Anonymous
02/15/2012 22:03
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree with these posts but you women need to get your shit together. Collectively, you are a mess. Such hatred spewed against each other on DCUM. Damn I'm glad to be a man and don't have to deal with this trivial shit everyday.
Enjoy yourselves ladies.
+1 and I'm a woman. It sucks sometimes. I can't believe people actually think the stuff I read here. OP, why does that make you so angry? Maybe you should get into therapy (I mean that seriously, it helps). To bash the entire SAHM population, based on one person is nuts. Maybe next time you could mentor a SAHM?
Anonymous
02/15/2012 21:52
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Of course WOHP's raise their kids. And I can see why they are touchy about the whole, "stayed home to raise my kids bit." But as a SAHM this thread has been instructive. You do have to tread carefully and watch what you say, because some people will IMPLY judgement of their choices when they hear about the different choices you made. There are moms in particular around her with some baggage surrounding this issue, and some of them are WOHMs. Hope you aren't interviewed by one of those. There are also ALOT of negative stereotypes about SAHM's being thrown around in this thread.
So if you are a SAHM:
1. Keep skills current, possibly through volunteering, but only mention that if it sounds serious enough. Definitely don't mention something called a gala unless you are applying for a job throwing galas.
2. Be as matter of fact and brief as possible about any details of your personal life.
3. Don't, for god's sake, say you, "stayed at home to raise your kids."
4. Hope you're being interviewed by someone who doesn't have as many negative emotions about this topic as many of the women here, because if you are, you've got a big deficit to overcome with that person. They are starting out not wanting to like you. It is what it is. Gotta find a way around it, by being awesome if you can.
5. Go home at the end of the day, whatever happens, and thank god you got to make the choices you wanted to (not implying the WOHM's didn't get to make the choices they wanted to...so relax on that one) and got to spend the time with your kid you wanted to (again, not implying the WOHM didn't get to spend the time with their kid they wanted to, just hope the SAHM did). You'll find a job. It may take longer and pay less than you'd like, but you'll find something.
6. Hope for some resolution to this impossible struggle (WOHM vs. SAHM) when our kids are our age.
A rational, constructive post in this thread is so refreshing. I agree with this 100%, and I am a WOHM, with no plan to be anything else. I would add only one thing: If you have been out of the workforce for a while, it is worth it to talk with someone working in your field, or with a career consultant, before starting the hunt so that you can avoid some of these errors,. I actually think there are many WOHMs (including many posters in this thread) who would agree with this. There's a lot of B.S. lipservice paid by both WOHMs and SAHMs to "respecting each other's choices," with very little effort put into trying to identify and overcome the biases we probably all harbor. We don't all have to be buds, and some judgment of others' choices is inevitable. But the big picture is that the only legitimate way to judge applicants in any pool -- women and men both -- is by their skill, attitude, and other relevant qualities. I've seen plenty of people screw up interviews (and resumes, and cover letters, etc.) by not doing basic research on the place they're applying to, acting entitled, or being flaky. These people were not SAHMs; they just weren't very attractive candidates.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 21:05
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Of course WOHP's raise their kids. And I can see why they are touchy about the whole, "stayed home to raise my kids bit." But as a SAHM this thread has been instructive. You do have to tread carefully and watch what you say, because some people will IMPLY judgement of their choices when they hear about the different choices you made. There are moms in particular around her with some baggage surrounding this issue, and some of them are WOHMs. Hope you aren't interviewed by one of those. There are also ALOT of negative stereotypes about SAHM's being thrown around in this thread.
So if you are a SAHM:
1. Keep skills current, possibly through volunteering, but only mention that if it sounds serious enough. Definitely don't mention something called a gala unless you are applying for a job throwing galas.
2. Be as matter of fact and brief as possible about any details of your personal life.
3. Don't, for god's sake, say you, "stayed at home to raise your kids."
4. Hope you're being interviewed by someone who doesn't have as many negative emotions about this topic as many of the women here, because if you are, you've got a big deficit to overcome with that person. They are starting out not wanting to like you. It is what it is. Gotta find a way around it, by being awesome if you can.
5. Go home at the end of the day, whatever happens, and thank god you got to make the choices you wanted to (not implying the WOHM's didn't get to make the choices they wanted to...so relax on that one) and got to spend the time with your kid you wanted to (again, not implying the WOHM didn't get to spend the time with their kid they wanted to, just hope the SAHM did). You'll find a job. It may take longer and pay less than you'd like, but you'll find something.
