your problems jointly. And with sex, it's so often an issue where both partners have let things slide. The resentment and demands go both ways. If you are living in a sexless marriage you have a right to be unhappy and to want change, but it is unwise for you to so squarely let the issue rest on your wife's shoulders. It is crystal clear that you are doing this. It rings through like a shout in your posts. My advice is to really try to change your own ways. STarting with a major overhaul of what marriage should be. Honestly, your post "if I had known this was the case I wouldn't have married you" means maybe it is too late. Not that you can't fix the lack of sex thing, but you have really lost sight of what marriage is all about. If I knew that my husband would become paralized from the waist down, for instance, and would not be able to walk or have sex or anything, I would have still married him. Gladly. And I think teh same is true for us. When we went through our period of low sex, my husband IMMEDIATELY asked me what was wrong. He rode out the hormones thing, and when I said resentment was starting to feel toxic, he took that seriously. He's not perfect and neither am I but we both tried hard. it is not that hard just to "put out" a few times a month, but it is VERY hard, indeed, to address the underlying issues and that can only happen when both parties are into fixing things, not just making demands on the other one. Honestly, I'm glad I didn't marry someone like you because if my husband had taken the attitude you are taking, we'd be divorced. Now, we've reconnected and are doing it like little wild rabbits.
Were you HD or LD before kids?
Would you say your resentment due to him hot being an equal parent was the main reason for withholding sex?
During the LD period, what was the frequency of sex? (How many times a month did DH request vs how many time you actually had sex)
btw, the title of the thread was meant to bring posters in. I wouldn't actually say it to DW. I am open to change if she would tell me what was wrong.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:22
Subject: If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So if he make the plans and hires the sitter, you're sure to put out that night? And if he makes the plans for every night, you're going to put out ever night right?
It would be a hell of a lot more likely, yes. And I am never putting out every single night. If DH expects that he should just go ahead and start an affair or divorce me now. Every night is not realistic for most people, freak.
This is the most honest answer you will ever get from the passive aggressive withholder. It's why all the "you need to change" and "it's just a bad time" and "things will get better" posters are liars, intentionally or not.
Your desire to have sex with the person to whom you pledged your life, foresaking all other, is your "problem."
They have no interest in, and therefore will never, change.
Freak.
Look, when you have a baby and your libido tanks, not wanting to have sex is not being passive aggressive. If your body doesn't respond it doesn't respond. I've been very open about the fact that I just don't have the desire I used to. People like me are not liars, and wanting to renew your whole bond - not just sex - is not passive aggessive or crazy. You sound like a Grade A jerk and I'm glad my husband is not like you.
I think two different things are going on here. First, bodies change and desire can wane through nobody's "fault." Second, however, is how the LD spouse communicates that unfortunate fact to the HD spouse. If a decline in your spouse's effort or helpfulness isn't the cause of your lack of desire, then telling him that increasing his effort or helpfulness will increase your desire doesn't make a lot of sense. Under these circumstances, it's easy to create the impression that you're using his desire to improve your own situation without necessarily doing anything to increase your own desire.
That's why I think the LD should accompany these requests for increased effort by the other spouse with some fairly clear indications about what effort she is also going to put forth to address the problem. That way at least HD doesn't get the impression that LD regards it as just his problem.
I would like to know what you HD people would like us to do to increase our desire? I mean really, tell me. If it was within my control I would do it. Porn doesn't do it for me.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 12:08
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I have never experienced discomfort, except for the one time I had a small episiotomy. My midwife friends all confirm that birth interventions and traumatic births greatly increase the rate of sexual discomfort after birth. I wish more women knew this when making decisions about maternity care.
After my home births, we were intimate again right away. No problems. I get more sexually responsive every time. Breast feeding is no issue, either.
All that said, every woman is unique. Talking to an understanding health professional (I think midwives are preferable here) would be good.
Please read up on this topic. Every midwife understands that low estrogen levels--NOT the mode of delivery--is what causes vaginal dryness. Good for you if you were able to resume sexual activity with no discomfort, but *many* breast feeding mothers will experience painful intercourse.
Low estrogen is just one cause of discomfort. And many breast feeding mothers do not experience low estrogen. Stitches, internal abrasions, cervical trauma, nerve damage--all can result from interventions such as episiotomies, forceps, coached pushing in the lithotomy position, etc. Disrupting the hormones of natural labor also disrupts the body's ability to prevent some traumas. And traumatic births can lead to a complete numbness of the vaginal area for months.
