Anonymous wrote:"Since SAHMs are so lowly to you, perhaps you WOH because the work of SAHM and the child care providers you love and defend so dearly is beneath you. snooty, snooty, snooty.... "

In part, yes. Another key reason is that my working allows me to tell DH to go jump in a lake. My mother, and my grandmother before her, were frustrated at times with their lack of "hand" in their marriages. My DH can't make any decisions without my concurrence, because I make more than half the money. He can't just come home one day and say the family is moving because he took a new job. He can't make major purchases without my say so. We have a real partnership, not based on benevolence or emotion.

Anonymous wrote:"Since SAHMs are so lowly to you, perhaps you WOH because the work of SAHM and the child care providers you love and defend so dearly is beneath you. snooty, snooty, snooty.... "

In part, yes. Another key reason is that my working allows me to tell DH to go jump in a lake. My mother, and my grandmother before her, were frustrated at times with their lack of "hand" in their marriages. My DH can't make any decisions without my concurrence, because I make more than half the money. He can't just come home one day and say the family is moving because he took a new job. He can't make major purchases without my say so. We have a real partnership, not based on benevolence or emotion.

Anonymous wrote:"BTW, what are YOU doing to help secure parental leave benefits besides complain on an anonymous board. (FWIW, I WOTH FT and you bet that I've agitated my superiors and participated in industry conferences for better parental leave practices for our company/industry.) "

Nothing. I was, and am, happy to work within the existing system.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my children were very small, yes, I had some resentment (not very secret at all).

In retrospect my resentment was misplaced. What I should have resented was/is the lack of infrastructure in this country for maternity leave benefits. If we had a good system here, including paid maternity leave for an extended period of time (as e.g. Canada does), parents and children would benefit.

<smacks head on desk> NO. You should resent yourself for not realizing all this before you had kids, and not positioning your life better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who's so offended by my use of the term "gender stereotyping": First off, when men start opting to stay home as often as women do, then maybe it won't be a gender sterotype. But until then, yes, it's somehow usually the woman's job to leave the work force and stay home taking care of the kids and the house. (Because she makes so much less money. And I won't even go into why THAT'S the case.) And second, let's not forget what gave you your much-vaunted "choice": a husband. No man, no "choice". No wonder you're so defensive. Face it; some of us decided to stay home and our kids did great. Others decided to work and our kids also did great. Neither option guarantees a perfect outcome, as you will one day realize.

I understand what a stereotype is. What I am asking you to understand is that making the decision to SAH was not driven by stereotypes, or because DH expected me to, because 'society' expected me to, or because I was less skilled or making so much less than DH. I was making slightly more. I wanted to care for my own children full time. You apparently think it makes no difference whether children have a SAH parent - I beg to differ.

You might think this is terribly old-fashioned too, but um, no husband, no "child." At least in my case. And who said anything about having idealized visions of "perfect outcomes?" Things are not "perfect", even now. But please do not reduce my decision to dedicate some years full time to my kids as a poor little woman succumbing to stereotypes.

I agreed up until the part of making a difference having a SAH parent. I think you can SAH and kids do great and you can WAH and kids do great. You could even be coming up with a hybrid of being part-time when the kids are older and the kids can do great. Believe it or not I know people with happy well-adjusted kids in college where the parents covered the spectrum of work situations including single mom. If you think about it our parents generation Had SAH parents and you still had crime, addiction, affairs, abuse, all the human failings that have been around since the beginning of time. IF you want to say it was important to you, go ahead. The minute you start to imply somehow someone with a different choice is going to resign their kids to a certain path, I have to disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at least some of these jabs at SAH moms really are about class envy. In my heart of hearts--and I don't feel proud of this assumption--but when I see lexus SUV driving, well educated, well coiffed, SAH moms hitting the gym for their yoga class, I realize that there is a part of me that is simply envious about the economic freedom that choice seems to represent. Its not that I want to SAH (and not that I resent DH because he doesn't make enough for me to SAH), its that the choice to SAH seems to represent a fair amount of economic freedom. I know that is not the case--that in some families there is a real financial sacrifice (and in some cases it is a wash--in mine, my salary is not much greater than my childcare costs)--but I think that what fuels some of the jabs at SAH mothers (really the dads dont get this much criticism lobbed at them) it's not really about them conforming to some stereotype so much as it is about money. so yeah, if I were to be dismissive of a SAHM, its not because I don't respect her choice--its probably because I'm envious that she had the choice and I don't.

Nope. I don't respect it. dH makes $350k+/year so I could easily stay home, but it's a dynamic we don't choose for our family. Kids are better off with a WAH mom that is fulfilled and that extra $150k I bring to the table is great spending $. I pick up and drop off kids e eryday from school so I have same hours with my kids as any SAHm so I don't but the bullshit excuses.

Anonymous wrote:"Since SAHMs are so lowly to you, perhaps you WOH because the work of SAHM and the child care providers you love and defend so dearly is beneath you. snooty, snooty, snooty.... "

In part, yes. Another key reason is that my working allows me to tell DH to go jump in a lake. My mother, and my grandmother before her, were frustrated at times with their lack of "hand" in their marriages. My DH can't make any decisions without my concurrence, because I make more than half the money. He can't just come home one day and say the family is moving because he took a new job. He can't make major purchases without my say so. We have a real partnership, not based on benevolence or emotion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my children were very small, yes, I had some resentment (not very secret at all).

In retrospect my resentment was misplaced. What I should have resented was/is the lack of infrastructure in this country for maternity leave benefits. If we had a good system here, including paid maternity leave for an extended period of time (as e.g. Canada does), parents and children would benefit.

<smacks head on desk> NO. You should resent yourself for not realizing all this before you had kids, and not positioning your life better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the pp who made the contributing to society point. I wasn't talking about SAHMs vs WOHMs. I was taking about the SAHM who referred so snootily to the 'minimum wage childcare workers.' and I stand by my claim that the wonderful women at my son's daycare contribute more to society - helping ease the burdens of so many working parents by providing such loving care to the kids - than a few hours of volunteer work a week. They contribute more to society than I do, too. Difference is, I'd never look down on them. Especially if they were working to provide for their families and I wasn't. Ugh.

How are you not working for your family by being a SAHM? Boggles my mind.

I agree that everyone deserves respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"And I don't see being a SAHM as the end of it all. When all DCs are in school full time, I know I will take on new ventures. "

No sale here.

You and your children will continue to be totally dependent on your DH for financial support. Not smart to put all of your eggs in one basket. Haven't you read the many posts from SAHMs who are being dumped by their DHs and are in financial straits.

But you get brownie points for being oh, so smug.

Np here.

And unless you are the wealthy trust fund poster you are dependent as well. Why do you angry moms fail to realize your dependency? Most of us are dependent to some extent so unless you are Amish or really into simple living/ self sufficiency then I wouldn't be so smug about a job that can easily be taken away or disappear.