6. Hope for some resolution to this impossible struggle (WOHM vs. SAHM) when our kids are our age.
Thank you for the post.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:23
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
I wouldn't use the phrase 'stay at home mom'. It doesn't give a professional image. I think 'I stayed home while my children were young.' sounds better. One sentence and then move on to talking about your skills, etc. NO more family talk.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:18
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Haha, I know how to use it but my iphone makes me fail sometimes. Thanks though PP
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:16
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:And if they could teach me how to use the quote button properly, I'd hire them in a minute.
Omg, me too. See above.
Press the quote button.
Look for the [ quote ] or [ quote=Anonymous ] markers.
Look for the matching [ /quote ] marker. Make sure there are a matching number (if there are two open [ quote ] markers, there should be two closing [ /quote ] markers).
Anything inside a pair of these is going to be quoted. If you just want to add text to the end, go after the last [ /quote ] marker and add the text after that.
If you aren't sure, the press the [ Preview ] button and look at it first.
When done, press [ Submit ]
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:12
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:
But I'm all for concessions IF both men and women took advantage of them. But until men step up and take more responsibility for their children or their aging parents, we will always be second class citizens in the workforce.
And here is the other half of the double standard. Men get no respect for being parents or homemakers. I took 3 months off for paternity leave. And yet, if I went into the supermarket on a Tuesday morning with my kids, people looked at me like I was either a homeless person or a wanted criminal. I've spoken with a few SAHD friends and they say that the reception to SAHD is borderline insulting. Look at the recent thread where all these DCUM mothers basically said they had no respect for a SAHD because they had no respect for a man who couldn't support his family. There was another recent thread about a SAHD wondering why the SAHM at the park wouldn't even talk with him. While some SAHM were afraid they would be accused of hitting on him, some said they had no respect for a man who didn't work (WOH).
So basically whether or not men actually step up and take more responsibility for their children or their aging parents, they'll get no respect for it. In fact, I would say that men who take responsibility for homecare and their children get less respect than women in the workplace.
What we need to do is work on mutually giving respect to everyone, male or female, for the work that they do whether it is at home or in a workplace. I doubt we'll see if in my lifetime.
We now return you to your regular bickering--already in progress.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:12
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:And if they could teach me how to use the quote button properly, I'd hire them in a minute.
Omg, me too. See above.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:10
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want to work with someone who thinks I didn't raise my children properly because I chose to work. I don't think those kinds of women deserve to work. I'd rather hire someone else.
I said it.
As a SAHM, when I interview to re-enter the workforce in a couple of years, am I going to be at an automatic disadvantage with WOH women because they think that I look down on them because they didn't stay home?
No. That is not what I said. I do not assume that. My
point was that if you say something that implies thatin a interview I won't want to hire you.
I have explained this more than once.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:05
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
And if they could teach me how to use the quote button properly, I'd hire them in a minute. 
Anonymous
02/15/2012 20:05
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
As a SAHM, when I interview to re-enter the workforce in a couple of years, am I going to be at an automatic disadvantage with WOH women because they think that I look down on them because they didn't stay home?
Well, I'm a WOH mom, and if someone stayed at home with their kids for a few years when they were really young, they wouldn't be at a disadvantage interviewing with me, unless they insinuated that I did something wrong by not doing the same. If someone was out of the workforce for more than 4-5 years, I would have some questions about what they had been doing to keep their skills current. If they had been doing things to keep the skills current, they'd be fine.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 19:44
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:So glad I'm rich and can SAH and not have to plan to ever work again!
So glad I'm educated and can either work or SAH!
Anonymous
02/15/2012 19:42
Subject: SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want to work with someone who thinks I didn't raise my children properly because I chose to work. I don't think those kinds of women deserve to work. I'd rather hire someone else.
I said it.
As a SAHM, when I interview to re-enter the workforce in a couple of years, am I going to be at an automatic disadvantage with WOH women because they think that I look down on them because they didn't stay home?
It depends on the industry.
Anonymous
02/15/2012 19:39
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Oh come on now PP. Can't meet the demands of parenting and a career? You know that's not why the majority of women who SAH do it. And most do it temporarily. Come on now.
What? 8)
Anonymous
02/15/2012 19:37
Subject: Re:SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do
Anonymous wrote:Oh come on now PP. Can't meet the demands of parenting and a career? You know that's not why the majority of women who SAH do it. And most do it temporarily. Come on now.
You're right. Most SAHMs SAH because they can't afford full time childcare on their salaries.