On the other end of the spectrum, birth can be an incredibly sensual experience and enhance a couple's sex life.
I could certainly always learn more, but I have read widely about this, due to very different postpartum experiences after very different labors and deliveries, and in my training as a birth assistant.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 11:57
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I have never experienced discomfort, except for the one time I had a small episiotomy. My midwife friends all confirm that birth interventions and traumatic births greatly increase the rate of sexual discomfort after birth. I wish more women knew this when making decisions about maternity care.
After my home births, we were intimate again right away. No problems. I get more sexually responsive every time. Breast feeding is no issue, either.
All that said, every woman is unique. Talking to an understanding health professional (I think midwives are preferable here) would be good.
Please read up on this topic. Every midwife understands that low estrogen levels--NOT the mode of delivery--is what causes vaginal dryness. Good for you if you were able to resume sexual activity with no discomfort, but *many* breast feeding mothers will experience painful intercourse.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 11:46
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Wow, OP, I haven't read all 16 pages. But if your pent up frustration is making you act toward her the way you presented yourself in your first few posts, I'd say there may be something more to her lack of sex drive. Frequently, low libido is hormonal, but it is so often paired with the way we feel about our spouses and the way they've been there for us. I would have classified myself as low sex drive early on in my marriage after kids. My husband did not do an equal parenting job, and I began to feel like I was the mother to him, as well as my kids. He became just one more demand on me. I was not empty of sex drive, though. I just did not want sex with HIM. (I didn't cheat or come anywhere close, never would, but I did take care of my own needs about weekly). I resented him and it poisoned our intimacy. However, we righted the ship. It wasn't easy. It involved me having sex more often than I wanted to. It meant my husband understanding that sometimes I actually did NOT want to have a full on orgasm, that I was tired and it was enough to just have sex and some closeness (but he alwyas gave me the option to have one, was a generous lover, etc). The fact is, your first post you're acting like a petulant child whose WIFE has a problem. The thing is, if you're doing the whole marriage thing correctly, you own your problems jointly. And with sex, it's so often an issue where both partners have let things slide. The resentment and demands go both ways. If you are living in a sexless marriage you have a right to be unhappy and to want change, but it is unwise for you to so squarely let the issue rest on your wife's shoulders. It is crystal clear that you are doing this. It rings through like a shout in your posts. My advice is to really try to change your own ways. STarting with a major overhaul of what marriage should be. Honestly, your post "if I had known this was the case I wouldn't have married you" means maybe it is too late. Not that you can't fix the lack of sex thing, but you have really lost sight of what marriage is all about. If I knew that my husband would become paralized from the waist down, for instance, and would not be able to walk or have sex or anything, I would have still married him. Gladly. And I think teh same is true for us. When we went through our period of low sex, my husband IMMEDIATELY asked me what was wrong. He rode out the hormones thing, and when I said resentment was starting to feel toxic, he took that seriously. He's not perfect and neither am I but we both tried hard. it is not that hard just to "put out" a few times a month, but it is VERY hard, indeed, to address the underlying issues and that can only happen when both parties are into fixing things, not just making demands on the other one. Honestly, I'm glad I didn't marry someone like you because if my husband had taken the attitude you are taking, we'd be divorced. Now, we've reconnected and are doing it like little wild rabbits.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 11:30
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I have never experienced discomfort, except for the one time I had a small episiotomy. My midwife friends all confirm that birth interventions and traumatic births greatly increase the rate of sexual discomfort after birth. I wish more women knew this when making decisions about maternity care.
After my home births, we were intimate again right away. No problems. I get more sexually responsive every time. Breast feeding is no issue, either.
All that said, every woman is unique. Talking to an understanding health professional (I think midwives are preferable here) would be good.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 11:00
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sex means a great deal more than physical release, a connection, a fun activity. We convince ourselves otherwise, but its design remains the same.
It is crucial to understand that sex is not SOLELY for procreation, but it needs to be respected for its power of possible procreation in order to understand it at all. So IF you are going to make love to a woman, you should be doing so with the appreciation for her WHOLE PERSON, which includes her mind, her heart, her soul, her body, her potential fertility. If you are making love to anything less than her whole self, you are selling sex short. You are disrespecting her. And she will know that on some deep level.
This applies no matter who you are, what you believe, whether you want children or not. Because it's the way sex was made. It's our nature.
Now, if you start at the beginning, you'd say "free, total, faithful, open"?!?! That's asking a lot! I just want to get off! I'm not that deep or complicated! You'd be dismissive.
But work your way backwards. Look at DCUM. Look at your unfulfilling sex life. You KNOW something is missing. You KNOW there is something better out there.
The truth is the truth even if no one believes it. A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. Our human race operates on a lot of collective lies about sex. Sometimes I despair that things are too far gone to ever be righted. But my hope is that people will listen to that primal urge for something more, something better. Because we were made for so much more than using one another to get off.
This is especially true in a marriage. Because then you have at least the assumption that sex is all of those things, the physical embodiment of marriage vows. So when spouses lie to one another with the language of their bodies, in the context of daily interactions that either build up or tear down the wedding vows, the desecration of sex is that much more painful and has even greater consequences.
Is this any easier to follow, OP?
OP here. Bear with me here, I'm dense. I don't see how embracing this (new to me) concepts of love will make my sex life more fufilling. I'm seeing all these theories about what love/sex is suppose to be. That's great. How does embracing these ideals get a LD spouse to "put out" more? If I subscribe to these ideal and get DW to subscribe also, will it mean we will have more sex? Or will it mean I will ACCEPT than less sex is suddenly ok and not be resentful? It's like a receipe to follow but the cake might not turn out liek its suppose to. You know?
OP, you are not starting from scratch here. You have a history with your wife. If you are looking for a quick fix, a new manipulative tool in your toolbox, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm not giving you a new approach or a new line to work. I'm just telling you what sex means.
I have every reason to believe that if you and your wife really embraced sex for all that it is, you would BOTH want to have it, in every possible position and mood, at every possible opportunity. My God, what woman would not want to be worshipped by her husband and experience multiple orgasms on a daily basis? (By the way, multiple orgasms is just one of the many awesome things about being female--I feel so sorry for my husband when I get so many to his one, but he swears he's ok with that).
However, you are right that understanding what sex means might just make you more capable of patience, and tenderness, and respect, and forbearance, and strength, when you wife is seriously not capable of sex. This idea of endless, no-consequence availability is a myth. It's not real. People labor under the delusion, but that's a shame.
Even in the most Theology-of-the-Body faithful marriages, there will be illness, there will be times apart, there will be fights and resentments, there will be children who need attention. Chastity is a virtue in marriage, too. It can be hard. But when you know what it's all about, you can bear it--happily.
I love sleepy sex, wild sex, routine sex, surprising sex, quiet sex, screaming sex, all of it, because it is all in the context of love, real love. Real love with your wife should start with humility. Go ask her forgiveness for all the ways you have fallen short over the years. Sincerely. Promise to try to do better. Ask her if there is anything you need to apologize for, any way you have wronged her that you need to know about. Tell her you want to show her your love in all that you do.
You may not be strong enough to change all your bad patterns, but with grace, you will. You will satisfy her, and you will be satisfied. But it won't happen overnight. But you can start now.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 10:52
Subject: If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:There does seem to be an underlying assumption here that not having much sex is an acceptable state of things, and that it's up to the Higher-D spouse to live with it.
I also want to get into "who's responsible for the orgasm" but that's a whole new thread.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 10:48
Subject: If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
There does seem to be an underlying assumption here that not having much sex is an acceptable state of things, and that it's up to the Higher-D spouse to live with it.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 10:41
Subject: If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with 10:19. Your wife has sacrificed her body, her sleep, her mental energy, her emotional well to ensure the survival and well-being of your babies. Your sacrifice--several years of less sex.
I'd throw in that SHE wanted #2 but....oh well
Oh well, presumably you agreed....
Your presumption is accurate.
Anonymous
12/13/2012 10:40
Subject: Re:If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!
Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.
OK, you point may be valid IF you are my DW. Are you DW?
I cried from the pain the first time we had sex after our first was born, and DH didn't even notice.
I was so appalled and felt so disgusted and angry I couldn't talk about it.
Are you the same poster that is claiming that OP's DW was in pain too?
No, different poster. But, I agree that most women find sex painful while BFing, at least for the first several months. The same hormones that allow women to lactate also cause vaginal dryness.
I didn't know that. thanks. I did notice that DW was drier than usual.